323. Chapter 323

After A Deadly Game

Episode 2.24

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: It's deadly boring denying I own Castle all these times. Rating: K Time: See above.

Once out of city traffic and onto the Long Island Expressway, Castle was able to relax a bit and think about the end of his time with the 12th Precinct and with Kate Beckett. I actually got out of there with my dignity pretty much intact. Beckett handled it well. Okay, I didn't expect her to be turning handsprings, serving champagne, or setting off fireworks at finally seeing the last of Richard Castle. But I admit she handled it pretty well. She almost managed to make me think that she was sorry to see me go. Almost. That's my ego talking, I know. No one was ever happier to see someone get out of their life than Kate Beckett was to see the back of me. I'll bet she'll sure be celebrating with Demming tonight, though. He had a sudden image in his mind of Demming and Beckett in bed celebrating. He shook his head to get that image out of his mind. Too soon to be thinking like that. It hurts too much.

I don't know why I ever expected anything else from Beckett. After more than a year together, she tolerated me, at best. It took her maybe a couple of days to get together with Demming. I'm still surprised it hurts so badly. I never had a chance with her, not from day one. I never should have tried to convince myself that she'd like me eventually. Stupid, thy name is Castle. And inviting her to come to the Hamptons with me when I know that she's dating Demming? How stupid was that? Of course she lied to me about having no vacation days left. She didn't want to make me look like any bigger an idiot than I already was. I should learn to keep my big mouth closed and try to look at situations as they are, and not as I would like them to be. Still, the heart wants what the heart wants.

My heart wants Beckett and I now have Gina, again. How is that going to work out? No use in pretending that I'm on the verge of a truly great love story. I like Gina, sort of. And she'll be fun for a while. I need some fun right now. God knows that Kate Beckett is not fun. No, that's not right. She's fun with Demming. Probably was even fun with that FBI suit. What was his name again? Who cares? And I just don't want to be alone and lonely for the summer.

So, I'll have a good time tonight. Beckett can celebrate getting me out of her hair and I can hold a nice wake for the end of what was a very one sided love affair. A wake! There's a good idea. Some good Scotch, good food and some good sex to cap off the night. Maybe some music and dancing? Sure. Do it up right.

Tomorrow I can get to work on Nikki and Rook. I said that I wasn't happy with where my characters were going. Now I know where they need to go. Both Nikki and Rook know that their hearts want, and I'll make sure that they get it. Someone should get some pleasure out of the last year or so, even if they're just fictional characters. Castle laughed to himself. Fictional characters, my ass. I know who they are.

"Something funny, Rick?" Gina asked.

Castle nodded. "I'm just glad the summer is starting. I know things will get better." No wonder I'm such a good fiction writer. Look at what a great liar I am.

Gina smiled at Rick.

As Castle and his ex-wife left, Kate looked at her friends sitting behind the glass partition. They know. The whole precinct knows I broke up with Demming by now. This is like a small town, full of gossip. And my friends know me well enough to know that I was going to take Castle up on his offer to take me to the Hamptons with him. Oh, god! They not only know, but they'll be out here in a few seconds to try to make me feel better.

Kate put her beer down and headed as rapidly as she could to her desk. She sat and grabbed the first piece of paper she saw and began reading it.

"Beckett?"

That was Roy Montgomery, which was good. He wouldn't push too hard on what he knew was a personal matter.

"Yes, sir?" Kate was quite proud of how steady her voice was.

"Anything wrong? With Castle leaving and all?"

Kate couldn't look him in the eye, but tried to speak as cheerfully as possible. "It's always a bit sad when someone leaves, but it's nothing. I'm fine. Actually, I'm miserable, but I just couldn't stand having a meltdown right here in front of everyone.

Montgomery waited a minute to see if she'd say any more. "Well, let me know if you need anything."

"Certainly, sir." Do you have an extra Castle on you?

Ryan and Esposito sat at their desks, looking at her. No! Don't say anything. Don't do anything. She saw them turn towards her, concern on their faces. No! Don't do this!

"Beckett?" Ryan asked. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm okay." She snapped at them. "Why wouldn't I be okay?"

"It's just that…" Espo stopped when he saw Ryan motioning to him to cut it.

"Don't you two have work to do?" She said sternly.

How totally did I misread the situation? Kate thought. Rick Castle, best selling author being interested in me? How could I have thought that? Why would he settle for some cop, even for a one night stand, when he has so many more choices? He was just being nice to me, asking me to the Hamptons. I was a help with the book, so he was just being polite. He said there'd be no funny business. I'm sure he meant it. It's not like I ever made any effort to act like I was interested in him. Looking back, I barely managed to be civil to him. He was probably overjoyed not to have Kate Beckett around, screwing up his weekend with her insults and criticism. There are a thousand things I wish I'd said to Castle and a thousand things I wish I'd never said. Too late now.

Ryan and Esposito put their heads together and talked in whispers. "She's not okay, bro."

Ryan nodded. "You know Beckett. She could be laying there with her legs chopped off and she'd insist she was fine."

"So what do we do?"

"We could let Castle know that she's available?" Ryan suggested.

"But Castle's not. He's with his ex. If he stays with her, he definitely isn't coming back in the fall for more than a visit. Even if he's not with Gina, I'm not sure he's interested in coming back. The last year or so was hard on him. She really never gave him much of a chance. She never really showed she was interested. Not until the very last minute, and then it was too late."

"It was hard on her, too."

"The summer will be harder on her."

"So what do we do?"

"Damned if I know." Espo said, shrugging.

Kate had made it almost all through the day. Then she saw her worst fears coming true. Lanie was headed straight for her, a concerned look on her face.

"Are you all right, sweetie?" Lanie asked, sitting in Castle's chair. That alone upset Kate.

"Why does everyone keep asking that? We knew Castle was leaving. From the first day he got here, we knew he'd leave eventually. He's not a cop. He's a writer."

"You liked him. Do not deny that, Kate Beckett." Lanie said softly.

"If I did, I didn't do a very good job of liking him. It doesn't look like he liked me much in return."

"You know that's not true."

Kate shook her head. "No, I don't. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go home. It's been a long day."

Kate gathered her things and head for the elevator, leaving Lanie behind. She sighed as the elevator door closed behind her. I saw he was a good man and not some one-dimensional playboy a long time ago. I saw he was a good, caring investigator. Why couldn't I have been nicer to him? Why can't I let my damned wall down for Castle? I let Tom inside. A little. Would something have happened with me and Castle if I'd just tried? I'll never know.

The elevator door opened and she began her long journey back to her empty apartment.