375. Chapter 375

After Undead Again

Episode 4.22

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: It's a dead certainty that I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

"Kate, I was hoping that you'd be a little more forthcoming with Mr. Castle."

Kate hated to disappoint Dr. Burke because she knew that ultimately she was disappointing herself. She nodded. "I know I could have done more, but things went so well on this case. I…I just wasn't ready to say anything more for fear that something would go wrong."

"Why do you feel that things went well on this particular case?"

"At first Castle seemed to be still pulling away. He was talking to one of our ME's at the crime scene. They've never gotten along at all, but Castle said something about missing their times together. Like he was going away and that he'd miss Dr. Perlmutter, but not me." Kate thought further. "And when we thought we were going to arrest the murder suspect, Castle said he was disappointed that the case was so easy to solve. That he'd wanted this one to be special. As if there wouldn't be any more cases with me."

"Do you think he was planning to leave you?"

"Yes. Talking about our suspect Kyle Jennings, who said he had no memory of the night, Castle told me that when a life altering event occurs, you remember it. It made me think that he knows I've been lying to him about hearing him tell me he loved me."

"That would certainly explain his pulling away from you. If he believes that you know what he said that day, and you've said nothing about it, he'd almost certainly conclude that you don't feel the same way. And if you don't love him, why should he put up with the heart break of always being around you?"

"I tried, Dr. Burke. I told him that perhaps the person wasn't able to deal with that. Perhaps it was just too overwhelming. Too much to handle."

Dr. Burke sighed. "Sometimes Kate, I wonder how you and Mr. Castle have gotten as far along in a relationship as you have. You two simply do not communicate like anyone else does. You talk past each other, by pretending you're talking about someone else."

Kate nodded. She couldn't argue with that. "But at the end of the case, I did tell him I was in therapy and that I was getting better, which I am, and that my walls are coming down. He said he wants to be there when they do come down and I told him I wanted him there." Kate said in a rush. "We're really getting close. I know it."

Dr. Burke shook his head. "By your standards, perhaps. But Kate, you need to treat Castle like your partner."

"He is my partner! We investigate murders, we interrogate suspects, we build theory, we find the story. He is my partner. And I've never had a better partner."

"That works for you and Mr. Castle as partners in law enforcement. But, you want more of a partnership than that, don't you? You want a romantic partnership, do you not?"

"Yes, of course."

"From what you've told me about the two of you, you very much take the lead in your police partnership and in your rather limited personal partnership. You drive, you take the lead entering a building, and so on."

"I'm a cop. I'm responsible for my vehicle. I'm the one with a gun and the training to use it."

"All well and good for the police. And in your personal partnership, your friendship, you've made Mr. Castle do things your way. He has to wait for you. Now, I know you've had problems since your mother died and even more since your shooting, but if you're going to move forward with Mr. Castle, you need to treat him as an equal."

Kate shook her head. "How? He's ready and I'm not. I almost am, but I just am not ready yet."

"You don't have to do anything drastic. You can just start small. Find something that you can do for or with Mr. Castle that shows that you see him as an equal in your relationship. Can you do that?"

Kate thought for a second, then smiled. "I just might be able to do that."

Kate went back to the office. Since there was nothing to do but paperwork, Castle had made himself scarce. When she was seated at her desk, Ryan wheeled his chair over.

"Are things better with you and Castle?" He asked.

"Things are fine." She said automatically.

"Oh." Ryan replied, with a disappointed look on his face.

Kate realized she'd made a mistake. She'd said that sort of thing too often. "Things weren't good there for a while, I'll admit that. But Castle and I had a talk. I think that things will be better between us. A lot better, I hope."

Ryan nodded. "It's just…"he stopped, knowing how closely Beckett guarded her personal life.

"It's just what?" Beckett demanded.

"When I told him that it was good to see the two of you back together again, he gave me this squirrelly look, like I'd said something stupid."

"When was this?"

"Early in the case. When we basically had nothing."

Kate let out the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. "We had our talk when the case was over. I'm sure things are better between us and they'll get better." I hope.

Ryan smiled. "Glad to hear it. You two really should be together." Ryan, realizing that he was getting into areas of her private life that Beckett would not want discussed, quickly wheeled his chair back to his desk and busied himself.

We should be together. Kate thought. And we will be.

The next day, Kate arrived at the coffee shop that Castle bought her coffee at least an hour before he usually showed up.

I'm as nervous as a teenaged girl on her first date. I shouldn't be. It's not like I'm going to ask Castle to take me to the prom, or move in with me, or get married. What she had just thought caused a shiver to run down her spine. Keep calm. Keep calm. One small step at a time. I can do this. It's easy.

Finally, she saw Castle coming through the door and stepped out into the aisle to stop him. "Hi." She gave him her best smile.

"Beckett? What…What are you doing here?"

"Buying coffee."

She could see the pain and confusion go ever so briefly over his face. It was brief, but definitely there. Shit! She thought.

"You're buying coffee for yourself now?" He asked, in a low voice.

"Of course not." Kate said quickly. "I'm buying our coffee."

What is this? Castle thought. Is she trying to tell me that she's moving on? It was just the other day she said the walls were coming down and she wanted me there. Did I misunderstand what she meant? "Why?" He asked her.

"Castle, you've been buying me coffee for years now. And that's not the way that a partnership, a friendship, should work. You can't always be doing things for me and get nothing in return. It's just not fair to you. So, I'll buy you your coffee today. And I think we should alternate buying the coffee."

"But I like doing things for you." He said, still not sure what she was trying to do.

"And I like having you do things for me. So, naturally, I want to do things for you. That's the way that people who…care for each other act. Right?"

Castle nodded. "Right."

Kate turned towards the barista. "So let me get our coffee. And it's a nice morning. Would you like to walk me to the precinct?"

"I'd love to." Maybe this is getting better.