191. Chapter 191

After Murder Most Fowl, Again

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: How foul would I be to claim to own Castle? Rating: K Time: See above.

"You don't look so good, kiddo. What is it?"

Castle took another sip of his orange juice. "Nothing. I'm fine."

Martha gave him a skeptical look. "Really?"

He nodded. "Really."

Martha gave her son a very skeptical look. "Do I have to get out the rubber hoses and thumb screws to make you talk, or can we do this in a civilized manner?"

"I've seen some things working with…the 12th Precinct."

"Working with Beckett, you mean?"

He nodded. That's right. I work with Beckett, not the 12th Precinct. She's the only reason I'm there. "The Tyler Donegal case got to me. I was sitting there, looking at the murder board, and all of a sudden, it hit me. That kid wasn't too much younger that Alexis. And I started thinking of other people who've been murdered while I've been with Beckett. Hayley Blue, for instance. I took Alexis to see her. Hayley was, what, twenty five? Just starting out her life. There's a serial killer out there who preys on blondes. Maybe there's one that likes redheads?"

"You can't just lock Alexis away, you know. Although you seem to think there may be a way to get away with it."

"I know. I know. It's just that I've tried so hard to be there for Alexis, to be the cool dad, but to keep her grounded. I told you about those rich kids when I first started shadowing Beckett? More than anything else, I wanted to make sure Alexis never became a rich, spoiled brat."

Martha laughed. "You've succeeded beyond your wildest imagination, Richard."

He smiled back at his mother. "I know." He grew more serious. "Don't take this wrong, but I did miss not having a father growing up. I never actually felt that I really missed anything, but I'd wonder, was I missing something. You can't miss what you never had, right?" He held up his hands to stop Martha who was about to say something. "You were the best mother I could possibly have had. But I wanted things with my marriage to Meredith to be different."

"Different would be a good way to describe Meredith." Martha said coldly.

"That's a lot of the reason that I put up with her. I have had this thought way in the back of my mind that one day Meredith will show up here and he a wonderful, responsible, caring mother, and we'll have the kind of family I always wanted. The well-known nuclear family."

"Really?" Martha said, raising her eyebrows. "And what sort of hallucinogens did you put in that orange juice?"

"Okay. I know that's not going to happen. But hope springs eternal."

"That's not hope, kiddo. That's lunacy. Fantasy."

"Alexis has been the center of my life ever since Meredith walked out. Basically, my whole life has been about her. And now, things are changing. She has a boyfriend."

"You haven't killed any of them yet. That's a good sign."

Castle smiled. "Homicidal thoughts do run through my mind now and again. But I'd have Beckett tracking me down. All I could do would be to surrender peaceably and go live in the joint for the rest of my life."

"I'm sure Katherine would be a character witness at your trial. I'm sure you'd be out in thirty or so years."

"Thanks, Mom. You really know how to make a guy feel better." And Beckett is at the heart of my problem. In spite of everything, I've wanted, deep down someplace, exactly what Beckett wants. Someone to love for the rest of my life. Someone to live with. Someone to talk to at night in bed and discuss our lives. More and more I'm seeing that that person is Detective Kate Beckett. Small problem. Kate doesn't particularly like me. Okay, she likes me, sort of. As her partner in her homicide team and maybe as a sort of friend. But Doctor Motorcycle Boy has her heart. If not him, someone else. She knows me well enough by now. She likes me well enough, but she knows I'll never be what she wants in life. I'm in love with a woman who doesn't love me. How the hell do I handle that? There's only one way really. I just show up every day and bring her coffee. Then one day, she'll find the guy she wants to be her one and done, and I'll just quietly fade away.

"So what are you going to do, Richard? In a few years she'll be off to college, then a career, then marriage and…Oh! I'm too young to have great-grandchildren."

Castle answered without thinking. "I guess just keep bringing her coffee each morning."

"What?"

MUCH, MUCH, MUCH LATER

"I think it's cute that you still worry so much about Alexis." She ruffled his hair and kissed his ear. "But I can't say I liked the idea of Meredith coming back as Super Mom."

"Oddly enough, no one seemed to like it. I never brought it up with Meredith, but I'm sure she would have hated it. Besides, Alexis has a Super Mom, you."

Kate smiled. "Super Step Mom, I'm afraid."

Rick held out his hands. "Okay, you have Meredith here in the left hand and the adorable, remarkable, fascinating…"

"Maddening, frustrating…"Kate added with a smile.

Castle ignored the interruption and went on. "Kate Beckett-Castle in the right. Which do you pick if you're a bona fide genius?" Castle turned his left hand palm down and lifted his right hand up. "Simple."

"I'll just say that I think it's cute how much you worry about Alexis."

"She's not the only one I worry about, you know."

"I know." She leaned her head against his shoulder and took his hand in hers. "Does it bother you that much?"

"Yes."

"I'm not going to quit, you know."

"No, neither am I. This is who we are. Two of New York's finest homicide detectives."

"New York's finest homicide detective and her plucky, comic partner." Kate corrected.

"Duly noted. But we couldn't be anything else. We wouldn't want to be anything else." Castle pulled her close. "But I know what it's like to watch you die. That's something I'll never forget."

"I wouldn't want you to forget. And I remember all of the times I almost lost you. It makes every second with you precious to me."

"Same with me."

"So we're going to get up and go to work tomorrow?"

"Always."