160. Chapter 160

After the Double Down, Again

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: It's no coincidence that I keep saying I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above

"So you let him back on your team?"

Kate Beckett looked away from her best friend, concentrating instead on her wine glass. "It wasn't my decision. The mayor wants him there. The police commissioner wants him there. Captain Montgomery wants him there. So he's there."

"I'm sorry, sweetie, but I seem to remember you telling Castle that he could follow you on that one case and then he was gone."

Kate shrugged, still not making eye contact with Lanie. "So?"

"And someone told me that you told him you were done with him. But, he came back later and apologized to you. And you told him he could come back."

She turned to Lanie. "So? He was going to come back anyway. Why make an issue of it?"

"So you think Castle would have left and never come back if you hadn't invited him back?"

"We'll never know, will we?" Yes. He would have left me if I had insisted. I saw that in his eyes. I saw that his apology was sincere. I saw that…I saw a lot of things that I don't want to even think about.

"If you say so, sweetie. But what are you going to do now?"

Kate frowned and shook her head. "Do? Duh! I'm going to solve murders. That's what we do, remember?"

It was Lanie's turn to frown and shake her head. "You're being shadowed by Richard Castle. Rich. Handsome. Sexy. Fun? You remember fun don't you? Is there some reason you couldn't have a little fun with Castle?"

"If all I wanted out of life was to get laid, I can go to a lot of places, find a lot of guys who have nothing but that in mind. That's not what I want and you know it."

"True." Lanie said thoughtfully. "What I don't know is what you do want."

"Sure you do. I want to do my job. And Castle's a help with that. Okay, I do complain a lot about him. But he's smart, very smart. A lot smarter than I gave him credit for. Even now, he keeps surprising me."

"You should let him surprise you all right." Lanie muttered.

Kate gave Lanie a slight glare. "And he's knowledgeable. He seems to know something about just about everything. And what he doesn't know, he has an expert on call. Most importantly, as much as I hate his wild, irrational, completely improbable theories, he's perfectly capable of stringing a bunch of seemingly random facts together and coming up with the story of the crime. He's helped solve any number of cases. I can't let that kind of expertise go."

"That's it, Kate? That's all you want out of life? To be a cop?"

She thought for a second before answering. "No, I do want more. I want what my parents had. I want a loving husband and a happy family. I want to be a mom. I want to grow old with a man who will always love only me. And we both know that isn't Castle."

"How do you know it isn't if you don't try?"

Kate laughed. "You've met him. He's had two failed marriages and he's now retired from the marital game to pursue an endless collection of super models, Hollywood starlets, society woman and the occasional ex-wife. But when I think of what kind of a husband I'd want to raise a child with, I think of Castle. Every time I see him with Alexis or he talks about her, I see what a great parent he is. That's one of life's great mysteries. How can he be so good a parent and so…immature otherwise?

"You don't think that Castle got married twice because he's looking for a happily ever after with one woman?" Lanie asked.

"You've heard how he talks about all the sex he's had. He doesn't sound the least bit wistful about his prior marriages." Plus he is Richard Castle, millionaire playboy, handsome, funny, engaging. Women line up to have him sign their breasts. Most of them make no bones about their willingness to do more. How long could he avoid the temptation? How could I possibly compete with that many beautiful women?

Lanie sighed. "But think of the fun you could have."

"I do have fun with Castle. On the job. Or the occasional beer after work, burger at Remy's or Chinese takeout at my desk during a long night. That's fun on my terms. On my turf. In his world it'd be different. I'd be the girlfriend he'd have to buy a dress for so I didn't look ridiculous at some black tie event. I don't go to opera or ballet opening nights. I don't go to charity events and drop the equivalent of a month's salary on a whim. I'd never fit in his world.

"I just wish you'd give him a chance, sweetie."

"Who knows? Maybe some day I will. Or maybe I won't. But it won't be tonight, Lanie. I have to go home and go to bed. I have to work tomorrow."

"With Castle."

She smiled to herself. "With Castle."

…...

"So she took you back?"

"Do you really have to sound so surprised, Mother?"

Martha shook her head. "There's more to this than just a book, isn't there?"

"What do you mean by that?" He asked, trying to sound puzzled by the question.

"You apologized to the woman, Richard. You hate apologizing to people because you hate being wrong. Or should I say you hate being proved wrong."

"That's absurd. I apologize a lot of times."

"Name one, kiddo."

Castle thought for a second. "The book launch party. I apologized to that woman when my hand slipped while signing her boobs."

Martha rolled her eyes. "You were trying to get her to take off her top so you could "correct" your mistake. A mistake, I might add, that you make with alarming frequency. One would almost think you did it intentionally, just to cop a feel."

"That's…very perceptive of you." Castle said, wondering if anyone else noticed.

"Name another time you apologized." Martha said in her sternest motherly voice.

He thought. "Gina! Gina, when I didn't get the final chapter of Storm's Fall to her on time."

"And how many lies did you tell her to explain why you were late?"

"They weren't lies…exactly." He finished lamely.

"Well, kiddo, you should carefully consider what you relationship with Kate Beckett is. You've hurt her badly once. I don't want to see you do it again over some book." Martha turned on her heel and left, leaving Castle sitting alone in his office.

Beckett is a remarkable woman. She's like no one I've ever met. Fiercely intelligent. Dedicated. Caring. And terribly, terribly hurt. And terribly alone. I know better now. I won't hurt her. I can't hurt her. No matter what.

I wonder if she'll ever find someone?

…...

"I didn't think she'd take him back this time." Ryan said. "You know how she is about her mom's case. That's the kiss of death."

"I know, bro. But there they were, back together. Just like before."

Ryan nodded. "It's good to see her smiling so much. She wasn't that way before Castle."

"He'd better keep her smiling." Esposito said sharply.

"Him? Richard Castle? Millionaire playboy and pure chick magnet? Do you think he's going to hang around here for Beckett? And do you think that Beckett would ever fall for him?"

"Stranger things have happened."

Ryan laughed. "Only in Richard Castle's books."