480. Chapter 480

After Knockdown

Episode 3. 13

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Frankly, my dear Scarlett, I don't give a damn that I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Before

"I have no idea what Castle'll do." Espo said.

"What's Castle going to do?" Beckett asked, coming in on the end of the conversation.

"Um, nothing." Ryan said too quickly.

"So Castle's going to do nothing?" Beckett asked. "Let's hear it."

Ryan and Espo exchanged glances. They knew that they had to say something. Finally, Espo spoke. "We were just curious about Castle. He broke up with his ex-wife and we were wondering what he'd do. Go back to the babe of the week, find another steady, move on, or what." Actually, Espo knew exactly what Castle would do. He'd stay here at the 12th Precinct until he had no hope of ever being with Kate Beckett, or until Beckett came to her senses. However, he could hardly tell Beckett that and he wasn't sure how attuned to things Ryan was. He seemed a little dreamy since getting engaged. He hoped Ryan wouldn't say something in front of either Castle or Beckett that would cause trouble.

"We're just curious." Ryan added. Ryan knew perfectly well how Castle felt about Beckett. It was the same as he felt about Jenny. But Espo couldn't even keep his relationship with Lanie a secret, how could he hope to keep from saying something stupid in front of either Castle or Beckett?

"Castle's a big boy. He can make his own decisions. And I'm sure he'll tell us when he's good and ready. Now, back to work." Kate had been happy when she heard Castle break up with Gina over the phone. I shouldn't be happy. I have a boyfriend. Castle should have someone. I shouldn't think about Castle and me. Not that way. He's my partner and my friend. Nothing more. But he's not with anyone…

She pushed the thought out of her mind and got to work.

Still Before

"Why do you keep doing this, Rick?" She asked. He's was on the verge of saying something to me at the diner when he thought I had been shot. Will he say something now? I know what he wants to say. He cares for me. He loves me. Before, it was too easy to dismiss Castle as just an egotistical playboy who was having a thrill hanging around with real cops for a while. But he's been with me for too long and done too much for me to believe that anymore. And I've seen Rick Castle, loving father of Alexis and son of Martha. I've seen a man I could love and who could love me. But would it be enough? Would I be able to have a serious relationship with any man while my mother's murder is unsolved? That's been my whole life. It has to stay my whole life. It wouldn't be fair to Rick. Would he eventually grow tired of waiting for me to put him first and leave? Dammit, Castle say something!

Castle stared at Beckett. She's finally come right out and asked why I'm here. I know the answer. I've known it for a while. I'm here to be with the woman I love. Oh, and I'm here to watch that woman I love be with another man. Breaking up with Gina was the easy part. I knew when we were halfway to the Hamptons that I had made a big mistake. And now I can make another big mistake. If I tell her how I feel, she'll have to do something. And since she's with Josh, I know what she'll do.

And so, Richard Castle did what he did best. He made up a story.

First Kiss

"He's not buying it, Castle."

He put his hands on either side of his face, and looked at her with the most serious look on his face that she had ever seen. Then he kissed her.

My god! I'm kissing Kate Beckett. I've wanted to do this since the first time I met her. To press my lips against hers, to run my hands through her hair. I've wanted to feel that lithe, strong body pressed against mine. I want more than just a kiss. I want more than just her body. I want her heart, her mind and her soul as well. I want everything. Castle noticed something. Kate was only minimally responding to him. Okay, this is Just a fake make out session so we can distract the guard. I understand that. But it's amazing.

A split second before Castle kissed her, she realized what he was going to do. He's going to kiss me? What the hell? No, this will distract the guard. This is a good idea. I'm sure Castle is enjoying this, but it's a good ploy to distract the guard. It's an excellent ploy. It's outstanding…It's …

Second Kiss

They broke the kiss and Kate looked over his shoulder at the guard. He still hadn't moved. He was looking right at them. The two moved together again.

Kate opened her mouth. Damn! Castle isn't the only one who wants this. I've thought about this for months and months and never did anything about it. Oh, I'm rubbing my boobs against his chest. I can feel my nipples getting hard and…Yes. I'm starting to get wet. Castle, Castle, I want this too. And it's not just me. He's getting hard I can feel him. Oh, damn, the guard is smiling and turning away. Couldn't he wait?

Kate broke the kiss and slammed the butt of her pistol into the guard's head. Over the rush of adrenaline she could hear Castle yell, "That was amazing." She agreed. But they had work to do. A small part of her wanted to kill Lockwood and all of his friends for interrupting the kiss.

Castle was surprised at Kate's kiss. This was no pro forma undercover kiss. She was kissing him back, running her tongue all around his mouth, inviting his tongue into her mouth. It's not just her mouth, I can feel her boobs. What I wouldn't give to just lightly stroke them through her clothes. Maybe if the guard stays there? No. She has a boyfriend. It's like they say about undercover, you have to live the part. That's all Beckett is doing. I think.

He felt her move away from him and drop the guard. He couldn't help himself. "That was amazing." She looked back at him and just for a split second, he saw the desire on her face. The same desire he knew showed on his face.

Holding hands.

She began redoing the bandage around his hand. I held his hand after 3XK got away. He needed to be comforted then. He needs comforting now. Being in a gun battle with professional killers requires comforting. She smiled to herself. I need some comforting. As with everything with Castle and me, it's a puzzle. A mystery. I should never have taken Castle in there with me. And I couldn't possibly let him stay where he'd be safe. I should have let him kiss me. It was the perfect way to convince the guard we were no threat to him. I never should have let him kiss me. It got out of hand too fast. The kiss got totally out of hand and didn't go nearly far enough. Castle is my partner, my friend, the man who cares deeply for me, and…loves me? I want Castle as…what? I have no idea. I have to figure this out.

"Thanks." She said. "For having my back in there."

"Always." He replied with a smile. And I mean that. Always is what I want with you.

Always? She thought. He means that. Whatever this is were getting into, whoever this Dragon is, we're facing it together. But where does that leave Josh? Where does that leave Castle? Where does that leave me?