183. Chapter 183

AU After A Deadly Game

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: This is not a game, but I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: Se above.

"Beckett." She said crisply into the phone at her desk.

There was a brief pause. "I'm sorry. I seem to have the wrong number. I'm trying to reach a Mrs. Katherine Demming. Can you help me?"

"Yes. I'm Katherine Demming. But I use my maiden name, Beckett, on the job. What can I do for you?"

"Mrs. Demming, I'm Charles Gordon, of Howard, Ford and Gordon, Attorneys-at-Law. We're handling the estate of our client, Richard Castle."

Kate felt her stomach drop like a rock. "I'm sorry. His estate? I didn't know that there was any evidence of his…." She couldn't finish the sentence.

"The State Department has issued an official finding of death in Mr. Castle's case. Are you at all familiar with the circumstances of his passing?"

Of course I am. She wanted to scream, but she didn't. "I've seen the TV news reports, of course."

"Perhaps I should tell you what we've gotten from the State Department. Mr. Castle went to Sub-Saharan Africa, the Sahel as they call it, to do research for his next books."

And to get away from the muse for his last books. She added to herself.

Gordon continued. Kate wondered if he got paid by the hour. "He was embedded with the French forces in Mali, much as he was embedded with the NYPD."

No! It was nothing like it was when he was here.

"He was being helicoptered into a platoon sized outpost in the far north, near the border with Mauretania. Just as the relieving platoon got off the helicopters and before the other platoon could board, a large force of Islamists attacked. One helicopter was shot down, the remainder were damaged to one extent or the other and had to return to base. The French had to put together a force of some one thousand men to try to retake the base, but that took several days. They were only able to hold the base for a few hours before they had to retreat. They managed to recover some mutilated bodies, but nearly a hundred men were unaccounted for."

"Then they don't know that Castle's dead. Not definitely." She said, hoping she was right.

"As I said, Mrs. Demming, the State Department has made a determination of death. French and African Union forces did capture some rebels later who were involved in the attack. They reported seeing a dead European, by which they mean a Caucasian, in civilian clothing. Mr. Castle was the only civilian there. They also recovered Mr. Castle's watch, which had his name engraved on it. The man who had the watch said he took it from a dead European. Under the circumstances, the State Department doesn't feel that any more definitive proof will ever be found of his death."

Kate took a deep breath. As she had done for years, she pushed her feelings down and remained in control. "May I ask why you called me about this?"

"Mr. Castle left you a bequest in his will. Would it be convenient for you to drop by tomorrow afternoon?"

….

"Mrs. Demming? I'm Charles Gordon and this is…" he gestured to the man with Kate.

"I'm her husband, Tom Demming." They shook hands.

"If you'll follow me into my office we can get started."

Once the three were seated, Mr. Gordon took out a document. "Mrs. Demming, Mr. Castle was quite generous with you. He had put all of the proceeds of the Nikki Heat books, the money from the upcoming movie, and everything else Nikki Heat related, into a separate fund. As of the end of last month, it amounts to $5,403,297. He left it all to you. You will also receive any future profits from future Nikki Heat books and any other income from that source. As you may know, he finished the three books he was contracted for in record time. Only one, Naked Heat, has been published, but the response has been very profitable. You can expect a great deal of money for a very long time, I'd say."

Kate was absolutely stunned. Why, after all I did to him, would he do that? It makes no sense.

Tom was ecstatic. "God! Honey, we're rich. We're millionaires." He reached over and pulled his wife into a fierce hug.

"Mrs. Demming?" Gordon interrupted. "Mr. Castle also left you a letter." He held out an envelope. Inside was a single piece of paper addressed to Kate. She read it.

Dear Kate,

If you're reading this, then I'm dead. You have no idea what that feels like to sit here and read that. I hope you are reading this after a long and happy life, but for some reason I've had this premonition that I'm going to die soon. I'm sure you would have laughed at me if I told you, but I'm the kind who believes in those things.

From the first day that I met you, I knew that you were special. As I got to know you better, I realized that you were remarkable, spectacular, fascinating, amazing and tall. No one was more surprised than I was that I fell deeply in love with you. I should also have known from the first day I met you that things would never work out between us. And they didn't. I have never wanted anything but to make you happy, and I do hope that you find that happiness.

Please know that my last conscious thought in my life will be of the woman I so love, Katherine Houghton Beckett.

I love you,

Castle

When she finished reading the letter, tears were pouring down her cheeks.

"Mrs. Demming?" Gordon said softly. "You do have a few things to sign, if you will?"

Kate nodded and began singing her name. When she was done, she saw that Tom was reading Castle's letter.

"The nerve of that guy! Sending my wife a love letter." He shook his head. "You were right about him. If he wasn't already dead, I'd punch him."

"Tom, can we just go now?" She managed to choke out.

….

On the way home, Tom had talked about what they could do with the money. Kate had managed to dry her eyes, but said nothing. Once inside their apartment, Tom had gone to the refrigerator for a bottle of wine to celebrate with. He filled two glasses, but Kate had gone straight to the bedroom.

After a minute or two, Tom became curious. "Kate, honey, what are you doing?"

There was no reply.

He walked into the bedroom to find his wife packing a suitcase. "What are you doing?" He asked, curious.

"I'm leaving." She said.

"Leaving? Where? Why?"

"Because I don't love you."

Tom's curiosity was changing to anger. "You inherit five million dollars and all of a sudden you don't love me? I don't believe it."

"I never loved you. And I never will love you. This was a horrible mistake, and I'm not going to let it go on." She closed the suitcase and turned to face him. "I'm sorry, Tom. I know how much this hurts you. I wish we had never dated. I wish I could love you, but I can't. I wish I could fix this, but I can't."

He put his hands on her shoulders. "Kate! You're my wife and I love you. We need to talk about this."

"You're my husband and I don't love you. There's nothing to talk about. I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry."

"You inherit from that bastard, and all of a sudden I'm not good enough for you? This is not over, Kate!"

She pushed past him and left the apartment.

…

Kate made it to Lanie's apartment before she fell apart. When Lanie opened her door she found her best friend standing there, sobbing inconsolably.

"Sweetie! What is it?" She said as Kate collapsed in her arms. Lanie pulled Kate inside and sat her on the couch. "What is it?"

All Kate could do was give Lanie Rick's letter.

"What's this about him being dead? Did they find his body? And he loves you? What happened, Kate?"

Kate kept sobbing for long minutes, but then got enough control to talk to Lanie. "The State Department has evidence that he's dead. I got a call from the lawyer who's handling…"Kate couldn't say the words. "Handling things. I was mentioned in Castle's will. And he left me the letter. Oh, God! Lanie, he loved me."

Lanie held her friend. "Kate, you're married to Tom now. You have him. You should be with him, not me." She said gently.

"You remember what happened when Castle dumped me to go off with Gina to the Hamptons? I had broken up with Tom to go with Castle, but when I wanted to tell Castle, Gina showed up. Lanie, it broke my heart. And then Tom said he wanted me back. It was like I was getting a second chance. Like the Universe was telling me that I was right to go with Tom and not Castle. You know the rest. The whirlwind romance, the proposal, the wedding. Everybody said, "It's the same old Beckett. Won't show anything of what she feels." You even teased me about it. It was my wedding day. It should have been the happiest day of my life and I didn't feel a damned thing. And every day since then, I've woken up and said, this is the day I'll stop loving Castle and start loving Tom. And that day never came. And then I got the letter. He loved me and I blew it. How could I have screwed three lives up so badly?"

"Sweetie, Tom loves you."

"But I don't love him. On the way over here, I called Castle's lawyer. I'm divorcing Tom. I can't be his wife any more. I don't love him. I'll never love him. At least I can set him free before I screw up even worse."

"Kate, a divorce? This is just way too sudden."

"It's not sudden. It's been going on for two years now. Lanie, I made an appointment with the lawyer for tomorrow afternoon. Will you come with me? When I talked to him, I knew he thought I was the greediest bitch ever. I just inherited five million dollars and now I wanted to dump my husband."

"Wait! Five million! Dollars?"

….

When she arrived at the precinct the next morning, Ryan and Esposito were already there.

"Beckett, what's going on?"

She just shook her head. "I'm a mess. I'll tell you later."

Esposito nodded. "Okay, but Demming was in here earlier. We got his side of it, sort of, but we just want you to know, that whatever the problem is, we're on your side, 100%."

"Both of us." Ryan added. "So if you need anything, let us know."

"Demming was pretty mad, so if he gives you any trouble at all, remember, we're your partners."

Kate sat down in her chair, subconsciously looking over to Castle's chair, as if she could bring him back. "I should tell you everything, starting with this." She handed Ryan Castle's letter. Then she explained what had happened, from the day she had first met Castle until yesterday.

Esposito handed the letter back. "Demming said you inherited five million. He said if you do go ahead with the divorce, he'll get half of it."

Kate just nodded. "If the money is so important, he can have all of it. I was never interested in Castle's money. All that I got yesterday of any value to me was this letter. And it's too late. Too damned late."

….

Mr. Gordon was polite to Kate and Lanie when they came in that afternoon. He invited them into his office and asked them to sit.

"Mrs. Demming, I know that inheriting a great deal of money can be unsettling, but…"

Kate interrupted him. "I prefer to be called Ms. Beckett. And this has nothing to do with money. I love Richard Castle. I had a choice between Castle and Tom. I didn't believe that Castle would ever love…some cop. I chose Tom instead. I was wrong. Horribly wrong. The letter I got from Castle yesterday was his confession of love for me." She handed Gordon the letter." I don't care about the money. All I want is to be divorced as fast as I can. I screwed up Castle's life and contributed to his death. I've screwed up my life as well, and I've screwed up Tom's life. The only thing that I can fix is my marriage with Tom. He deserves to be out of a marriage with a woman who never loved him and never will. If money is a problem, he can have everything I got from Castle. He can have everything we bought together. He can have every damned thing I have if he wants it. The only thing I want and need is the letter from Rick."

Gordon read the letter again and looked at Kate. "Give Mr. Demming everything, Ms. Beckett? Mr. Castle would come back from the grave to haunt me if I allowed that. Let me handle everything, Ms. Beckett. We'll have you divorced as quickly as possible. Now if you will excuse me, I need to prepare some papers for your signature. If you could wait here for a half an hour or so?"

Kate nodded and Mr. Gordon turned to leave. Then he turned back to Kate. "Mr. Castle talked a great deal about you when he was changing his will. May I say that you're everything he said you were. And more."

….

"Beckett?"

She turned in her chair. "What is it, Espo?"

"We got a call from Martha Rodgers while you were out. She asked us to invite all of Castle's friends from the 12th to a memorial service this Friday."

"It'll be at one o'clock at St. Michael's." Ryan added. "I'm not aware that Castle was at all religious, but apparently he was good friends with Father Egan. Did a lot of work for the parish charities. Anyway, you should come with us."

She started to shake her head no, but Espo spoke up. "You're the best friend he had here, no doubt. He'd really want you there."

"We're not going to take no for an answer."

Kate arrived with the 12th Precinct contingent, which was quite a large one. Kate had dressed all in black and sat next to Lanie, crying and holding her friend's hand. The priest celebrated a full funeral Mass and some of Castle's many friends spoke. Martha and Alexis spoke, as did his manager, Paula Haas. Several of his writer friends spoke, including James Patterson. Roy Montgomery spoke on behalf of the 12th Precinct and his friends there. Kate vaguely noted that few people spoke of Nikki Heat and no one mentioned her.

After the Mass, everyone gathered outside the church, talking in small groups. Kate looked up to see Martha and Alexis coming over to her group.

Martha stopped and glared at Kate. "Mrs. Demming. I'm surprised to see you here. I would have thought that you'd be celebrating your recent good fortune."

Kate took a deep breath and tried to respond. "Martha, I'm…"

Martha cut her off. "I'd like to thank all of Richard's friends who came here today. Thank you." With that, Martha strode off, followed by Alexis who ignored Kate.

Kate leaned into Lanie and sobbed.

"Sweetie, you should go talk to those two."

"What can I say? I helped kill their son and father. What good would saying I'm sorry do? They don't blame me any more than I do."

….

"I'm sorry, Dad. I can't imagine screwing things up any worse than I did. I guess you must be disappointed in me. I always wanted what you and Mom had. A family, kids, a happy life filled with love. I won't have that now. I'm sorry. I know you wanted grandkids. I wanted to give them to you."

"Katie, what I want most of all is for you to be happy. Are you sure that Tom isn't your one and done? You seem to have made this decision awfully rapidly. I don't want you to do anything you'll regret later."

"Too late, Dad. I've already done something I'll regret for the rest of my life. And now I have nothing but a letter."

"Katie, there are other men out there, you know."

"Another Richard Castle? I told you, I built up a wall around myself after Mom's death to keep me from getting hurt like that again. Castle managed to get through that wall in under a year. I don't even think Tom knew the wall was there. Even if I found another Castle, I couldn't let him get past my walls. The pain would be just too much."

"One thing I know, Katie, Castle never gave up and he'd never let you give up. Don't give up on yourself."

"I'm sorry. I'm just very, very tired. I'm just so tired of everything."

….

"Captain Montgomery?" Kate closed the door behind her and sat. "We need to talk."

Captain Montgomery had been expecting that Kate would want to talk. "You do know that Detective Demming has transferred into Personnel at One PP? He didn't feel that a man in his soon to be financial position should be out on the streets all the time."

"I'm not interested in him, sir." Kate said coldly. After all the things Tom had called her and all the things he'd said about her, she couldn't have cared less about him. "But my divorce hearing is scheduled for late next month. My attorney says everything is agreed upon and it should go through with no problems. Then it's just a matter of some final paperwork being taken care of, splitting the assets, all of that. When that's done, I'm planning to resign from the NYPD."

This was not something he had expected. "I'd advise against that, Kate. I know you'll need some time off, so I'd suggest you take an unpaid leave of absence."

"Sir, I know that Ryan and Esposito haven't said anything to you, but they've been carrying me ever since…then. My heart just isn't in it any more. I look at the murder board, and I keep waiting for Castle to say something. I look at his chair and expect to see him come in and sit there. I still look for him to bring me a cup of coffee each morning. But I know none of those things are ever going to happen. I can't go on like this. I just can't."

Roy nodded. "You have time left, give it some thought, Kate. You need to do something."

"I'll think about it, sir." She lied.

…...

That night, Kate sat in her new apartment. She had only been in it a week, and already she hated it. Everything reminded her of all the things she'd never have. A bed that she'd never share with the man she loved. A book case full of his books, the back covers showing a smiling face she'd never see again. A coffee machine that he'd never make coffee for her with. So many things.

It would be so easy to just to join you, Rick. So easy. But you never gave up and you won't let me give up. But it would be so easy.

So easy…