710. Chapter 710

After Number One Fan

Episode 6.04

By

UCSBad

Disclaimer: To dot the I's and cross the T's, I don't own Castle: Rating: K Time: See above.

Captain Nikki Heat arrived after the hostage negotiation team and before the SWAT team. She noted that the uniforms we're keeping the crowds of civilians well away from any potential danger. Why would anyone want to get up close and personal with some nut case with a gun? Especially one with who has a bunch of hostages already.

She parked her Crown Vic and walked to the command center. She knew the HNT lieutenant slightly. Joe Hobbes, degree in psychology from NYU, wife, three kids, sixteen years on the force. A good solid dependable sort who wouldn't lose his cool.

"Lieutenant Hobbes, what's the status?"

Hobbes looked up and smiled. "Not much, Captain. We've tried calling the hostage taker, but she's apparently on the phone to someone else. We've tried calling the dentist's office where the hostages are, but no one answers."

Nikki frowned. "Is that bad? Usually they want to make their demands known at once."

Hobbes shrugged. "That's my experience. I've never had one that didn't want to talk to us before. We'll just have to see."

"Do we have any view of the inside?"

"Yes. We got some security camera video before she shot the camera out. Let me show you." He pulled a laptop out, opened it up and began playing the video. "This is the suspect. Facial recognition got a hit. She's Meredith Squanque, an out of work actress." Ms. Squanque was a redhead with obviously fake boobs and a dress that could have been made into a nice handkerchief. "To her left is Gina Swenson, the blonde. She's the manager of the Swedish Bikini Team." Swenson had equally fake looking boobs and a shorter and tighter dress than Ms. Squanque.

"The Swedish Bikini Team?" Nikki asked.

"All twelve of them are inside." The video showed a dozen tall, leggy and very busty blondes in brief bikinis.

"Then there are the two dentists, sisters, Drs. Jacinda and Ellie da Slutte." The video showed to brunettes in short tight, white lab coats and apparently nothing on underneath. Their boobs were massive." Apparently a Dr. Davidson has an office next door. He's a plastic surgeon who specializes in boob jobs. He gets free dental care and they get free boob jobs. He's over there."

Hobbes pointed out a man who looked like he was carrying a boa constrictor in his pants. "They say he hung himself."

"Oh my god. Are those real?"

Nikki turned to see Roach, the mashup for detectives Raley and Ochoa, staring at the laptop's screen.

"They're real. "Nikki said coldly. "But not original equipment."

Suddenly Ochoa screamed.

"What?" Nikki yelled, her hand going to her Sig as she looked around.

"Waly thtepped on my tongue." Ochoa muttered.

"Captain Heat?" Another voice asked.

Nikki knew the voice. Captain "Bull" Perlmutter was the toughest SWAT commander the NYPD had. Nikki didn't like the way Perlmutter ran roughshod over the citizens of New York City and ignored the laws and regulations of the city.

Nikki glared at him. Perlmutter glared back. After several long minutes, Perlmutter finally looked away, as he always did. Nikki smiled.

"We don't get along, Perlmutter, but just remember, this is my precinct and we do things my way. We can end this without any gunfire and we will. Understand?"

Perlmutter laughed. "Why don't you and Miss Hobbes here just back off and let the real men handle this? We'll drop that psycho bitch and recover the survivors, if any. And if you damned bleeding heart liberals would grow a pair, that's what we'd do to all of the scum that infest the streets of New York."

Nikki was about to let Perlmutter have it when Hobbes' phone rang. He picked it up and answered it, speaking in monotones. Then he turned to Nikki. "She says she wants Jameson Rook to come in and talk to her. She insists she come in alone, unarmed and wearing only a pair of Speedos."

Nikki nodded and turned to Perlmutter. "For breaching the door, could you get a tank from the Army?"

"Not necessary." Said a familiar voice. "Ms. Squanque called me and demanded my presence. Knowing the citizens of New York were in danger, I came at once."

Jameson Rook smiled at his lovely wife, nodded to Perlmutter and Hobbes, then swept Nikki away to a discrete corner of the command post for some serious making out. When they came back out, Nikki looked much more….relaxed. In fact, Rook was carrying her in his arms.

"Rookie has convinced me that he should go in and talk to this Meredith person." She looked up at her husband. "Shouldn't you were one of those Hurt Locker bomb disposal suits, just to be safe, Jameson?"

Rook laughed. "Of course not. This woman is a fan. She won't hurt me. Besides, she wants me to go in wearing Speedos. It's a good thing I work out every day?"

"Do you ever." Nikki sighed.

Rook quickly stripped down to the Speedos he was wearing under his bespoke suit, causing the female demographic for CNN to spike dramatically. By the time Rook walked into the dentists' office, three Hollywood studios had projects in the works based on the incident.

Rook walked into the office and was immediately overwhelmed by terrified Swedes, dentists and a hostage taker, seeking his manly reassurance. Rook explained that he was happily married about a half an hour after he got there and went to Meredith to see what her demands were.

'I have no demands, Mr. Rook. I need your help in exposing a cruel blackmailing scheme. Doctor Davidson is threatening to tell everyone that my boobs are implants." Meredith pulled down her dress. "Do these look like fake boobs to you?" She demanded.

"I don't know. Perhaps if I could take my shoes off and run barefoot through them, I could tell."

The rest of the women immediately offered to help Rook discern the difference between real and fake boobs. In the interest of gathering important forensic evidence, Rook allowed them to help.

"I promise you, Ms. Squanque, that I won't rest until justice is done." With that, Rook left and went back to the command post.

"Nikki, she says she's being blackmailed by that plastic surgeon over there, Dr. Davidson."

"We should get a psychiatrist." Nikki muttered.

"To get Davidson to confess?"

"No, for you. You have Stockholm Syndrome, from being around all of those damned Swedes in their bikinis and their boobs."

"Nikki, you know I love only you. But I must see justice done."

"We must see justice done." Nikki replied, handcuffing Rook to her.

They approached Dr. Davidson. "Ms. Squanque says that you're blackmailing her by threatening to release phony evidence that her boobs are fakes." Nikki said.

"You've got nothing on me, copper. Get lost."

Rook laughed. "What about this letter, on your letterhead?" Rook read it. "Ms. Squanque, either submit to my lewd and lascivious demands, or I'll provide false evidence that your boobs are fakes. Yours truly, J. Davidson, MD."

"By the way," Nikki added, "we've discovered you aren't really a doctor, but you're from Maryland, abbreviated, MD. Give it up, Davidson, it's all over."

"Like hell it is." Davidson snarled, pulling a gun and shoving it into Rook's face. "You go for your gun and he dies."

Nikki did the only thing she could do. She showed him her boobs. Entranced by Nikki's 44DDs, Davidson was easily led away by "Bull" Perlmutter. Davidson didn't even notice the SWAT officers brutalizing him as he was taken to jail.

Later that night, Nikki and Rook relaxed in their loft. "So, would you like to play the Swedish Bikini Team and the hostage taker tonight?" Nikki asked.

"Do we have to?" Rook whined. "I hate having to wear a bikini. Suppose someone sees me?"

"Well, I won't be wearing a bikini." Nikki said in a low, sexy voice.

"What will you be wearing?" Rook was curious.

"Nothing."

"Let me get my bikini."