660. Chapter 660

After Cops and Robbers

Episode 4.07

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: You're not asking the right questions if you think I own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Rick Castle walked towards the windows of the bank to get a message to Kate Beckett about the C4 that Sal Martino had seen with the bank robbers.

He heard Dr. Quinn yell for him to stop and he froze. For some reason she kept yelling at him even though he had stopped. Then he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. Sal Martino was up and staggering around. He could see foam on the man's lips and then he collapsed into Castle's arms as Castle screamed to Dr. Quinn not to shoot.

Finding a medical bracelet with the word epilepsy on it explained everything. Trapper John, for some reason decided to let Martino go. As the bank robbers were distracted by everything, Castle took a deposit slip, tore it in half and wrote on them. Then he wadded the notes up in as tiny a ball as he could.

He was shocked when Kate walked through the door, dressed an FDNY paramedic's uniform. She knelt beside him. "Hey Sal. Hey, buddy. How're you doing? Sal, listen to me. I want you to know there are people out there that care about you, so just keep breathing."

Kate risked taking Castle's hand and looking at him. "I promise you, I'm going to get you out of here."

Castle felt relieved and quickly pushed the notes into Kate's hand, then stood and watched as she pushed the gurney with Sal on it out of the bank.

Once outside and clear of the bank, Kate opened the ball of paper she'd been given. "Oh, no." She said and ran to the command van.

"Castle say's there's C4 in the bank." She blurted out to Captain Peterson, holding out the note.

Peterson took it and scanned it. "C4? What the hell do they need C4 for?"

One of the policemen spoke up. "Sir, there's another piece of paper under that. He might have sent an explanatory note."

Peterson quickly read the note, then turned to Beckett, obviously angry. "Detective Beckett, what the hell is this?" He held out the note.

Beckett could clearly read what Castle has written there. "Kate, I love you."

"I thought you said this man was your partner. Now he's telling you he loves you?"

Kate was stunned, but she knew she had to say something. "Sir, we've been together for several years, but we've never dated. However, I can't deny that there's been an attraction between us."

"And he picks now to tell you?" Captain Peterson raged. "Why the hell can't he take you out on a boat in Central Park Lake like everyone else?"

Kate had no real answer for that, although she was sure she knew why Castle had done this. I lied to him. He has no idea that I know he loves me. He's afraid he'll die and took a chance so that I'll know how he feels before….She couldn't force herself to go on any further than that.

"Do those people in there know about this?" Peterson asked, regaining control of his temper.

She shook her head. "I don't see how they could. And it wouldn't make any difference if they did. I'm sure that they understand that everyone in there has someone who loves them."

Peterson looked at her for long seconds. "Okay, but you're out of here. You're too emotionally involved in this. Go."

Beckett stood right where she was. "You can't do that."

"The hell I can't. You're out of here now. I'll have you tossed out if I have to."

"Trapper John asked to talk to me specifically. You kick me out of here and he's going to suspect you're getting ready for something. He could start killing hostages. He's been talking to me and we do have a rapport of sorts. It's too dangerous to kick me out of here."

Peterson stared at her for a long minute. "Okay, you're right. But you'd damn well better not screw this up to save your boyfriend. Now go outside for a minute and clear your head. I'll call you back in if he calls."

Kate stood outside and saw Alexis standing with an officer. She avoided making eye contact with the young redhead. She looked at the ground, her thoughts racing. Since I became a cop, I've done things my way. If anyone got in my way, I pushed them aside, or pushed them away, like I've been pushing Castle. I had my plan. I was going to work with Dr. Burke until I was in a place where Castle and I could be together. But now I have no control at all. Castle knows I would have seen the note. I'd never get two notes like that and not read both of them. And every cop in that van knows that Castle told me he loves me. Some of them know he's author Rick Castle and that I'm the inspiration for Nikki Heat. It won't take long for the story to get around. I can't let Castle hear about this from some gossiping cop. I have to face this. And I have no clue what to do. Damn it! I didn't plan on something like this happening. I have to tell Castle that I saw the note. I have to explain that I can't love him as he deserves, not while my mom's killer is out there. I hope he understands. A thought sent chills down her spine. Suppose he doesn't understand? It's been twelve years since I lost Mom and I'm no closer to finding who ordered her murder than the day I became a cop. Can I ask Castle to wait for me for years, for decades, forever? The only thing that would be worse than him not waiting would be if he did await and I had to be with him every day, knowing that he loves me and that he's destroying his life for me.

Beckett's thoughts were interrupted. Trapper John wanted to talk to her again.

Once the case was over and they were back at Castle's loft having dinner, Kate kept sneaking looks at Castle. Every once in a while she'd catch him sneaking looks at her. He knows I got his note. He knows that I know he loves me and he's wondering why I haven't said anything all day about it.

After dinner, Rick offered to drive Kate home, which she accepted gladly. One in his car, she put her hand on his arm before he could start the engine. "I got your note to me."

"About the C4?" He asked, trying to give her an out.

"Both notes." She whispered.

"Beckett, I really thought that Trapper John was going to kill us all and I just wanted you to know how I feel. I know you must be mad at me and probably want…"

"I knew you loved me, Castle. I wouldn't be much of a detective if I couldn't figure that out. You've done enough research to fill a library full of Nikki Heat books, and you could get ten women more beautiful than me if you wanted them. There's only one other reason you'd stay around." Thank god I don't have to lie to him. That could destroy us. "You know that I care for you deeply…."

"But you just don't love me. I get it." She could see the pain in his face when he said that.

"I don't love you yet." She quickly said.

He stared at her. "What does that mean?"

"What I told you at the swings still holds. When I love you, you will be the most important thing in my life, everything and everyone else will be secondary. But as long as my mom's killer is out there, I can't put you first. I can't allow myself to love you as I should. But I want desperately to love you, Castle."

"So, we just go on like before?" He asked.

She shook her head and smiled. "No, we can't do that. Our relationship will have to change."

"How?" Castle asked, starting to get a sick feeling in his stomach.

"Well, when you take me home and I've had a wonderful dinner with your family, I should kiss you goodnight." She leaned over to Castle and kissed him, putting her hand behind his neck and pulling him to her. It's too late. She thought. I'm falling more and more in love with Castle. Soon, he will be the only thing in my life. But, maybe that'll work out.