202. Chapter 202

After Law and Murder, Yet Again

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Send lawyers, guns and money if I ever claim to own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above and below.

Author's note: This takes place immediately after Chapter 98, my previous After Law and Murder story. Those not familiar with the plot of Forbidden Planet might want to look it up on the internet. Or not.

Castle walked Beckett back to her Crown Vic. "You don't need a ride?" She asked.

He shook his head. "There are plenty of cabs around." He smiled at her. "And thanks for taking me to the movie. I appreciate it."

She smiled back. "You're welcome. Just don't lie to me in the future, okay?"

"Never." He said seriously.

"And I had a really good time, too. We should do this again sometime."

"Sure. Any time there's a movie you want to see."

"Okay. Tomorrow, Castle?"

"Tomorrow, Detective."

Kate made sure that Castle got a cab and then started her car. She had gone about a block when the realization suddenly hit her. I practically asked Castle to ask me out on a date. Or, worse, I asked him out on a date. I did. I asked him out. And he agreed at once. He said he'd go any time there's a movie I want to see. So, he doesn't want to just go to a movie, he wants to go with me. He doesn't care what the movie is as long as it's with me.

This is just more than a partner having a burger and a beer at Remy's after a hard day. It's more than a friendship. I should be going to movies with Josh, snuggling up with him and watching the movie and eating popcorn. Okay. I did not snuggle with Castle. We sat together, he did not touch me and I did not touch him. Not that we haven't touched each other. We've kissed. I never told Josh that. He wouldn't understand that Castle only kissed me to distract that guard. We did it to save Ryan and Esposito. But, I enjoyed that kiss. I did. And that's why I haven't told Josh about it. And why I won't tell him about it.

And we did snuggle in that freezer. Castle held me in his arms to keep me warm. I was on his lap so that I'd be off the cold floor. Castle put my life ahead of his own. I have to face it. If Castle doesn't love me, it's because he's fighting it as hard as I'm fighting loving him. But why would he do that? He wouldn't. Because he knows that I'm with Josh. When I was with Tom, he left because he didn't want to watch the two of us together. He's being a gentleman and not trying to break me up with Josh. Just as I didn't want to come between him and Gina. And neither one of us got what we really wanted.

And what do I really want? Josh? Castle? My heart says Castle and my mind says Josh. Could I be happy with Josh in the long term? Will I have a long term with Josh? I told Castle that I already had one foot out the door, but Josh has one foot out the door, too. He has a foot in Haiti, or Africa, or…somewhere other than with me.

Even if Josh isn't the one for me, that doesn't mean that Castle is the one. I can't stop thinking that Castle won't stay with me either. Should I drop both men?

Kate arrived at her building and parked. She was glad to get home. I need a good night's sleep. She thought. But a half an hour after going to bed, she was wide awake, thoughts racing through her head.

Oddly enough, I see parallels between what's happening now and the movie. I'm Altaira. I live with my father, my mother is dead, and have no social life. Captain Adams is Josh. He comes to my planet and I fall in love. Except Altaira didn't have one foot out the door, like I do. But Josh/Captain Adams is the sort of strong, dependable, solid person I need to have in my life. Castle is the Monster from the Id. Powerful and intelligent, but eventually he destroys everything. I can't choose Castle.

Another thought crossed Kate's mind. Or do I have it backwards? Leslie Nielsen played Captain Adams. But Nielsen was a comic genius. His Lieutenant Frank Drebin never went by the book, he was always making jokes and doing silly stuff, but he always solved the case in the end. That's Castle! And who found the key piece of evidence that led me to my mom's killer?

As Kate wrestled with what to do, another thought crossed her mind. There's another parallel between Forbidden Planet and my life. The characters in the film were threatened by a vast and powerful conspiracy, admittedly by a race dead for 200,000 years. There's some sort of conspiracy out there looking for me as well. Can I ask Josh to face that with me? Can I ask Castle to…Kate suddenly felt her stomach fill with razor sharp shards of ice. I don't have to ask Castle. He's already volunteered. He'll go into a gun battle with trained killers without a gun and take down a cold blooded killer. How can I think that he doesn't love me? How can I think he won't do anything for me? One way or another, I need Castle with me. I need him more than I need Josh. I think. And how badly does Josh need me?

To hell with it. I don't have to solve this tonight and I can't solve it tonight. I have no idea how to solve my problem.

Castle sat in his office with the lights out and sipping a glass of Scotch. The DVD of Forbidden Planet was running on his laptop with the sound off.

What the hell was I thinking of? It's no big deal for Beckett and me to go to a movie every once in a while. Any more than it's a big deal if we have lunch or dinner together. Partners do that. Perfectly normal for two friends and colleagues to see each other socially occasionally. So when Beckett says we should do this again, what do I do? Shoot my mouth off and tell her I'll go see anything she wants to see, no questions asked. I might as well have said that I'll do anything as long as I get to be around her. One thing I cannot do is let Beckett know that I love her. That's the quickest way to end our partnership and I can't face that. Not now, anyway. Sooner or later, if not DMB, she'll find someone she wants to be her one and done. Then I'll have to leave. It'll be like the final scene in Forbidden Planet. Beckett will find her very own John J. Adams and then my world will be destroyed.

What the hell am I going to do?