476. Chapter 476

After Close Encounters of a Murderous Kind

Episode 3.09

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: The truth is out there. And, truthfully, I don't own Castle. Rating: K+ Time: See above.

Author's note: This is a sort of a follow up to Chapter 366. Sort of.

"These are the voyages of the starship Caskett, whose continuing mission is to boldly go where no one has gone before and….Um, what are we going for again, Number One?"

Number One's sexy voice whispered in Captain Castle's ear. 'We're boldly going where no one has gone before to do one hot and kinky thing I like to do. Put killers behind bars."

"Right!" Captain Castle said. "Um, what she said. Make it so."

"Make what so?" Number One asked.

"Just make something so, okay. I'm the captain here, you know."

"Captain, we're getting a long range communication from Stellar Fleet." Ensign Alexis announced.

"On screen." The captain said portentously.

The screen was filled with the fearsome visage of Supreme Admiral of the Fleet, Sir Victoria Sir. "Captain Castle." She nodded at her least favorite Stellar Fleet officer. "I have a mission for you. It's a real choice mission. And when it's over, you'll never want another."

"Sir?" Castle said.

Sir Victoria Sir's face mottled with rage. "What did they teach you at the academy? What two words should be at the beginning and end of every sentence you say to a superior officer?"

"Sir, sir, sir, sir!" Captain Castle barked. Then being unsure of himself, he added, "Sir, sir."

Admiral Sir shook her head. "I sent Captain Willard on this mission, but he hasn't reported back. You need to go to the research base on the planet Kurtz. There you will find a…."Even the legendary toughness of Sir Victoria Sir wasn't enough to keep a quaver from her voice…"Demming."

"A Demming, Sir Sir?" Castle said, shocked.

"And you will terminate the Demming."

"Terminate the Demming?" Castle's voice was barely above a whisper.

"With extreme prejudice." The message from Stellar Fleet Command suddenly ended.

Captain Castle nodded. "Assemble the senior officers in my ready room."

"Including the doctor, sir?" Number One asked.

"Who?"

"The doctor."

"The one on first base?"

"He got well beyond first base." Number One said.

Everyone on the bridge tried to ignore the captain sobbing as he recalled those times when Number One had been with the doctor.

"Of course." The Captain said, through gritted teeth.

The full command staff was assembled. Ryan, the chief engineer was busy filling out requisition forms for more dilithium crystals. Why, no one knew. The man had some sort of odd desire to hoard dilithium crystals.

Next was Commander Espo, a half human, half cyborg, half alien penguinoid. He was in charge of weapons.

Then there was Doctor M. C. Boy, former lover of Number One and counselor for the crew. "I'm sensing some tension in the Captain." He announced.

"I can handle that." Said Number One, the ship's executive officer. She promptly climbed on the Captain's lap and began kissing him.

Doctor Boy noticed an immediate spike in both of their blood pressures. "Fascinating."

Captain Castle explained the mission. "There's a Demming at the research station on the planet Kurtz. As you all know, but I'm going to repeat anyway since we need exposition, a Demming is the densest thing in the Universe. It's so dense, that it literally sucks the intelligence out of anything within one astronomical unit."

"Sucks?" Number One said, licking her lips.

The assembled staff waited for ten minutes while the Captain's wild imagination, well, imagined.

"Yes." The captain continued. "We've been ordered to terminate the Demming. With extreme prejudice. To that end, I've assembled a crack away team. We have a tough, no nonsense career NCO. A surfer dude from the planet Mavericks, a skinny street kid from the planet Bronx and a dessertier from Big Easy. They'll be going in a shuttle named Street Gang."

"Excuse me, Captain." Doctor Boy spoke up. "But I know those men. They have a collective IQ lower than the chair I'm sitting in. Perhaps lower. This mission has a zero chance of…AYEEEEEEE!" Doctor Boy screamed. The chair, a twenty fourth century AI chair, hadn't liked the comparison between it and the crew of Street Gang. It had bitten the doctor in the butt.

"Thank you for volunteering to lead this mission, Doctor." The Captain said happily.

"I didn't volunteer for anything. Under the terms of the Planet of Geneva Convention, as a medical doctor, I'm not allowed to be armed."

"Didn't you all hear him volunteer?" The captain asked.

The other officers, not wanting to get anywhere near a Demming nodded enthusiastically. Commander Espo even went so far as to shoot his six foot long tongue out and use it to shoot a mild toxin into the doctor that would keep him unconscious for hours.

Captain Castle idly wondered what it would be like if Number One had a six foot long tongue. This time he imagined for a good half an hour.

Coming out of his reverie, the captain announced, "I've decided to award Doctor Boy the Grand Cross of Supreme Valor. Posthumously, of course."

Everyone congratulated the captain on his magnanimous gesture. Except for Number One who was wondering what the captain might do with a six foot long tongue.

After loading Doc Boy onto the shuttle, Captain Castle shook the hand of Master Chief Petty Officer Sorenson and wished him good luck on his mission. Then they all went off to congratulate the new Chief Medical officer, a stunning redhead named Dr. Beverly Meredith. While the good doctor celebrated, Captain Castle and Number One went into a supply closet to celebrate by themselves.

They observed the planet Kurtz from ten astronomical units and observed the planet suddenly collapse in on itself.

"What happened?" The captain asked.

"That's easy, Captain Daddy." Ensign Alexis said. She was the smart one, after all. "The Demming was so dense, he turned the whole planet into a singularity. You know, a black hole."

"Did we think to issue red shirts to everyone on the shuttle?" Captain Castle asked.

"Of course." Replied Number One.

Captain Castle resumed his place at the command console. "Set a course for Star Base Deep Space 12."

The words were hardly out of his mouth when they got an incoming sub-space message from the commander of Deep Space 12, Captain Montgomery.

"What can we do for you, Montgomery?" Castle asked.

"I'm afraid we have a bit of a situation here in Martha Quark's bar."

"What is it?"

"I'm afraid we have an infestation of Ginas here. They're destroying the fun in the bar. Just sucking it right out."

"Sucking?" Number One whispered in the captain's ear.

Captain Castle nodded. "I'm sure we can solve your problem, Captain Montgomery." As he spoke, his hand began squeezing Number One's perfect ass. "I'll have to strategize with Number One on this matter, however."

And so, the good ship USS Caskett went on to another adventure.

"To infinity and beyond!" Cried the captain.

"Always." Replied Number One.