641. Chapter 641

After Poof! You're Dead

Episode 3.12

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: For my next trick, I will not own Castle. Rating: K. Time: See above.

Castle was absurdly pleased with the fake bouquet that Beckett had given him, and he was very happy that he was going to have a meal with her, even if it was just from the food truck.

Beckett watched Castle out of the corner of her eye as the elevator door closed. She was glad he was happy. She knew that Castle tried very hard to make her happy.

"Castle, I heard your phone call from Gina. You broke up with her?"

Castle nodded. "Yes."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He shrugged. "There's really nothing to talk about. I was married to Gina, so I should have known what I was getting into."

"What was that?"

Castle looked at Beckett. Why does she want to know that? He wondered. She's told me about her private life, no reason not to share. "We're just two nice people who should never have married. There was really no spark, no magic."

"You were looking for magic?"

"I know, I know. You don't believe in magic. But I do."

Kate smiled at him and reached over and took his hand. "Castle, you'd be amazed at what I do believe in."

He felt an electric shock run thorough him when she touched him. Then the walls of the elevator started to dissolve.

"What…?" He was shocked. Instead of being in New York they were standing in a forest.

"Come on, Castle." Beckett said. "Don't you recognize it?"

"Recognize what?" Castle was shocked and confused.

"Look down."

"A yellow brick road? We're in…Oz?"

"I told you my grandfather was an amateur magician. That just means that he didn't get paid for it, not that he wasn't magic."

"And you're…?"

"I'm his granddaughter, Castle. Come on." She took his hand and began walking on the yellow brick road.

They had only gone a few yards when they heard someone ahead of them. There, sitting by the side of the road was a large, shaggy being.

"Who are you?" Asked Kate.

"I'm Tom, the cowardly lion. Who are you?"

"I'm Kate, the good witch of the Upper East Side. Do you have a problem?"

"I'm a lion, but I'm cowardly. Can you help me, O Good Witch?"

Kate thought. "I'll see what I can do."

"Can you make me brave, like a lion should be?"

"Not really, but I can do the next best thing." She pulled out a magic wand, spoke the magic words, "Alakazam, jackass", and in a puff of smoke Tom, the cowardly lion, disappeared and in his place was a chicken.

Tom the chicken chicken ran off.

"I hope that helps." Kate called to him.

"Stay away from Colonel Sanders." Castle added.

They went a few hundred yards down the road where they found a large metal being sitting by the side of the road.

"Hello." Kate said. "I'm Kate, the good witch. Do you need help?"

"Yes. I'm the Tin Bracken and I have no heart."

"And that's a problem?" Castle asked.

"It is. Do you know how hard it is to get a chick if you can't possibly give her your heart? Can you spare a heart, buddy?"

Castle took a step backwards, putting his hand over his chest.

Kate checked her pockets. "Can't help you there, but I have an idea." She waved her magic wand and a hat appeared on the Tin Bracken's head. "There. I've made you a politician. The lack of a heart is practically a requirement. All I could get you was a job as Oz's dogcatcher, but it's a start. Now go out there and make me proud of you." The Tin Bracken walked off happy. "And don't get fleas." Kate called to him.

They hadn't gone more than a few hundred yard when they say a rather rural looking gentleman sitting by the side of the road.

"Hello, I'm Kate, the good witch. Can I help you?"

He nodded. "I'm Doctor Scarecrow Boy, and I have no….Um, I don't know….It's right on the tip of my tongue…"

"A brain?" Castle suggested.

"That's it." DSB said.

Kate thought about it for a second. "Brains are hard to get. But I may have a solution for you." Kate waved her magic wand, said the magic words, "Alakazam, jackass", and a large shiny motorcycle appeared between Doctor Scarecrow Boy's legs.

"And if you check your back, you'll see you now wear the colors of Oz's Angels MC. As long as you ride with no helmet and go very fast, you won't need a brain."

"Gee, thanks." DSB said. He revved the engine and roared off, slamming into a large tree. He gave them a thumbs up. "I'm good." He pulled his head from the tree, started his motorcycle and roared off.

"Somehow he looked familiar." Castle said to himself.

"You think?" Kate said, smiling.

A few hundred yards further down the yellow brick road, Kate suddenly stopped. "Look, a flying monkey. That can only mean one thing."

"What's that?"

The monkey strode over to Castle. "I'm Sid, the flying monkey agent. You got a lot of explaining to do to my client, you schmuck."

"Your client?" Castle was confused.

"Kitten! Where have you been? I'm up for the lead in Tarantino's remake of the Wizard of Oz. A young girl kills an older woman, meets up with three drifters and they kill again. I need for you to buy the studio for me. It's only seventeen billion dollars. Oh, and I need to take what's her name, the little redheaded girl, to Paris for some shopping. And why are you hanging around with that flat chested skinny little skank?"

"I'm Kate, the good witch, and you're Meredith, the Wicked Witch of the Left Coast." Kate smiled. "See this?" Kate held up a small card. "This is your Screen Actor's Guild card." The card began to dissolve.

"No, no." Screamed Meredith, who began to shrink and dissolved into a puddle.

Sid the flying monkey agent shrugged. "Easy come, easy go." And walked off.

"I'm glad that's over." Castle said, wiping sweat from his brow.

"Not so fast, Rick." Cried a stern voice. "You owe me pages and pages of Nikki Heat. Pages and chapters and entire books."

"Gina?" Castle said, appalled. Gina was holding up a blank sheet of paper that was at least an acre in size. Next to it was a giant laptop.

"Get on the laptop and write. Now!" Gina screamed.

"Not going to happen." Kate said.

"I have a contract." Gina said triumphantly, and huge mass of paper, breathing fire, shooting split infinitives and ending sentences with prepositions, shambled towards Rick. "You….should….be….writing." Mumbled the beast.

Kate waved her magic wand and the huge beast began shrinking until it was just a business card in Kate's hand. She handed the card to Gina. "Kate Beckett, Esquire, Attorney and Witch-at-Law. Nice try, now get out of my clients life." Gina slunk away.

"Oh, look." Castle said. "A hot air balloon is landing."

When the balloon landed a young blonde in uniform jumped out. "Hello, I'm Jacinda, your flight attendant. Are you ready?"

Kate shook her head. "We won't be taking this flight. Ever."

And so Jacinda got back into her balloon and was seen no more.

"What was that all about?" Castle asked.

"Just a little pre-emptive magic."

Kate reached out and took his hand again and he felt the same jolt of electricity. As he watched, the forest of Oz faded away and the elevator returned.

"So, you say you want magic, Castle?" Kate asked with a smile.

"Absolutely."

The door opened and Kate pulled him out of the elevator. "Then let's go find some."