49. Chapter 49

After Significant Others

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Yeah, here we go again. I don't own this. Rating: K+ Time: Right about then.

Kate wiped the last of her makeup off and scrubbed her face. She then fixed her hair in a loose bun and stared at herself in the mirror in Castle's bathroom. The longer she was with Castle the more she wanted to be with him. She had gone back to her own place when Meredith had left, but had come back after only one night away from Castle.

To her surprise, she found that when she had at long last opened her heart to Castle, she had also opened her heart to his family. No one would ever replace her mother in her life, but Martha was turning into a mother figure for her. She found that she could talk to Martha about anything, even things she didn't want to talk to Rick about. Especially things she didn't want to talk to Rick about, she confessed to herself. She was an only child and, of course, had no children of her own, yet, but she considered Alexis to be part friend, part daughter and part little sister. It was an odd relationship sometimes, but one that Kate treasured.

Kate took a small step back and checked herself out in the mirror. She was wearing a pair of running shorts and one of Castle's old tee shirts. The shirt was way too big on her and hung off of one shoulder. She decided she looked good. Very good.

This would be funny if it wasn't so damned serious. She thought to herself. I asked Meredith an important question and instead of feeling better, I'm more worried than I was before. She squared her shoulders, turned and walked into Castle's bedroom.

"You okay, Kate?" He asked.

"I'm fine." As soon as she said it, she knew it was a lie.

"We have to talk." They said simultaneously.

"Me first." He said. "Okay?"

Kate was afraid that if he spoke first, she wouldn't be able to speak to him without building up her courage again. And how long would that take?

"Come here." Castle held out his arms. She walked over to him and rested her head on his chest while he enfolded her in his arms. "Come to bed. It'll be easier to talk." She slid in bed beside him, now wrapped in each other's arms.

"I don't love Meredith." He began.

"I know." She said, curious as to where this was going.

"And I know you know. To tell the truth, I don't even like Meredith most of the time. If it was entirely up to me, I don't think I could work up even some mild interest in her."

"But?" Kate was getting worried, as she did when she didn't know where Castle was going with something.

"But she's Alexis's mother. Alexis loves her. Oh, I know, she doesn't like to be around Meredith for more than a few seconds at a time. I think Alexis loves Meredith because she thinks it's obligatory. Meredith is my mom. You should love your mom. Therefore I love Meredith."

Rick kissed Kate on the top of her head. "I don't want Alexis to be hurt, any more than I'd ever want you to be hurt."

"Would Meredith hurt Alexis?" Kate was trying to understand where this was going.

"Meredith just doesn't seem to understand that the world wasn't put here for her personal convenience." Rick took a deep breath. "Let me tell you about something that happened to Meredith about two years after we divorced. She was dating this lawyer in LA. Five days of the week he was your basic three piece suited, buttoned down, uptight lawyer. But on the weekends, he liked to put on his biker leathers, get on his Harley and pretend he was some bad ass outlaw motorcycle dude. He'd take Meredith with him of course."

Kate tried to imagine Meredith in a pair of oil stained jeans, a Ride to Live, Live to Ride, tee shirt and a stars and stripes do rag. She couldn't see it.

"Somehow he got involved with some real bad ass, outlaw motorcycle dudes. Maybe they needed a lawyer. Maybe they just had a really odd sense of humor. Anyway, Meredith and Lawyer Motorcycle Boy started hanging around with these dudes. Then one day a rival gang does a drive by on the clubhouse. LMB takes two rounds in his leg. He ends up walking with a limp for the rest of his life and gives up the Harley as well."

"Naturally, Meredith calls me to tell ne all about it. I couldn't get her to see that what she was doing was stupid. Bone stupid. Meredith just didn't get it. She thinks everyone is me, or at least her lawyer buddy. Nice, friendly, well mannered gentlemen. Who would do anything for her, of course."

"Of course." Kate said, still wondering where this was going, but less concerned now.

"Because Meredith is such a flake, I support her financially. It's nothing I can't handle. And I keep an eye on her through a couple of people I know in LA, a director and an entertainment lawyer. I'm going to continue doing this, but I want you to know, you're the one that I love. You. My entire life with Meredith isn't as important to me as one minute with you. But I wanted you to know."

She smiled and gently kissed Rick. "You really are sweet, and a good person. And I agree, Meredith is a flake."

"It's okay with you, then?" Rick asked.

Kate nodded. "She is Alexis's mom, and I know how much family means to you. It's okay. In fact, I think I love you just a bit more now."

"Just a bit?" He said, pouting.

"I have something to say now. When you went upstairs to get Meredith's purse, we had a little talk."

"She's used the "I left my purse, Rick" trick before, you know."

"I can believe it. But I asked her why you broke up. She said that the marriage was one sided. That after a while, you knew everything about her and she knew nothing about you. She said that you never would talk about how you really felt about never knowing anything about your dad, for instance."

"I'll be happy to tell you all about that."

"No, that's not what I want to talk about. You've talked to me about your dad. You do tell me all about yourself. You've changed since you were married to Meredith."

"So…?" Now Rick was the one who wasn't sure where this was going.

"When Meredith said that, I realized that I was the Rick in this relationship."

Rick furrowed his brow." Somehow I always thought that I'd always be the Rick Castle in any relationship."

She slapped him lightly on the chest. "Very funny. What I mean is that I'm the one who never wants to say what I mean, or what I should say. You've called me on this before. How many times have I told you I'm fine when I'm not? How many times have I…" Suddenly Kate kissed Rick. "I don't want to be that person any more. You mean too much for me to screw this up."

"I know what you're like, and I love you, Kate. And sooner or later you do tell me what's on your mind. Don't worry about this. And remember, my explanation for the breakup with Meredith was that she was sleeping with another guy and served me with divorce papers."

"Okay, but I just want you to know that I'm working on opening up to you. And please, when I tell you I'm fine and you know I'm not, call me on it."

"Do you promise not to beat me up if I do call you on it?"

"No. But I'll beat you up in a way you'll like." She teased.

"If you use your handcuffs, remember, my safe word is apples." He teased back.

She smiled at him. "So, to start out with the new, open Kate Beckett, I'd like to tell you something about myself."

"Should I get popcorn? Will this be long?"

"Silence and listen, Writer Boy." She snuggled against his chest. "I was a complete mess when my mom was murdered. I cried all day long, I didn't get dressed, I didn't bathe, I didn't even notice what was happening to my dad with his drinking. You know I'm a fan of yours, but you don't know how much of a fan I am. Mom had your books and one day I started reading one. I thought it would make me feel closer to her. It did and I kept reading your books. I became interested in the books and I did some research. I found that you did a lot of research to write your books. There really were people like Derrick Storm out there. People who would risk their lives to pursue justice. I decided that I could do that and I applied to the police academy. I'm a cop and not a complete mess because of you."

Rick shook his head. "I think I know you well enough to know you'd have pulled out of it sooner or later. Doubtlessly sooner."

She shrugged. "Maybe." She suddenly laughed. "One day I had Will Sorenson drive me to a book signing of yours so I could get your autograph on your latest Derrick Storm book. He complained the whole time."

"I hope his feet got flatter from all the standing."

"There's so much I wish I could change about us." She said quietly.

"Too late for that, but we're together now." He slid as hand under her tee shirt. "Speaking of being together…"

"I thought you'd never ask,"