654. Chapter 654

After Rise

Episode 4.01

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I can't remember. Do I own Castle? Okay, I lied. Rating: K Time: See above

"Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate."

Kate's face mirrored the shock and surprise she felt. "You…What? What do you mean?"

"Just what I said. I love you. I have since the first day I saw you. How could I not love you?" He said with a warm smile.

She sat down, totally shocked by his admission. "But, you're married. What about Evelyn?"

"What about her? She's my yesterday. You're my today and tomorrow. You always liked tomorrow, didn't you?"

"What about Castle?" This cannot be happening. She thought.

"He sacrificed himself for you Kate. I told the Dragon that he was the one behind your looking into your mom's case and that if he was gone, you'd stop. Castle agreed that it was the only way to keep you safe and for you to be happy with me for the rest of your life. He's only ever wanted to see you happy, Kate. I've been protecting you ever since you became a detective, Kate. And Castle protected you, too."

Kate shook her head, trying to make sense of what was going on. "No. Castle loves me. He told me so. I love him. I want to love him. I don't love you, Roy."

Roy put his arm around her. "You will, Kate. The Dragon is powerful, beyond anything you've ever heard or dreamed of. You'll love me, and soon."

"I…will?" Somehow it didn't seem like a question when she said it.

Kate Beckett's eyes opened. She looked at the clock. It was 3AM. She could hear the wind through the trees outside her father's cabin. I keep seeing Roy Montgomery's dead face every time I close my eyes and now I dream about him. And Castle has sacrificed for me. His career for one. He could have written any number of books instead of being with me. He's been shot at, beat up, ran into a fire for me, and spent countless hours helping me with my problems. And now I know Castle loves me. What must it have been like for him to keep seeing me with other men? I know I've been jealous of the other women in his life. I told myself that I was just concerned for my friend and partner, but it was jealousy. My heart has wanted Castle but my head was afraid. Terrified. What must Castle's heart be like after all I put him through? Kate felt a cold chill run down her spine. And what will he be like after what I will put him through? I lied to him in the hospital and I haven't called him. He must be worried sick about me. Why is my life so damned mixed up? I'm not extraordinary. I'm just a wreck.

Kate managed to push everything out of her mind and go back to sleep. She woke up again at dawn, not at all refreshed by sleep and sat for hours wondering what she should do.

But that didn't stop the dreams.

"Kate, I love you. I love you Kate."

Kate smiled at hearing the words she had so long wanted to hear.

"I have an idea, Kate." Josh said after kissing her forehead. "You should quit the NYPD and retrain as a nurse. You could come with me everywhere. We could get married then. I know it's what you want."

Kate just stared at him.

"It is what you want. I know it and you know it." Josh repeated, smiling down at the woman he loved.

She shook her head to clear it. "Josh I broke up with you and I can't resign from the force. I have to find my mom's killer. You know that's what my whole adult life has been about."

Josh just laughed at her. "You know your mom died due to random gang violence. There's no way you can find the killer now. It's been twelve years."

Kate was getting very upset, but controlled her temper. "What about Coonan? He confessed before I killed him. And John Raglan. He told me part of it before he was killed."

Josh looked at her oddly, as if she was talking nonsense. "Coonan? Raglan? I've never heard of them. And you've never killed anyone."

Kate took a deep breath and smiled at Josh. "Coonan took Castle hostage in the precinct. I had to kill Coonan to save Castle's life."

Josh frowned. "Castle? Who's Castle."

"Richard Castle the novelist. He's been shadowing me for years to research his books. Nikki Heat? Heat Wave? Naked Heat?"

Josh tried to smile reassuringly to her. "Kate, honey, no one has been shadowing you. And if you think I'd let a slimeball like that near the girl I love…Well, it would never happen. Now here, I have your resignation from the NYPD right here. Just sign it and we'll be so happy together."

Kate shook her head and tried to move away from Josh, but she couldn't seem to move.

"Sign it, Kate. Sign it now."

There was something wrong with Josh's voice. Kate looked behind him and saw Coonan, and behind Coonan was Raglan, McAllister and Roy Montgomery. And behind Roy was some vast, shadowy being. Kate struggled to get away, but couldn't.

Josh held out the resignation and a pen. "Sign it, Kate. Everyone connected with this case is dead. Your mom, her colleagues, Raglan, McAllister, Montgomery. Do what you do best, run away and hide in nowhere relationships with men you don't love."

Kate sat up in her bed, this time reaching for her Glock on the nightstand. It took several minutes for Kate to get herself under control again. This time Castle wanted me to stop. This time I wouldn't listen. And now Roy is dead. Would it have made any difference if I had stopped? The Dragon is ruthless. He'll kill anyone who's a danger to him. Can I drag Castle into this? Ryan? Esposito? Are we all going to end up dead because of my obsession? Should I stop? Can I stop?

Kate stayed awake until dawn, but she never found a good answer to her question.

"Kate. Make it out to Kate." She said.

Richard Castle looked up at her. "I know you. You're Detective Beckett. I followed you for that book before I wrote Bond. How have you been?"

Castle turned to the woman next to him. "Kitten, this is the detective I told you about."

The blonde with the large fake boobs giggled. "Her?"

Castle laughed. "Let me tell you something. Not having sex with crazy people is unbelievable. After a year with Beckett, I would have dated anyone. Anything. She is so totally obsessed with her mom's murder, she's throwing her life away."

Beckett turned red with embarrassment. "Can you help me with my mom's case, Castle? Please?" She begged.

"After, what I went through when I tried to help you before? No thanks. My wounded heart is just healing." He opened up his shirt to show a large scar over his heart. "Now could you move along? I've signed your book, I have fans here who want to see me."

Raglan and McAllister, still bleeding from their wounds, removed her from the bookstore. Kate looked at what Castle had written for her. "Kate, I don't love you. I don't love you, Kate."

Her eyes opened slowly. It was just dawn. It had been a week since her last nightmare.

Why does Castle love me? He really should hate me for what I've put him through. But he does love me. I've known he loved me before he ever told me, I just wouldn't let myself believe it. Now I have to. I have to change. I have to be the woman be deserves, but how?

The last dream had been a week before she came back to the precinct. It hadn't been as real as the others, just a formless sense of dread surrounding her.

She sat on the swings with Castle and did her best to explain herself. I hate myself for lying like this to Castle, but I have to straighten out my own mind, my own life before I can really be with him.

Castle heard her out and nodded. "So, you want me to wait for you?"

No, no,no,no,no,no,no,no. She thought. "Castle, I can't ask that of you. I really can't." That was all she could say, although she knew she should say more, one way or another.

"You don't have to ask, Beckett, I'm volunteering. I'll wait."

"Castle, it could take years or maybe…." Her voice trailed off. Forever. She thought.

"Then we'd better find this guy and take him down."

All she could do was nod. And this time she couldn't wake up from the nightmare.