124. Chapter 124

After The Limey, Again

By

UCSbdad

Disclaimer: Bloody Hell, mate! Castle ain't mine. Rating: T Time: See above.

Rick propped himself on his elbow and looked at the gorgeous woman sleeping beside him. This is what I need. He thought to himself. Three years of walls and snide remarks and lies is just too damned much. Especially the lies. It would be one thing if she just came out and admitted that she just doesn't really like me. But she had to lie about it. That hurts.

But, okay, I can do this. After all, it's what she did. She had boyfriends while we worked together. Sorenson, Demming and DMB. Of course I've been with women while we were together…While we were working together, as well. Meredith. God, but she is great in bed. And a disaster out of it. Ellie Monroe. There's nothing wrong with being used if you're used like that, I suppose. Gina was…Well, Gina was Gina. Enough said. But Jacinda? She's great! Fun, sweet, smart, great in bed and no damned hang ups. No! No! I am not going to get all upset about Beckett again. God, she looked gorgeous when she and that Hunt guy headed off to that damned party. No! No! So she looked gorgeous. Big deal. All I'll ever get to do is look at gorgeous Beckett. What the hell do I want with that? Someone like Jacinda is so much better for me.

Jacinda woke up and rolled over, looking up at Rick. "Hey, Tiger. Ready for another round?"

Rick smiled to himself. That's something I'll never hear from Beckett. "You bet, sweetheart. I'm always ready for more of you."

The drink with Colin Hunt had turned into three drinks and then Colin had contacted his airline and scheduled a later flight. After another drink, Kate agreed to go to a hotel near the airport with him. Once inside, she put her arms around him and drew him close. He kissed her, gently at first, then with more passion. His tongue entered her mouth and his hand slid under her sweater to caress her boobs.

Kate took a step back and pushed him away. "I'm sorry, Colin. I just can't do this. I'm so sorry." She turned and rushed out the door and ran to her Crown Vic. Looking in the rearview mirror, she saw Colin Hunt coming out of the motel room, headed for her. She quickly turned on the ignition, and sped away. She found that she was crying so hard that she could barely see. I'll kill myself or someone else like this.

She found a well lit street and quickly parked. Sobs racked her body as she tried to determine what she should do. There was no longer any doubt in her mind that Castle had given up on her. All of her years of pushing him away, all of her attempts to change herself so that she could be with him, everything she had hoped would one day happen between them were over and done with. Richard Castle had moved on. He wanted fun and uncomplicated. Kate thought back on the time she had spent with Castle. If there was one thing she wasn't, it was fun and uncomplicated. I was fun and uncomplicated once. I was nineteen and my life was as full of fun as I could manage. Uncomplicated? I was the Becks the Rebel, the most uncomplicated girl there ever was.

So something else died because of whoever killed my mom. My future is dead. My would-be lover is gone. All I have now is that empty feeling I had for a dozen years after Mom died and an ache where my heart used to be. All gone. Nothing left.

She was interrupted by a tapping on the passenger's side window. She reached for her badge to chase the busy body off, but saw it was Colin Hunt. She rolled the passenger side window down an inch or two. "Colin, I'm sorry. I'm sure you think I'm the worst tease in New York, but I just can't. Please leave."

"Kate, I think you're a woman with a problem. I think that problem goes by the name of Richard Castle. I thought that it might help to talk about it. I know you Yank coppers carry guns, so believe me, I'm not about to try anything. Can we talk?"

Kate unlocked the door and Colin slid into the bucket seat. Kate turned sideways in her seat so she could face him.

"You and Castle are together, or were?" He asked. "And you still want to be?"

Kate shook her head. "It's complicated. " She told Colin about herself and Castle, from her mom's murder, her becoming a cop, her life for the decade or so before she met Castle, her first meeting with the author, her relationship with him, her other boyfriends, his confession of love for her and finally his seeming abandonment of her.

"He stayed with you for three years?" Colin asked. "I'd say that's love."

"He may have loved me once, but I'm afraid that's over."

"Why do you thing he gave up on you? Did you do something? Date another bloke? Say something that would have made him think you didn't want him around?"

Kate shook her head vigorously. "I didn't date anyone. Not for about a year. I just wanted him. I thought he'd…I thought he'd wait for me." Kate looked at the floor of the car. "I've been seeing a police therapist since my shooting. We talk a lot about me and Castle now. It's just about all we talk about. I've looked back at the time I've spent with Castle and all I see is one long nasty, mean, spiteful, hateful remark or action after another from me."

"Once we went undercover to trap a drug dealer in a club. Naturally, I dressed up as a party girl. Short, tight dress, showing cleavage. Castle and I went on the dance floor until I could spot the dealer. We danced, I looked like I was flirting with him. When I saw him, I told Castle to get us some drinks. I wanted him out of the way. He wasn't a cop. He could have gotten hurt. But he was just standing there looking at me dance. Like he was checking me out. So I glared at him and he headed for the bar. I went to the dealer and sat next to him. I let him grope me. Slide his hand along my thigh. Castle saw it of course. That's the sort of things you have to do when you're undercover. A cop would have known that, but I don't know if Castle did. I've been thinking that over, and maybe the message I was sending to Castle was that I didn't mind strange men groping me, but I didn't want him ogling me."

Colin shook his head. "I don't know Castle at all well, but he seems to have a cop's instincts. And I know you're not the type to let strange men grope you, so I really can't see Castle getting that kind of message from you."

"Perhaps, Colin. But there are times I know I've screwed up. You know about the Nikki Heat books and that I'm the model for Nikki?" Colin nodded. "Castle's written three Nikki Heat books and I love them. I think Nikki is a great character and I'm proud to be his inspiration for her, and his muse. But I've never told Castle that. Just the opposite. In fact. A few weeks ago I told him that being his muse was no big deal."

"One thing." Colin said. "This Jacinda, the air hostess, isn't some old girlfriend, someone he's known for a while? She's just someone he just ran into recently?"

Kate nodded. "I don't think he's known her for a week even."

"Then he really can't have any kind of emotional commitment to her, can he? I know we talk about love at first sight, but I don't believe in it. You have to go talk to Castle. Tell him how you feel. Ask him how he feels. From what I've seen tonight, you can't be any more miserable than you are right now, no matter what he says."

Kate nodded. "It's my only hope, isn't it?"

Colin nodded. "Now if you'll forgive me, I see some taxis up ahead and I need to gather my things and get to the airport. Good luck, Kate."

Kate pulled up across the street from Castle's loft. She got out of her car and looked up at his window. She saw someone at the window and her heart soared. He was home. Then she saw it was a woman. A naked woman. A blonde naked woman. Then she saw Castle come up behind her and put his arms around her and pull her close. Castle reached up and closed the curtains.

Kate walked back to her car and cried.