66. Chapter 66

After Famous Last Words

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: There is no Castle, only do. What was that, Yoda? Rating: M for some language. Time: Surely you can figure this out. Okay, I shouldn't call you Shirley.

Kate Beckett snuck a look at Castle and his family out of the corner of her eye. They're so comfortable with each other. The three of them can talk about anything with each other from what I've seen. They have no trouble showing their love for each other. Why can't I be like that? I was like that once. Before.

Everything in my life is either Before or After. She smiled slightly to herself. Yes, I actually do capitalize the words in my mind. Things were never the same after Mom died. She was the strong center of our family that held us altogether. Oh, not that we were ever in any danger of flying apart. In spite of my youthful rebelliousness, I was a good girl and I became a good woman. We were a strong, happy family. Just like Castle's for that matter. How odd that I should think of Castle that way.

But it was never the same After. I could never talk to my mom about girl things again. I wish I could talk to her now about Castle. She loved his books, and that love of his books transferred to me. That's why I was so disappointed when we first met. He was just so…so damned Rick Castle.

I have a good relationship with Dad. I was so angry when he was drinking, but we've healed that rift. But there is that wall between us. How can I put up a wall between me and my own father? But I can't talk to Dad about Castle like I might have been able to with Mom. I just can't.

What should I do, Mom? He really can be the Richard Castle we used to love to read. I can't tell you how many murders he's helped me solve. He's brave, too. Or maybe just foolhardy. But he's saved my life and I've saved his. We're a good team. But a good team doesn't keep my feet warm at night. I need more. I know Castle could be fun for a while. He likes me, I'm sure of that. But I don't want fun for a while. I want what you and Dad had. I want forever. That isn't Castle. Could it be? I see the Castle who's Alexis' father and I think, it could be, but then…

God, I miss you Mom.

Then the song ended and Sky Blue was thanking the audience for coming and thanking them for loving her sister, Hayley. Sky waved at Kate and Castle and gave them a quick smile. Then she and her new band were off stage and gone. The crowd started to disperse.

"A good show, Beckett." Castle said, still with his arm around Alexis.

"Yes. I really liked it. More importantly, I liked seeing Sky clean and sober and away from the old band and that creepy manager. I hope she makes it."

"Ah, always the cop."

"What else would I be?"

Castle laughed. "What indeed? Are you headed for home?"

Kate shook her head. "No, I thought I'd take a walk. Clear my head after the case."

Castle noticed a small, brief smile from Beckett. "Well, since you were so kind as to come with me when I wanted to take a walk, would you mind some company?"

"No, not at all." She smiled again.

Castle turned to Martha. "Can you get Alexis home okay?" He held out his car keys.

Martha grabbed them at once. "Get Alexis home? Sure. Eventually." She turned to her granddaughter. "Come on, kiddo, I know this great little club off Broadway. It's filled with cute guys, and the bouncer is a friend of mine. He won't card us."

"Us?" Alexis said with a grin. "Thanks, gram, but I have school tomorrow." She turned back to Rick. "We'll be home soon, Dad. You and Beckett have a nice walk."

Kate and Rick walked around the park rather aimlessly. Finally Kate spoke. "I had fun tonight. I'm glad I came." Dammit. She thought. I should have said I'm glad we came. I'm glad I was here with you.

"Yeah. It was nice. Alexis is the big fan, of course, but I like their music."

"I'm more of a jazz fan, but I like all kinds of music. I like more than music. I wanted more than music tonight. I want to drag you off into the bushes and make out like crazy. I want to take you back to my apartment, throw you on the bed and screw until we're too worn out to move. I want to…

"Alexis is still upset about Hayley's death." Rick said, interrupting Kate's thoughts.

I cannot be thinking that way about Castle. It would never work between us. "You told her what had happened with Ian? That he was the one that killed Hayley?"

"She really doesn't understand why he did it, and we'll probably never know. I told her I thought it was ego. Hayley was famous, and having sex with a rock star fed his ego."

"You'd know about egos." Kate said, without thinking.

"I guess I do."

Oh crap! Oh dammit to hell! Kate thought. I didn't actually compare him to that bastard Ian? I didn't! Crap, I did. Kate reached out and took Castle's hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. You are nothing like that prick Ian. Nothing at all."

Castle laughed. "I didn't think that you thought I was. I was just admitting that you're right. I have a big ego. As I think you may have noticed."

She nodded. "You're more than a big ego, you know. You're intelligent, a great father, and a damned good detective. Basically, although you do infuriate me at times, you're a good person. You wouldn't have stayed with me if you weren't. Mayor or no mayor, I'd have kicked you to the curb."

Castle managed to contain his surprise. What's this? Detective Kate Beckett wants me on her team? She wants me to be with her? No, wait. Don't push this. Take it nice and slow. "I'm glad. I like being part of your team. It's more than just research now, you know. I like being with…your team."

Kate kept holding his hand as they walked. Soon, they had circumnavigated the park and we're back to Beckett's car. She let go of his hand. "I'll take you home now." She said. I wish I could take you home, and keep you.

"Thanks. I appreciate it." He got in the passenger side.

This actually could work, maybe. They both thought as they drove off.