111. Chapter 111

AU After Cops and Robbers

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Yet more of the Castle that I do not own. Rating: M Time: See above.

Author's note: This is another episode of Castle that should have ended differently.

Kate Beckett couldn't remember when she had last been this happy. All she knew was that it had been when her mom was alive. Sitting with Castle and his family in the loft made her so enormously happy. It's odd. She thought. I slept with Tom Demming and I was never this happy with him. Never. I was with Josh for months, I even thought he might be my one and done, but I was never this happy. I've kissed Castle exactly twice, although I don't know if they count as official kisses since they were in the line of duty while we were undercover. She smiled to herself. The hell they don't count as official kisses! I've hugged him a few times, held his hand, but I've never said or done anything to show him that I do love him.

God! My life is such a mess. I can have a basically meaningless fling with two men and I can't allow myself to do anything with Castle. Why am I this way? Why can't I let my mom's murder go? Why must it be the center of my existence?

She thought back to the bomb explosion that afternoon. He was dead. I knew it. There was no other possibility. I hoped that I could at least tell him that I loved him before he died. Then I would have killed Trapper John and his whole team, no matter how long it took. When I thought Castle was dead, I stopped being a cop. I was a cold blooded killer and nothing else. And then a miracle happened. He was alive. They were all alive. I almost told him how I felt. I almost told him what his life and his death meant to me. Everything.

And here I sit. I want desperately to be a part of this family. To be part of Castle's family. To be his girl, his lover…His wife? Is that too much for me to hope for?

Kate yawned widely.

"Richard, dear, I'm afraid we're keeping Kate up too late. You should take her home."

"No, I'm okay, Martha." Kate protested. "I'm really not that tired and I'm having fun."

Castle checked his watch. "It'll be after midnight by the time I get you home, Beckett. We really should go." He stood up and held out his hand. "Come on, Detective. Time to go home."

She took his hand and allowed him to pull her to her feet. She slid under his arm and rested against his chest. She let her breasts push against him. God! How I want more.

"Let me get my keys and we'll be out of here." He went to his office.

As soon as he left, Martha hugged her. "Katherine, I hope you know that you are always welcome in this house. Always."

Her use of Castle's word made Kate happy. She felt Alexis slide next to her and joined the hug. "Thank you so much for all you did today, Detective Beckett. Thank you so much."

"Please, Alexis. Call me Kate."

The young redhead smiled. "Thank you, Kate."

Castle came out with his keys. "Ready?"

"You don't have to take me home, Castle. I can get a cab."

"After what you did today? I should be pulling you home in a rickshaw or a chariot. Come on, Beckett. I'm taking you home."

Once in the elevator headed for the garage, Kate leaned against Castle. "One thing, Kate. If in the future, someone does paint the walls with my blood, I absolutely forbid you to walk into a gang of heavily armed crooks and put a bullet in their heads. I do not want you dying with me. Understand?"

"Castle, I wouldn't have a life worth living without you." As soon as the words were out of her mouth she knew she had said too much. She put her arms around her and held him as tightly as she could, waiting for his reply.

"I'm that important to you, Kate?"

She nodded. She had to tell him everything now. As soon as she realized that, she began to cry.

"Kate….Kate, what is it?"

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Castle." Kate tried to stop crying but couldn't. She took a deep breath and began. "I remember everything that happened at the cemetery. I remember what you said. I remember you telling me that you love me." The sobs overcame Kate and she couldn't go on.

"You remembered? When?"

"Always." She said and held him as tightly as she could. "I know how you must feel and…" Kate couldn't continue. "You're angry." She managed.

"I'm angry, I'm confused, I'm hurt, I'm curious….I'm a lot of things, Kate."

"You must hate me."

Rick was about to say something nasty to Kate, but somehow, when he looked down at her, he saw not the veteran, hard as nails detective he knew so well, but a frightened nineteen year old who had just lost her mother. The harsh reply died on his lips. "I love you, Kate. You know I love you."

Castle noticed that they had arrived at the underground garage of the loft. "We need to talk and we can't do it in an elevator. We're going back upstairs." He pressed the up button.

"Martha and Alexis are there." Kate was still crying but a great weight had been lifted off of her. He loves me. He loves me.

"We still need to talk, Honey." Rick gently kissed the top of her head.

When they walked through the door, Martha turned and saw her son holding onto an obviously distraught Kate Beckett. Tears still flowed down her face. "Richard Castle! What have you done?" She demanded ominously.

Before Rick could answer, Kate spoke. "He told me he loves me."

Martha's frown changed to a smile at once. "In that case, Alexis and I will be upstairs. Come, Alexis." She took her granddaughter's hand and drew her up the stairs.

"Grams! Wait!"

"Upstairs! Now." Martha commended. Up the stairs they went.

Rick led Kate to his office. He led her to the other chair, but instead of sitting she followed him to his chair and pushed him down into it and sat on his lap, putting her arms around his neck.

"Castle, I lied to you and I'm deeply ashamed of what I did. I'll do anything to make things right. Anything at all."

"Okay, first of all, I love you. Do you love me?"

"Yes. Yes, I love you Richard Castle. I love you more than anyone. I'm yours completely."

"Then why did you lie to me?"

She explained, haltingly, about how she had dedicated herself to finding her mom's killer. She told him of the pain of Montgomery's death and the knowledge that he had known all about her mother's killers and never told her. That betrayal hurt her beyond words. Then there was her own physical and mental pain from her shooting. There was the knowledge that she was the target of a vast, powerful conspiracy. "Everything was just too much for me, Rick. I'm sorry. I should have been stronger. But I was right. I'm still not the woman you deserve, but I'm doing all I can to be that woman. Please wait for me. Please."

Castle stroked her hair. "Kate, you are truly remarkable and there's no need for me to wait. You are exactly the woman I want, although I'm not sure I'll ever deserve you. But I want you and no one but you. Always. I'm still angry and hurt, not as much as I was before, but I love you."

Kate checked her watch. "It's late. I should get to bed."

"Right." Before Castle could say anything else, she took off her jacket and dropped it on the desk. Then she walked out into his living room. He stood up and followed her. Just outside his office, she took off her blouse and dropped it on the floor. "You coming, Castle?" She asked. "Dressed like that?" She added.

As he took off his shirt, she took off her bra and then slid her pants down her legs and dropped them on the floor. Her panties and knee high hose followed them. Kate was naked and so was Rick. She held out her hand, he took it and led him to his bedroom.

As he closed the door, she thought of something. "I must look a mess. I'll be in the bathroom for a second. Wait? Please?" She hurried into the bathroom and looked at herself in the Mirror. Her mascara had run all down her cheeks and her makeup was badly smudged. She ran water in the sink and grabbed a washcloth, scrubbing as hard as she could, almost afraid that if she gave him too long to think about it, he'd change his mind.

When she came out, he was on the bed, fully aroused. She smiled. She had waited for this for so long. She felt so foolish for denying herself this. "Rick, I don't need any foreplay. I just want you inside of me as fast as I can get you there. And I want to make you come as soon as possible, and then, I'm afraid I'm going to snuggle up against you and go to sleep. This has been one of the most difficult days of my life. But I promise you, this is just the beginning."

She straddled him and then grasped his erection and guided it into her.

"You're so wet," He said.

"I've been waiting for this for years. Far too long."

"Lean forward." He asked.

She did and he took her boobs in his hands and stroked them, then rubbed her already stiff nipples. As she drove herself up and down on him, he increased the pace of his strokes on her boobs and nipples, alternating between concentrating on the nipple and then on the whole boob. In no time at all, it seemed, he came inside of her. She moaned with her mouth closed, conscious that Martha and Alexis were near.

She collapsed onto her lover and he held her close, kissing her neck. "You were right." He whispered, "I had no idea."

She slid off of him and they got between the covers. "No idea?" She teased, "Wait until I have time to do this right."

As she snuggled against him, he whispered to her. "Kate, I have a secret, too."

"Can it wait until tomorrow?" She asked sleepily.

"Sure. I love you."

"I love you, too"