334. Chapter 334

After Close Encounters of the Murderous Kind

Episode 3. 09

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Luke, I do not own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Special Agent Dana Beckett finished dressing in her drab, issue FBI pants suit and made sure her chestnut hair was firmly tied in a bun. She looked at herself in the mirror. She was ready to go. She just hoped that her partner, Special Agent Fox Castle wouldn't come up with any wild theories about aliens or the undead. Fat chance. She thought. When hasn't Fox taken a perfectly ordinary murder, with a perfectly reasonable explanation, and tried to turn it into evidence of aliens among us or some such?

Beckett left her apartment and drove to the crime scene in her FBI issued C-57D patrol car. As usual, her partner was there before her.

"Good morning, Castle."

Her partner smiled at her and handed her the usual morning beverage she was accustomed to receiving from him.

She smiled and took a sip. "Mmm! Prune juice. A real warrior's beverage." She said appreciatively.

"You have to come and see this, Beckett." Castle said, drawing her by the arm to the murder scene. Beckett sighed. Why did their relationship have to be so platonic? Her partner was handsome, in a delicate, almost feminine way. Why wouldn't he…?

"See, Beckett. Look at that and tell me that this is an ordinary murder."

Beckett examined the corpse. He was hanging upside down, wrapped in something that looked like a spider's wed. From the paleness of the corpse, it appeared to have been drained of blood. "Do you have a COD, Bones?" She asked Dr. McCoy, the medical examiner.

"Dammit, Dana! I'm a medical examiner, not a magician."

"Wasn't that a medical examiner question?" Beckett asked, surprised.

Dr. McCoy's assistant, Altaira, nodded. "Fascinating."

"Um, I guess it is. In spite of what you might think, the cause of death was something burrowing in through the mouth and going into the torso."

"And out through the chest?" Dana said, sensing there might be something unusual here after all.

"No. The…whatever, burrowed through the digestive tract and out through the anus. You can see there where some hemorrhoids were dislodged."

"These are not the 'roids you are looking for." Fox Castle said sharply.

Dana Beckett rolled her eyes. "Castle, do you have a theory?"

He nodded. "Not a theory, exactly. But, look, Beckett. Look at what he's wearing. Doesn't that suggest something to you?"

Dana Beckett carefully examined the victim. She could see nothing out of the ordinary in his clothing. She told Castle that.

"It's right there!" Beckett. "He's wearing a red shirt and he's dead."

"Castle, there's a gang war going on between the Crips and the Bloods. Obviously, this man is a Blood and was killed by the Crips."

"So, you're going with random gang violence?" Castle asked, disappointed.

"It's the only logical explanation, Castle. Why must you always look for some paranormal or otherworldly explanation for these deaths?"

"You know why, Beckett." Castle shot back.

Indeed, Dana Beckett did know. Castle was convinced that his sister, Ellen Ripley, had been abducted by aliens long ago. In fact, Dana knew that Ellen was living quietly outside of a little town in southern Nevada, called Groom Lake. She had even visited Ellen there some time ago. Ellen had assured Beckett that she was just fine. In fact, she had been so determined to let Beckett know that she was just fine, that the only words she spoke were, "I'm just fine." delivered in a monotone that Beckett took to be the charming local dialect. Poor Castle had never accepted that his sister was just fine. It was quite sad.

Beckett got a phone call. "We have another body drop, Castle. Corner of Sulaco and Talyn. Let's roll."

"Wait!" Castle said. "It's starting to rain. I need an umbrella. Let's try the store over there." Dana Beckett nodded and followed him to the store.

"May I help you?" Asked the clerk behind the counter.

"Do you have umbrellas?" Castle asked.

"Of course, sir." The clerk said, pointing to an array of umbrellas.

Castle picked one out and went to pay for it. "Who makes these?" He asked.

"The Umbrella Corporation, sir."

As they were about to leave, Castle saw a man getting out of a pickup truck marked, "Palpatine Construction." Castle noticed that the man was rather pasty faced, but was wearing a most impressive hooded cloak. While Castle had thought that fezzes were cool, he liked the look of the cloak. As the man passed him, be dropped some blueprints. Castle picked them up, noticing that the man appeared to building some sort of globe shaped building. "What is this?" Castle asked.

"Oh, it's just a little vacation home for me and the wife."

Castle nodded. "I can't help but notice there's some sort duct here that leads straight to your power source. Some terrorist could easily toss a bomb in there, or something."

"Hmm." Said the cloaked man. "I hadn't noticed that. I'll have to make sure that flaw is removed. Thanks, stranger."

"Think nothing of it."

Once at the new crime scene, Beckett and Castle talked to the uniform who'd found the body, Officer Alex Murphy.

"Looks like self defense. "Mr. Han Dae Woo over there was opening his Korean grocery when this droog, Alex De Large, tried some of the old ultra violence on the grocer. The grocer went for his gun and dropped the perp with one round."

"So Han shot first!" Castle exulted. "I knew it! I knew it."

Dana Beckett sadly rolled her eyes. She walked over to talk to Mr. Han. "Sir, may I speak with you?" She said, holding up her badge.

"Klaatu barada nikto." Mr. Han replied. "Oh! I am sorry. I sometimes revert to my native language when I'm stressed."

"So this person, Mr. De Large, attacked you?"

"Yes. He attacked me so that his accomplices could grab my prized plant, Audrey."

"And did they succeed?"

They were interrupted by what sounded like a very powerful burp.

"No." Mr. Han said quickly. "They ran away. Towards Arrakis Street, I think. They have quite a head start. I doubt you'll ever find them."

Mr. Han went back to sculpting a mesa out of mashed potatoes.

Special Agent Beckett decided that they should leave this case to the uniforms before Castle came up with some bizarre theory.

Too late. "I've noticed something, Beckett." Castle said seriously.

"What?" Beckett steeled herself for another bizarre theory.

"There's a trail of cattle dung that ends in the middle of the street, like a ship or something just picked the herd up. And, security cams show two men with odd blue gloves leaving the grocery store."

"Crips." Beckett said slowly, wishing for some serenity on this difficult day. "They were Crips, Castle. They wear blue."

"Caucasian Crips?" Castle riposted.

"This is the 21st Century, Castle. And we're a multicultural society. I'm putting this down to…"

"Random gang violence." Castle finished for her.

"Castle, we need to go to my apartment."

"Why?" Castle asked, suddenly curious.

"Just get in the car."

Once at her apartment, Beckett took off her jacket and undid her hair from its bun. She shook it out so that it fell in cascading chestnut curls around her face. Castle was stunned by her classical beauty. He was more stunned when she took off her blouse and then her bra. Arching her back, she whispered, "Like what you see?"

Castle stared at the perfect, firm breasts before him, each tipped with a lovely pink nipple, now standing erect and begging to be kissed and stroked. He licked his lips and then lowered his face to

STATIC!

Dear Pig Fascist Capitalist Scum,

Greetings from the Peace Loving People's Hacking Commune. We have hacked into this story to punish you for reading a story in which a Korean is held up to ridicule, although we have no connection with the Democratic People's Republic of Korea. We will not allow this story of pornographic lust between two members of the American Secret Police to continue. Instead, we will show you a video of Our Great Leader…Um, that is Our Great Pal, who we do not work for, Kim Jong Un making love to the one person he loves more than anyone else: Himself.

Wait that's not right….How did…?

FADE TO BLACK

Watch the skies.

Author's note: Did you catch all of the sci fi references?