328. Chapter 328

After Castle, P.I.

Episode 7.11

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Listen, sweetheart, it doesn't take much of a gumshoe to figure out that the problems of one little person who don't own Castle don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy, mixed up world. Rating: K Time: See above.

Kate shot bolt upright in bed. Her nightmare had awakened her, drenched in sweat and with her heart pounding. She groped in the dark for her husband, but found only a cold, empty bed beside her. "Castle!" She yelled. "Castle! Where are you?"

Rick Castle shot out of his office on a dead run, headed for his bedroom. He slid into bed beside Kate and put his arms around her. "What is it? What?"

By this time, Kate had recovered enough to realize she'd just been frightened by a nightmare and was now a bit embarrassed at calling out to Castle. "It's nothing. You can go back to writing. That's where you were, right?"

He nodded. "Tell me about the nightmare."

"It was nothing. I'm fine. I'll just go back to sleep." She smiled and kissed him. "You get back to work."

Castle ran his hands over her face and then put one hand between her breasts. "You're soaked in sweat and your heart is pounding. Tell me what happened."

"Castle! It's nothing, really."

He shook his head. "You spent too many years telling me that here was nothing wrong when we both knew there was definitely something wrong. I'm not going to let you do that anymore. If there's something wrong, I want to know about it. No matter how trivial and unimportant you think it is, I want to know about it."

"I kind of brought this on myself, didn't I?"

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down on top of him. "Now talk, or do I have to break out the things I learned from you about interrogation? I'm a licensed PI now."

"Oh, anything but that." She said, starting to laugh. "Will you be asking if I have relatives in the old country?"

"I'll do the whole Major Strasser of the Third Reich bit if I have to."

"I dreamed about our wedding. The one we almost had in the Hamptons, with everyone there. I was standing at the end of the aisle in my wedding dress with my dad. You were with Alexis and Ryan and Esposito. You looked back at me and gave me such a wonderful smile. I was just so happy to be marrying you at last."

"Kate, honey, I am so sorry…"

She shook her head determinedly. "That's not what this is about. Hear me out. All the way. Okay?"

He nodded. "All the way."

"I was there and all of a sudden Tom Demming was at my side, telling me we had to leave at once to get to the place on the Jersey Shore. I tried to tell him that I was marrying you, but all that came out were some of the horrible things I had said to you. That I hated you, that I wanted to kill you, and then I started kissing him right in front of you."

"Then Josh was on the other side of me, and instead of my mom's wedding gown, I was dressed in a black leather wedding gown. It showed way too much cleavage and was slit up the side to my hip." Kate stopped for a moment. "You could see I had no underwear on and you could see…too much." Josh was trying to get me onto his motorcycle and I tried to tell him I was getting married to you, but nothing came out of my mouth."

"Then Will Sorenson started kissing me and telling me to come to Boston with him. I started walking away from you with all three, and I looked back and you were there with Bracken, Tyson, Kelly Neiman, Coonan…All sorts of people we'd arrested in the past. They were all laughing at you and you looked so sad. I just felt awful, but I kept walking away and I couldn't talk. Then I woke up."

They lay there together for long minutes. Finally, Castle spoke. "You don't think that subconsciously, you're not sure about us? About me?"

Kate was horrified at the thought. "No! Never. I told you that you're the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you, Richard Castle. I love you more than anything or anyone. Please believe that." She kissed him passionately and held him tightly.

"Any ideas?" He asked.

"Actually, yes." She stopped to gather her thoughts. "Ever since my mom died, my life was about one thing, being a cop and finding her killer. When I met you, things started to change. You know that I fought being in love with you. I fought hard."

"And I fought harder to make you love me." Castle said, kissing her forehead.

"And I'm thankful each and every day that you did fight for me."

"Fight for us." He corrected her.

She kissed him again. "For us. But for years and years, mom's murder and then Bracken were always on my mind. And then, all of a sudden, after almost fifteen years, we arrested Bracken, he went to prison and then we were married. It was kind of like I'd been driving down this familiar road for years and years, going as fast as I could, and then all of a sudden, I was just driving slowly down this country road, enjoying the scenery and enjoying myself."

"Ooh! Let me write that down. I can use that line." Castle said suddenly.

"Don't you dare!" Kate said, giving him a glare. The glare faded and she smiled. "If you have to, go ahead."

"Um, I don't have to. You go ahead."

"I've had more time to think about us. The years we spent apart. Not as a couple. I thought you'd never love me, and then I thought you'd never love me as much as I loved you, and then I thought you'd stop loving me, and then I thought you wouldn't actually marry me. And I also thought that if I did love you, I'd have to give up getting justice for mom. And I was one hundred percent wrong about everything. We love each other completely…"

"And always." He added.

"And always." She confirmed. "And I never would have gotten Bracken without you. Never."

"Don't be too sure about that. You would have…"

She put a finger over his lips. "Never!"

"Never." He agreed.

"And I've been thinking about everything I did and didn't do in all of those years. I shouldn't have told you that I was used to you hanging onto my pigtails, I should have come right out and said that I really liked you and wanted…more. I should have told you at once that I'd go to the Hamptons with you and not let you go with Gina. I should have told you why I broke up with Demming when you came back. I should have told you after you broke up with Gina. I never should have lied to you about hearing you say you loved me. There are so many things I should have done."

Kate held him tightly. "Castle, we should have been together years ago. We should have been married years ago. And it's all my fault. That's why I had the dream. Guilt."

"Kate, you know as well as I do whose fault this is. It's William H. Bracken's fault and no one else's."

"Then why do I feel guilty?"

"Because you always take the part of the victim. And in this case, we're both victims of Bracken."

"I still feel guilty. I probably always will."

"And I love you and I definitely always will."

"So…We'll agree to disagree?" She asked.

"Of course not. I'm going to convince you that you are not one bit at fault. It may take a while, but I'm known for my determination."

She laughed. "Okay, go back to your laptop now. I'm fine."

"No way. I'm staying right here with my wife. I'll be right here if you have another nightmare." He pulled the bedclothes over the two of them. "I love you." He whispered.

"I love you, too." One thing I know. I've never felt as safe and as loved as I do right now and I'll always feel that way. That's something. Something special.