484. Chapter 484

After Countdown

Episode 3.17

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: 3, 2,1, I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Mrs. Katherine Houghton Beckett Castle.

Kate Castle.

Katie Castle?

Detective Katherine Beckett-Castle.

Detective Kate Castle.

Katherine Castle.

Kate was still in the pants suit she had worn to get married in, just thinking about her future. Our future. She thought. We have a future that I only dreamed of a few short years ago. I have a husband. I have a family. Not just my dad, but Martha and Alexis and one day…little Castle babies. She smiled, remembering Madison Queller talking about making little Castle babies.

Rick came into the bedroom, changed from his tux and into a sport coat and jeans. "You haven't changed yet?"

She shook her head. "I just want to hold onto the moment for a little while longer. I've been thinking about this day for a very long time."

Castle's face reddened. "I'm sorry, Kate. All of that planning and then I'm gone for two months…."

"Enough." Kate said softly. 'Something, someone else put off our marriage for a couple of lousy months. I put it off for years. I started to accept you as my partner, and I pushed you away. I saw you were becoming my friend and I pushed you away. I had feelings for you, and I pushed you away. I fell in love with you and I still pushed you away, and then I lied to you for almost a year."

Kate put her arms around Rick and he held her in his arms, holding each other close. "I honestly don't know what kept you coming back to me. Why would any sane man come back to a cold hearted bitch like me?" Kate felt Rick begin to stroke her hair as he did when he wanted to comfort her.

"Sane man? I think you've answered your question, Kate. But there's nothing about you that I'd consider a cold hearted bitch. The first case we worked on, I saw, just briefly, how much pain you were in. And I saw that pain over and over again as I got to know you. As I came to love you."

Kate nodded. "And I saw the pain you were in. And I knew that I caused it. If I'd only been brave enough to say something. Just a few sentences, I could have saved both of us so much pain."

Rick held her tightly, gently kissing the top of her head.

"So much wasted time." She said into his chest. "Do you remember the dirty bomb case?"

Castle shuddered dramatically. "Remember? As in, do I still have nightmares about it? You bet."

"When we were freezing in that storage locker, we talked. You told me once that we kissed and we never talked about it and we almost died in each other's arms and we never talked about it. I should have talked about that. I was trying to tell you that I loved you. What would have happened to us if I'd told you?"

"But you were with Josh." Castle teased.

Kate slapped him on the chest. "Careful, Writer Boy. Josh? Josh who? I was in love with you, not Josh." Kate's voice fell to a whisper. "But I was so afraid. Afraid of loving you."

"I could have let you know how I felt."

Kate laughed. "Sure, after all the encouragement I gave you? You were probably afraid if you went so far as to say that you liked me, or asked me out, that I'd kick you to the curb, or out of Manhattan all together."

Castle sighed. "I'm afraid that was a consideration then."

"I almost told you again on that same case."

"The bomb?" Castle guessed.

"The bomb. I took your hand and held it. I was trying to decide whether to tell you that I loved you of just kiss you until we were blown to bits. But, before my mind could make a decision, you pulled out the wires and we were saved. We hugged, but the fear came back. I tried to think of some way to tell you that I had feelings for you, to encourage you to stay with me, to tell me how you felt, but then Fallon was there and the bomb squad and half of the NYPD and I never got the chance."

Castle smiled down at her. "I almost did tell you, there at the end, after Fallon had left. Well, not tell you there. I wanted to ask you out to dinner. I wanted to get you more or less alone and try to tell you that, well, that Josh had competition."

Kate shook her head. "Josh was never competition for you. He was not in the game at all by then. But I was still afraid." Kate stepped back and looked up at Rick. "That was when I saw the pain in your eyes and I knew how you felt to see me in the arms of another man."

"About like you felt seeing me with Gina, taking her to the Hamptons and not you?"

"And that was my fault entirely. I declined your generous invitation, remember?"

Kate stepped back into Castle's arms. "Just think of how much pain we would have avoided if I'd just talked to you. Josh would have been out of the picture. If we'd been together, we might have figured out a way to save Montgomery."

Castle shook his head. "Like he told both of us, he wasn't going to prison. He killed an FBI agent, Kate. He as a kidnapper. For all the good he did, he was a bent cop. Maybe we'd have saved his life, but he wouldn't have thanked us for it. He did the only thing he could do. He died honorably."

Kate rested her head on his chest and thought. "If we'd gotten together, you would have been with me for those three months. There were times that I wanted you with me do badly that I cried and cried and eventually cried myself to sleep. But I was such a mess. Someone was trying to kill me, Montgomery was involved with Bracken, I was having nightmares and…I was a mess."

"I would have done anything for you."

She smiled. "I know. You've always been ready to do anything for me. And now it's my turn. Instead of pushing you away, I have to pull you closer, to pull you into me and my life. To let you into every part of my soul. I have to talk to you and to tell you absolutely everything. And if I'm not fine, I need to tell you that I'm not and tell you what's wrong. And I need to tell you over and over again that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me and that I love you. I love you, Rick because no other man would have put up with what I put you through." She kissed him and then whispered, "I love you, babe."

"I love you, too. Now, Mrs. Castle, should we go say hi to our few guests and prepare for our honeymoon here in the Hamptons?"

"I'm ready, Mr. Beckett."