200. Chapter 200

After Countdown

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I'd be down for the count if I claimed to own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above

Author's note: Two hundred chapters?

Josh Davidson was not happy. Although he was holding his girlfriend, he could see that she was looking at Castle as he left the precinct. "Let's go." He said.

Kate nodded and got her things and headed for the elevator, arm in arm with Josh. Once on the street, she looked briefly for Castle, then guiltily looked at her feet. Josh noticed.

"Why do you have to hang around with him?"

"Who?"

"Kate, don't play dumb with me. You know who. Castle."

"I don't hang around with Castle." She said wearily. They had been over this before. "He's here because the Mayor wants him here. And he's my partner. Ryan and Esposito are also my partners. You don't complain about them. Why do you complain about Castle?"

"Ryan and Esposito don't look at you the way Castle does. Are you telling me there isn't something between you two?"

"I see how Castle looks at me too. I see it very day. It's called friendship. You have nothing to worry about. Castle is my partner, no more."

"Your partner?" Josh said sarcastically. "He's a writer. You and your team have decades of police experience and training behind you. What does he have? Photos of himself and a super model at Le Cirque? Give me a break, Kate. Castle, a detective? Really?"

Kate sighed. Things had been going well for a day or so and now this. "Do you want to talk to Ryan and Esposito about how good a detective Castle is? How about Captain Montgomery? How about Jordan Shaw, the FBI agent?"

Josh shook his head. "I'm sure they'll all toe the party line. The Mayor is Castle's pal, and gets donations from him, so everyone will parrot the story about how Castle is the greatest thing to hit law enforcement since Sherlock Homes."

"So you think I'm lying to you? And to everyone else? You think I'm falsifying police reports to make Castle look good. Not just me, but my team and the whole NYPD?" Kate snapped, getting angry.

Josh realized he'd gone too far. "No. I'm sorry. I apologize. It's just very hard for me to see someone who has a well-deserved reputation as a spoiled, self-centered playboy suddenly becoming this super cop."

Kate tried to reason with Josh. "He's a very intelligent man and very knowledgeable in many areas. We've discussed this before. And I've also told you that jealousy where male and female police partners are concerned is common. And not just with male and female partners. Many wives whose husbands have male partners feel threatened by the close relationship between the two men. Not that the wives suspect anything sexual, it's just that they realize their husbands have a strong bond with another person that they'll never share."

"And I don't like sharing you with Castle." Josh shot back.

"You're not sharing me with…" Kate began.

"Do you know what it's like to have people ask me what it feels like to know that my girlfriend is sleeping openly with another man?" Josh said suddenly.

"I am not sleeping openly with Castle! I am not sleeping with him at all!" Kate shouted, attracting several passersby.

"Well about half the world thinks you are. You're Nikki Heat, remember, and he's Jameson Rook. And you two are together every damned day!"

"I have no control over what everyone thinks, Josh!"

"Yes, you do. You could get rid of him."

She shook her head. "He's the best homicide partner I've ever had, the best I've ever heard of. I can't do my job as best as I can without Castle. Will you please just accept that there's nothing between me and Castle."

Josh glared at her. "You know, I have a job, too. There are people in Haiti who need me. I think I should go home and pack so I can do my job."

Kate was stunned. "Just like that?"

Josh started walking away, but turned to speak to her. "I'd suggest you get rid of Castle in my absence." As Josh walked away he had visions of his girlfriend writhing in passion in Castle's bed.

Kate was still angry and hurt when she knocked on Lanie's door.

"Hey, Sweetie." Lanie's smile faded. She saw Kate's face. "Come on in, Kate. I'll open a bottle of wine and you can tell me all about it.

Soon they were seated on Lanie's couch, with glasses of wine. "What happened, Kate?"

"Josh and I had another fight. He's gone to Haiti."

"For how long?"

Kate shrugged. "I don't know."

"What was the fight about?"

"Castle."

"What did Castle do?"

"Nothing. He did nothing." Now I'm lying to my best friend. Castle has done a lot. He's made me a better detective and a better person. That I could handle. But I'm surer and surer that Castle loves me. During this whole case, I was certain he wanted to tell me something. First in the hazmat shelter, then in that freezer and lastly in the precinct, just before Josh came in. I know damned well that he didn't want to talk about how tired he was and how he had to go home. The look in his eyes told me that. He loves me.

"Then what does Josh think Castle did?" Lanie's question pulled her out of her reverie.

"He thinks I'm sleeping with Castle."

Lanie smiled. "Well, you probably should, then."

"Lanie!" Kate said, shocked. "You are not helping."

"Josh has been with you for a while. If he doesn't know you well enough by now to know you wouldn't cheat on him, he's never going to know you that well."

"I'm not easy to get to know, if you remember." Kate said tartly.

"So what does Josh expect you to do? Stop being a cop? Kick Castle to the curb? What?"

"He wants me to get rid of Castle." Kate took another sip of wine. "And I can't, I won't, do that!"

"So Castle is more important to you than Josh?"

"No!" Kate said sharply. "That's not what I mean." She took a long sip of wine and stared into her glass. It is what I mean. I almost told Castle that I love him, there when we were freezing to death. I almost said it again when we were standing there facing that bomb. If we were going to die, I wanted him to know how I felt. That way Castle would know how I felt and I wouldn't have to face the pain of losing him when he got tired of me.

"Then what did you mean? It sounded to me like you'd choose Castle over Josh."

Kate glared at her friend. Lanie didn't react. "Suppose I chose Castle over Josh. I'm trading a man that I could have a future with for someone who'll be a lot of fun for a while, but eventually break my heart. What kind of a trade is that?"

"Better than having Josh decide who your friends ought to be and how you should do your job. And how do you know Castle will break your heart? You've never given the man a chance."

"I've known Castle for long enough to know him." I know he'll break my heart because he already has when he took Gina to the Hamptons instead of me, and then only came back because he got involved in a murder of a friend. I know how much I hurt when he left me before. And if I tell myself the truth, I love him more now and the pain would be even worse. I simply couldn't handle losing Castle.

Lanie shrugged. "He seems to have settled down a lot in the last couple of years. And there's more to him than what you read about on Page Six. There's Alexis and Martha, and all that he's done with your team."

Kate nodded. "And there's Meredith, and Ellie and Gina, and who knows who else." And why shouldn't he sleep with other women? It's not like I've ever encouraged him. And knowing him as I do, why is he in love with me if I never gave him any encouragement? What would he be like if I did encourage him?

"And there's Kate Beckett. Face it, girl, he's spent more time with you in the past couple of years than any other woman. He's not with you to get you in bed. He could get laid a lot easier elsewhere if that was all he wanted. And he's not doing research any more. Admittedly, he does like solving murders. But mostly, he's there for you and only you."

"He was there for his two ex-wives, too. And now he's not." Kate shot back. And I need Castle to help me solve murders, especially my mom's. I only got Coonan because of him. I'd be nowhere with mom's case without Castle.

Kate downed the last of her wine. "Lanie, I have no idea what I'm going to do. I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head right now, I don't know if I could make a decision about anything. But you have given me a lot to think about. So, thanks. But I'm going to go home and get some sleep."

Once at home and in bed, Kate found herself unable to sleep. I've kissed Castle now. Twice. It was good. It was right. Castle held me in his arms there in the freezer. I wish he was holding me in his arms right now. I wish he was kissing me. I wish we were making love. I wish…Kate stopped. I can't just ignore Castle and what he feels for me, and what I feel for him. I don't need to tell him I love him. I just need to start the ball rolling. Tell him that Josh left me to go to Haiti. Maybe even tell him that Josh is jealous of him and that he told me to drop Castle. And I'll tell Castle I'm not willing to give up our partnership. Maybe if we get closer, I'll know better what to do. Lanie was right about one thing. I've never given Castle a chance.

The next morning Kate waited until nearly everyone was gone someplace and Castle put a fresh cup of Espresso in front of her. She looked up and smiled. "Thanks, Castle."

"No problem." He sat down in his chair by her desk.

Kate opened her mouth to talk, but nothing came out. I can't do this. I can't let Castle get more involved with me. I'm too afraid of what will happen to us in the future. Too afraid of losing him.

"Were you about to say something?" He asked.

"Yes. Could you get the pen off Ryan's desk? Mine seems to be out of ink." Coward!

Author's further note: When discussing Josh, I always like to add an alternate ending for him.

Josh paid off the Haitian girl and walked outside. If Kate was going to cheat on him, there was no reason he couldn't return the favor. He walked to a sidewalk café by the waterfront. He looked up when he heard a roaring sound. What appeared to be a water spout or a tornado was heading in from the Caribbean.

The Haitians around him began running, screaming in Haitian French. Josh tried to puzzle out what they were yelling. What the hell is a sharknado? He thought to himself.

Before he could ponder further, two giant Great White Sharks landed on him and Josh was no more.

I feel so much better.