347. Chapter 347

AU After The Dead Pool

Episode 3.21

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I am a world champion at not owning Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

"Thanks."

"Always." Kate replied. She sat back down at her desk and after a moment, Castle sat down in his chair.

Kate managed to control her emotions. She was very good at that. This is the first time he's come right out and admitted he has feelings for me. He was jealous and he didn't like seeing me with Alex Conrad. You don't get jealous of someone for no reason and his reason is that he likes me. He likes me a lot. Maybe it's even…love? Kate frowned briefly to herself. I don't want to go overboard on this. Castle has been with me for a couple of years or more now. I keep asking myself why he stays around. I wonder why, after he broke up with Gina that I never saw him on Page Six at some night club with some model or starlet. I just see Castle here. I'm falling for Castle. I know that and it scares the hell out of me. But I can't stop. If he left now…I couldn't take it. So, he's jealous. He wants me, but how much does he want me? I just have to find out if he feels about me the way I feel about him.

Castle wasn't quite as good at hiding his emotions as Kate was, but she wasn't really paying any attention to him, so she didn't catch his tells. That was so stupid. Telling Beckett that I was jealous of her being with Alex Conrad. If she figures out how I really feel about her, I'll be out of here before I can say Doctor Motorcycle Boy. She's still with him and she has been for a while. A hell of a lot longer than she was with Demming. She never talks about her personal life. Obviously she thinks it's none of my business. I wonder how they're getting along? Are they engaged? Married? No, not married. She'd at least tell Lanie about that and pretty soon everyone would know. Damn it! How could I have told her I was jealous? That I was upset with her being with Alex? And how do I get out of this? Professional jealousy! That's it. I wasn't jealous because I hated seeing Alex with the woman I love. I was jealous of seeing him with my muse. That doesn't even make sense to me. Maybe I should just try to sneak out and hope she forgets all about it. Yeah. That'll…probably never work. But I have to try something.

Castle stood up and stretched. "Time to be on my way, Beckett. Tomorrow?"

"Hold up. We need to talk. I'll buy you a drink."

We need to talk? Castle thought. Oh no! What'll this be? The "I don't want things to be awkward" speech? Maybe the "We'll just be friends" speech. Or will it just be a nice friendly "Get the hell out of my life" speech?

As they headed for the elevator, Kate thought furiously. Why did I say that? I wanted to work into this slowly. To give myself an out of he really doesn't want more than we have now. Now I have to go through with it. I've been thinking that I'd lose him sooner or later. Maybe now is the time? I'll just have to go with it.

Beckett drove them to a small bar near her place, not frequented by cops. She led Castle to a small booth in the back and ordered their drinks. When they arrived, Kate lifted her glass and silently toasted Castle. We who are about to die salute you. She thought.

The good bye kiss off. Castle thought. "So, what did you want to talk about?" He asked with more confidence than he felt.

"I wanted to talk about Bachelor Number Nine and Bachelorette Number Three."

"What?" That was probably the last thing he'd expected her to say. "Why? What does that have to do with…anything?"

"When you were named Bachelor Number Three, you were highly insulted at being linked romantically to me. Now you're jealous of me being with another writer? Where did that come from?"

"We writers are…very territorial. We don't want our muses poached."

Kate had to smile at that. Then she stretched, pushing her boobs out and stretching the fabric of her blouse. "So, you didn't think I was sleeping with Alex?"

Castle turned red. "No! You'd never do that! To Josh! You wouldn't do it to Josh."

"So, why are you jealous, Castle? Do you really expect me to believe that you're jealous of me being with another man because he's a writer? I knew you were jealous of Tom Demming. But back then, I thought you were afraid I'd replace you with him on my team. And you're jealous of Josh, otherwise you'd call him Josh and not Doctor Motorcycle Boy. And now you're jealous of Alex Conrad. Fess up, Castle. What is it? Tell me. How do you really feel about me? Do you like me? Like me a lot? Do you like me a whole lot?"

He shook his head. "No. I don't like you." He managed to get out. Oh shit! This is worse than I imagined.

Kate was shocked and it showed on her face. "You don't like me?" Oh crap! We're over. I've ruined everything. "You don't like me even a little bit?"

Castle took a deep breath. "Beckett. I don't like you." He waited a second, getting his nerve up. "Kate, I love you."

It took a second for that to sink in. "You what?"

"Look, I'm sorry. I know you're furious, I know Doctor Motorcycle Boy will be even angrier. So this was our last case. You'll never see me again after tonight. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to leave."

He started to get up, but Kate pulled him back down. "You do not get to tell me that you love me and then walk out of my life. Now sit down. I've told you over and over, I do not, repeat, do not want you off of my team. Or out of my life."

But Castle was in full on panic mode. "I swear I'll never tell anyone what I just told you. I'll never see Espo or Ryan or Lanie or Montgomery or…"

Kate put her hand behind his head and pulled him into a kiss. As soon as their lips met, she pushed her tongue across his lips and pushed against his teeth. He opened his mouth and her tongue searched his mouth greedily.

Finally, they broke the kiss. "Now that was amazing." She said with a smile. "And I meant the kiss."

Castle was in shock. "Yeah. What? How? Um…"

Kate leaned her head on his shoulder and took his hand. "Josh and I aren't going anywhere. We both have one foot out the door and sometimes it's both feet out the door. There's no point in pretending that there's rally anything going on between us." She ran her hand up his chest. "I've been fighting my feeling for you for about forever. When I lost my mom, I just couldn't let anyone else get close to me for fear of the pain that I'd feel if I lost them. I want you and I'm afraid of wanting you. Help me, Castle. I just don't know what to do."

"Beckett….Kate. I can't pull my love out and show it to you. All I can do is swear to you that I've never felt this way about anyone else. Not Kyra, or Meredith, or Gina or even my mother or Alexis. I never want to leave you. I keep saying always. That's what I want. I want always with you."

Kate snuggled up against him. "I remember what the Rocket said about Bridget. How you can't take everyone with you."

"It's no fun taking no one with you. You're who I want. All I can do is ask you to believe in the magic."

She kissed him softly once more. "It isn't going to be easy. I'm not easy, but you already know that."

"You're worth it. You are oh so worth it."

She smiled. "I hope you think that way in six months." Kate turned and looked Castle in the eyes. "What do we do now?"

"I think we should go out on a date. Dinner and a movie?"

"This weekend?"

"Okay. And I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow." She said, smiling.

"And always."