213. Chapter 213

After Demons, Again

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Who you gonna call? If you want who owns Castle, it isn't me. Rating: K Time: See above.

"You were right, Castle. Matt Benton never left the McLaren house."

Rick and Kate looked down at the corpse that had fallen out of the closet. The monogram on the shirt cuff was MB. It had to be Matt Benton.

Castle took a step forward and almost stepped on a rat scurrying across the floor, he dodged to one side and lost his balance, falling towards Beckett. Reaching out instinctively, he grabbed her ass and held on until he had regained his balance. He stood there with his hand on her ass for a second. Realizing what he'd done, he removed his hand.

"Damn it, Castle! Can you keep your hands off my ass?" She snapped at him.

"What?"

"Keep your hands off of my ass. Can I make that any clearer than that for you?"

"I apologize for grabbing your ass just now. Obviously, I should have just fallen to the floor. Injuring myself, or landing on our victim here, would be far preferable than touching you. And I apologize for touching your ass when I lifted you up here. If I'd been thinking, I'd have brought a step ladder. I apologize for kissing you when we had to save Ryan and Esposito. I'm sorry for holding your hand when I let 3XK escape. I'm sorry for wasting your time with my inane theories. I'm sorry for intruding on your life. I'm sorry I ever met you. I'm sorry for every damned thing I've one in my whole life. Is that enough now? Can we call CSU and get the body out of here so I can go home? This hasn't been easy, you know."

Kate was shocked and stunned at his outburst. "Castle…I'm sorry. I over reacted. I'm really very sorry. And you don't waste my time. We're here and we found that Matt Benton wasn't the killer because you remembered about the laird's lug. That's important. You know how many of your ideas have led to us closing a case. You're my partner and my friend, okay."

"Beckett, I'm tired and I need some sleep. Can we get through here and be partners tomorrow?"

Kate noticed he had said they'd only be partners tomorrow, but pulled out her phone to call CSU.

Castle grasped the bar in the entrance to the hidden room and lowered himself to the floor of the living room.

Kate looked down at him. "Castle, could you grab me when I drop down? I don't want to break and ankle of something."

"You're kidding me." He said sarcastically.

"Please, Castle?"

Kate lowered herself down and Castle grabbed her by the waist and lowered her the rest of the way to the floor. Then he turned and walked out of the McLaren mansion.

While Kate got CSU to remove the body, Caste stood by her Crown Vic, looking away from the mansion the whole time. When CSU was done, Kate got in the car and he got in the passenger side.

"Do you want to talk?" She asked.

"No."

She drove him to his loft and he got out. "See you tomorrow?" She called after him.

He grunted something in reply.

Back at her apartment Kate curled up with a glass of wine and went over the events at the McLaren mansion. He told me he loves me. Would he have just said that because he thought I was dying? Did he mean it then, but he doesn't love me now? Have I done something? Is it that I've done nothing?

She thought hard about what had happened since they had gotten together after her shooting. I told him what I needed. No, I just told him that I couldn't be the person I wanted to be or have the kind of relationships I wanted until I had taken care of my mom's murder. I never told him that I wanted a relationship with him. I never told him that I want so much to be with him. I've never told him that I'm seeing Dr. Burke to try to get better. So what does he see when he looks at me? He sees a woman who can hook up with Tom Demming or Josh with no problems, but not with him. So…Am I telling him that I want someone other than him? Does he see Kate Beckett as an endless problem that will never love him? So why bother with me? When I wasn't actively pushing him away from me, I've held him at arm's length. I have tried to let him know that I care, but it's hard for me. It's that damned wall.

As she thought about Castle, her mind went back to the shooting. She felt the pain. She saw Evelyn Montgomery and her children, crying. She saw Roy Montgomery in his coffin. She heard Castle say, "Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate." She saw Raglan die in front of her. She saw McAllister shanked in his prison cell. She saw Ryker shot in the head in his condo. She saw her mother, lying dead in an alley.

I can't do this. I can't not do this. I can't do this. I can't not do this. I can't do this. I can't not do this.

Eventually she fell asleep.

Castle sat in his office silently cursing himself. How could I have done that to Beckett? It's not like I don't know the kind of pain she's been in with her mom. Then her dad becoming an alcoholic. Going from being a nineteen year old college kid to being a New York cop. The death and misery she deals with every day. I'm lucky, hell, she's lucky, that she does as well as she does.

It's just so damned hard being around her all the time. Wanting to hold her, to kiss her, to tell her how I feel. She still manages to get in those little digs at me, now and then, but not as much. She smiles at me more now, where before she'd just look disgusted.

I really screwed up.

Castle reached over her shoulder and put her coffee in front of her. "I'm sorry. I had no business going off on you last night. It was all my fault."

She sighed in relief. "No, I over reacted. It wasn't all your fault."

"I'm ready to be your partner and your friend today. And whatever else you need."

She smiled and took a sip of her coffee. "I'm glad to have my partner and my friend with me. But mostly the "whatever else I need". And I do need that.