279. Chapter 279

After For Better or Worse

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: It is for the worse that I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

"Beckett! Go home. You're falling asleep." Espo barked in her ear.

Kate sat up straight and took a long drink of her now cold coffee. "I have work to do, Espo."

"Which you can't do properly if you're half asleep."

Kate turned to Espo and saw Ryan standing with him. "I'll go home when I'm done here and not before." She said coldly. "Do you two understand?"

"We understand." Ryan said. "But we don't agree with you. Beckett, you're dead on your feet. You can hardly stay awake. You don't have to do this all by yourself. You don't just have us, you know. Hell the whole damned precinct is working overtime to find Castle. And not just this precinct. All kinds of NYPD people are working on this, and other law enforcement agencies, too. He's one of us, and we take care of our own. Go home and get some sleep."

Kate managed to suppress a yawn. "I know. I am tired and I appreciate what you and everyone else is doing. But, I just need to finish this inquiry to the Department of the Treasury about Castle's financials. I'll just be a few minutes. I promise."

Kate stared at them and silently dared her two friends to contradict her. The two detectives blinked first. "Bro, have you checked with the guy at TSA lately?"

"On it." Ryan went back to his desk.

Kate went back to work, but she was having trouble focusing her eyes.

"Kate! Wake up!"

Kate woke up. She turned around to see Alexis standing by her desk. "Alexis, I was just resting my eyes. I wasn't asleep. And I'm working trying to find you dad."

"Kate, you were asleep. I've been standing here for ten minutes. I've called your name in a normal voice fourteen times. I kept track. Ask Detectives Esposito and Ryan. They've been watching me. And watching you."

Kate glared at Ryan and Esposito. "Did you call Alexis?"

"Yes, they did." The young redhead said. "And they should have. You cannot keep working like this. You're exhausted."

"I am not." Kate said, shooting to her feet. However, her body betrayed her. She lost her balance and fell against Alexis, who grabbed onto her.

"You are going home now!" Alexis said. "If I have to, I'll go to Captain Gates and have her kick you out of the precinct. If that doesn't work, I'll call the mayor. Understand?"

Kate nodded sleepily. "You're right. I need some sleep." She turned back to Espo and Ryan. "I'll get some sleep and be back in the morning." She allowed herself to be led away by Alexis, first to the elevator and then to a waiting cab. Kate was asleep before the cabbie started his meter.

She vaguely remembered arriving at the loft and being helped into bed by Alexis.

She awoke the next day with sunlight streaming in through the window. She glanced at the alarm clock. "Oh my god! It's almost noon!" She stumbled out of bed and looked for her clothes. She began rummaging through her closet to find clean clothes.

"You're awake!" Martha said, walking into the bedroom. "Don't get dressed. You need to shower. From your smell, you have been neglecting that. Then I'll fix you a meal. Would you like breakfast or lunch?"

Kate shook her head and began putting on her underwear. "I can't. I need to get back to the precinct. I didn't intend to sleep this long."

Martha put her hands over Kate's to stop her from dressing. "Katherine, I may not be your mother, I know I could never take her place, but you are now, and forever will be, family to me. It's my son you are looking so hard for, and I will not have you make an error because you are too tired, to hungry and too…Well, smelly, to do your job properly. Now, into the bathroom and into the shower. And don't come out until you're sparkling clean." Martha smiled at Kate. "And I think a good, substantial breakfast is in order."

Kate thought of arguing with Martha, but, inhaling, decided she was probably right. "Shower it is, Martha."

By the time Kate came out of the bathroom, Martha had managed to put together a very good breakfast. As Kate ate, she knew she had to talk to Martha. "Martha, I think I'll move back to my old place for a while."

Martha looked at Kate with a hurt expression. "Katherine, dear, you are more than welcome here. You are family, you know that. What can...?"

Kate stopped Martha. "I feel like family as well. I know I'm family. But one of the reasons I've had to work so hard is to keep from thinking about Rick and everything wrong that I've done."

"Katherine, what you've done is make Richard happier than I've ever seen him."

Kate shook her head. "I see the Nikki Heat books on the shelves and all I can think of is all the times I bitched about the name, telling Rick that Nikki Heat was a stripper's name, not a cop's. I think about complaining about the covers, with Nikki appearing to be nude. But I never told him how much I loved the books, how much I admired Nikki, how proud I was to be his muse."

"Katherine, please. Richard knows very well…"

Kate cut her off. "And my marriage to Rogan O'Leary. I've been in love with Castle for years, but I was afraid of getting hurt. So, I sat behind my walls and I ignored my heart. If I had listened to my heart and not my fears, we would have been together years before we were. We'd have been married by now and he wouldn't have been driving on that road because he had to go get my stupid prior marriage taken care of."

"Kate! You absolutely cannot blame yourself for whatever has happened to Richard. If someone was after him, and that's what happened, I know, he'd have been grabbed no matter what you did or didn't do."

"No. But I can blame myself for all of the years that I pushed him away. I can blame myself for every nasty, stupid, cruel, insulting thing I ever said to him." Tears were beginning to form in Kate's eyes. "Martha, I agree I am family, and you're as close to a mom as I have, but I just can't stay here. Not now. Just let me pack a few things and I'll be back before you know it. I'll be back with Castle, just like we were."

Martha ran her hand along Kate's cheek. "If you insist, kiddo. Just remember where your home is."

Two weeks later, Kate was asleep at her kitchen table, her head on a pile of files, when a soft voice woke her up. "Katherine?"

She looked up to see Martha and Alexis standing over her. "You look terrible, dear. Now don't blame them, but Ryan and Esposito called us and said that you haven't been eating properly or sleeping enough."

Kate stood up and put her arms around the two women. "I was wrong. I remember everything about what I did to Rick here just as much as at the loft." She rapped her knuckles on the table. "This is the table where I was making dinner when he found out about my job in DC. I was sure I had lost him, and although I didn't, I did hurt him. Over there in the bookcase is the book I stood in line for hours to get him to autograph. I never told him how much that meant to me. Everywhere I look…"

"Katherine, you need to come home. To be with family. Come with us."

Kate nodded wearily. "Take me home."

Alexis put her arm around Kate to steady her. "I'm sure we'll hear something about dad, soon. I just know it. It'll be good news, too."