431. Chapter 431

After A Chill Goes Through Her Veins

Episode 1.05

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: It'll be a chilly day in hell when I claim to own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Detective Kate Beckett was disturbed when she got home. Not exactly angry, but disturbed. She had gone through the evidence thoroughly. Ben Davidson was not going to be charged with Sam Kavanaugh's murder. The evidence just wasn't there. That pleased Castle, of course. But Castle wasn't a cop and didn't think like one.

She thought about Castle during this case. Playing laser tag with his daughter? He really enjoys being rich. And he enjoys getting on my nerves. He wanted to act like we were married, there in the Kavanaugh's old apartment. I'm surprised he didn't try to get me in bed then and there. Nikki Heat: Hooker by day and cop by night. That's what he thinks of me. Just another conquest to satisfy his ego. And I will never let that happen.

….

Kate Beckett watched Castle leave the precinct, not entirely convinced that he wasn't going to see Ellie Monroe again. That's just what his massive ego needs, a beautiful actress throwing herself at him. It was so obvious that she wanted something from Castle that even he must have seen it. Unless his sex and ego fogged brain is simply incapable of understanding that not all women want to jump in bed with him. Sure, Castle would be fun for a while, but I'm not looking for fun. I'm looking for always. I doubt if Castle and his two failed marriages even understands what that means. I'll just have to put Richard Castle out of my mind.

…..

"Kate, was it something I said? Something I did? What?"

Kate shook her head. "Tom, you're a great guy and I really like you."

"Kate, we've been together for over a year now. We're good together. What happened?"

"Nothing happened. It's just this isn't what I'm looking for right now."

"What are you looking for, then?"

Kate shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I'll never know." I do know who I don't want in my life. Castle can sleep with or not sleep with his ex-wives or anyone he wants to. It just isn't going to be me.

"Kate…"

"I'm sorry, Tom. We're over.'

…..

He's still at it. She thought. Ryan and Esposito are being tortured and what does Castle do? He kisses me. Pushes his damned tongue down my throat. And he knows I have a boyfriend. Not that he would care. I wonder if it was Meredith that cheated on him or the other way around. Okay, he did jump Lockwood and probably saved my life, but he saved his own as well. He never did have the brains to see that a gun battle was a dangerous place, so he followed me in unarmed. If I had gotten killed, he'd have been next. Even when Castle does something seemingly noble, there's a reason behind it. I know that. I know him. Forget it. Forget Castle.

….

"Honey, I've got to go overseas again." Josh said.

"Again? You just got back. Really, Josh. We've been together for over a year and a half and we've been actually with each other for maybe six months. And when you're in New York, you're either at the hospital, on call, or getting ready to go someplace."

"It's who I am, Kate. And it's not all my fault. You're a cop and your hours are as bad as mine."

"Josh, this is not working. I don't know about you, but this just isn't working for me."

"So what do you want to do?"

"I've done it. We're done."

….

Kate was soaked by the time she got back to her apartment. She put the box of her belongings that she'd brought back from the precinct down and started to take them out. She decided against it. It was a three month suspension. She'd just have to pack everything back up and move it back to the precinct. May as well leave it where it was.

She poured a glass of wine and sat. She pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contact list. She really didn't want to talk to anyone from work, not now. Her finger settled over one name: Castle. She held her finger over the name for minutes and almost pushed down. No. I am not so desperate that I'll ever go crawling to Richard Castle.

….

Kate Beckett was still awake and staring at the ceiling. She hadn't gone to bed with a millionaire writer, but with billionaire Eric Vaughn. Except for the money, she was sure there was no real difference between Vaughn and Castle. They were both looking for nothing more than a good time. Well, Kate had had a good time, too. And it had been a long time for her. She idly wondered what Castle was doing. Probably what Vaughn was doing. In bed with someone he really didn't care that much for. Just as well that this would be over in a few days.

…..

She walked proudly past the hordes of reporters and photographers who were screaming questions at her and her prisoner. She didn't bother answering them. They were meaningless to her. Only Bracken mattered. She had gotten him. It had taken everything she had, but she had won in the end. He would spend the rest of his life in prison and her mother would get justice.

Suddenly she thought of something she hadn't thought of in years. Castle had started this. He had looked into her mom's murder when she had told him never to do so. She remembered telling him after she shot Coonan that she wanted him there when she finally arrested the man who ordered her mom's murder. She scanned the crowd, half expecting to see him standing there. Of course he isn't here. Why would he be?

…..

She smiled at the assembled uniforms and detectives. "Most of you know me, but for those of you who don't, I'm Captain Kate Beckett, the new 12th Precinct commander." That got a smattering of polite applause.

She saw the happy faces of her best friend, Lanie, her two "brothers", Espo and Ryan, Jenny Ryan, pregnant again, holding little Sarah Grace, and her dad, smiling hugely. She glanced at the chair still sitting by her old desk. It was empty. Of course it's empty. He wouldn't be here.

….

She walked through the door that read K. Beckett, Private Investigations and sat behind her desk. Catching a straying husband wasn't as good as putting a killer away, but it gave her something to do in retirement. Idly, she turned on the office TV. It was some late afternoon talk show.

The hostess was speaking. "And our guest this afternoon is famed author Rick Castle. Good afternoon, Rick."

He was older, of course, but still handsome and his hair was silver now.

"How's the second book in the Laurel Hardy series doing?" She asked,

Castle smiled, "Tough, but sensitive, LA private eye Laurel Hardy meets her most dangerous foe in California Nights. I love New York, Carol, and it'll always he my home, but I'm getting used to LA."

Kate was shocked. Laurel Hardy? What happened to Nikki Heat? She hadn't actually read any of the Nikki Heat books after Frozen Heat, but then, why would he write more of them? They were over. Whatever they had had, was over.

She turned the TV off.

….

"Maria, can you come here?"

"Be right with you, Ms. Beckett." The nurse bustled into Kate's room to find her trying to reach the table across from her bed. "Ms. Beckett! You know you're not supposed to try to get out of your bed. You could get hurt."

"I have to comb my hair and put on my makeup, Maria. I have company coming today."

Maria smiled. "And who would that be, Ms. Beckett?"

"Richard Castle, the writer. He's an old friend. I need to look my best."

"Well, let me help you." Maria combed out Kate's gray hair and applied her make up." You look gorgeous, Ms. Beckett. Your boyfriend will really be impressed."

Kate blushed. "He's not my boyfriend…yet."

Maria met another nurse in the hallway. "Is Beckett getting a visitor today? She hasn't had one for as long as she's been here."

Maria shook her head. "No. Every day she thinks Mr. Castle is coming to visit her and she gets all fixed up. But he doesn't come."

"Why not?"

"Oh, honey, Mr. Castle's been dead for years."

Kate was outraged at what she heard. "Richard Castle is not dead!" She screamed.

She sat up in bed and felt her husband's arms go around her. "Kate. It was a dream. I'm not dead."

Kate twisted around and buried her face in his chest. "Oh, god! That was a horrible dream. I dreamed I kept pushing you away, and hiding in relationships with men I didn't love, and you finally just left me. You even stopped writing about Nikki. And I was alone and so lonely, and I was in a nursing home and I thought you were coming to visit me and you never did and they said you were dead and…it was awful."

"I'm right here with you and that's where I'll always be. Always." He stroked Kate's hair and cheek, calming her down.

"I know. But there's a small part of me that thinks that all I have to do is one stupid thing, tell you one lie, push you away just a little and it'll be all over. You'll be gone and it'll be my fault. I did so many things wrong. I did almost wreck us before we got together."

"The universe would never allow that. We'll be together for a long time. We'll grow old together with our children and grandchildren around us."

"Really. You have a personal relationship with the universe so you can know this?"

"Absolutely."

"So should we try for one of those children, Mr. Castle?"

"My pleasure, Mrs. Castle."