722. Chapter 722

After Room 147

Episode 6.16

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: But I distinctly remember not owning Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Author's note: These are further adventures of Lord and Lady Castle in a steampunk 19th century and is a sequel to chapters 84, 187, 327, 471, 540, 541, 555, 567, 608, 627, and 633.

"There it is, my beloved. Simla, the summer capital of British India. It gets beastly hot in New Delhi down on the plains, so everyone moves up here in the mountains where it's cooler." Lord Richard Castle smiled. "And, while we're on holiday, I'll have a chance to test my latest invention, the Castle Air Refresher and Cooler. I'm sure you're as excited as I am, Dear Kate."

Lady Katherine, the American born wife of Lord Castle, nodded. In fact she had already worked out that Lord Castle's new invention had several flaws, which she and her step daughter, Lady Alexis, would fix in the fullness of time. Although Lord Castle was known far and wide as a great inventor, explorer, adventurer, poet, and many other things, his laurels were due to the efforts of his brilliant daughter and, latterly, to his beautiful and brainy wife. Regrettably, Lord Castle never quite seemed to understand how all of his accomplishments had been subtly guided by those two women. For while the British Empire prided itself on being the very pinnacle of enlightened thought on social and moral issues, the British had, regrettably, been unable to accept women as the intellectual equals of men. In fact a woman with brains was scorned as "too clever by half." Luckily for the good of all mankind, Lady Katherine and Lady Alexis had been able to advance mankind with such things as the aether telegraph, the sun powered dirigible which connected all parts of the world and the creation of a strain of rice that had reduced world hunger to negligible proportions, all by giving credit to their dear father and husband, respectively. There were, of course, other minor accomplishments that the two ladies had been responsible for, such as the discovery of the Egyptian pharaohs' tombs in the Valley of the Kings. Reviewing Bouvard's calculations, they had determined that there was another celestial body beyond Neptune, although the astronomers had scoffed. They would have saved the life of US President McKinley had the Secret Service only listened them and their friend Mr. Roosevelt. Such was their life.

Lord Castle turned to the other three members of his party. They were Mrs. Jenny Ryan, a daughter of the Emerald Isle, who was the cook for the Castles. Her husband, Kevin, was a policeman in London who was too busy suppressing crime to go to India. There was Javier Esposito, a former member of the French Foreign Legion, who's adventures fighting for la belle France were nearly as exciting as Lord Castle own adventures, although not as well paying. He was Lord Castle's valet. Lastly was Dumming, a Tibetan mastiff who had been seen late at night manufacturing potions in Lady Katherine's laboratory and chuckling to himself while looking at post cards from France of the sort no gentleman, or gentledog, would resort to. Alas, Dumming had fallen madly in love with Fifi, a French poodle who posed for these racy post cards. Dumming was determined to advance his physical and mental abilities so that he could journey to his love and maintain himself in the manner of an English gentledog. To that end, he had already provided himself with opposable thumbs, the ability to walk upright and he now dressed in the uniform of Eton, a fashionable public school for young gentlemen.

The Castle party arrived at their hotel, the Lord Wellesley, and were greeted obsequiously by the manager, one Davidson by name. As Lady Castle walked up the stairs to the lobby, a gust of wind showed a glimpse of a most well turned ankle. Davidson was entranced and knew he must have this flower of Anglo-American womanhood for his own, no matter what the cost.

Upon arriving at their suite, number 146, the Castles settled in while Mrs. Ryan and Esposito moved into the well appointed servants' quarters. Dumming, had snuck off to the library to study a book on French grammar.

Very late that night, Lord and Lady Castle were woken by a pounding on the door of their suite.

"Yes, what is it?" Lord Castle asked angrily.

"A thousand pardons, your lordship, but some sort of infernal machine has been set upon the roof of our hotel, and it's causing a great glacier to move down the staircases. You must run before it gets here and you're sealed in your room for eternity."

"Oh, bother." Lord Castle muttered. "It's my new invention for cooling off buildings. There must be a slight problem with the settings. I'll be right back, Katherine, dearest." With that farewell, Lord Castle garbed himself in the warm clothing he had worn climbing the Matterhorn, grabbed some pitons and a hammer and headed for the roof. In less than an hour, the glaciers were receding, and, although there was some flooding, everyone accounted Lord Castle the hero of the hour. No one had noticed Lady Katherine and Lady Alexis climbing up the outside of the hotel to get to the invention before Lord Castle and repair it before he arrived.

But, once back at their suite, they had a ghastly surprise awaiting them.

Javier Esposito snapped to attention and saluted Lord Castle. "M'Lor Castle, I regret that I entered the room across from yours, room 147, and shot the swine inside dead."

"You shot a pig?" Lord Castle asked, somewhat taken aback. "But why?"

"No, Lord, I shot the occupant, Sir Montague Horneigh-Hampster."

"But why?" Asked Lady Katherine.

"He was the cause of all of my troubles in La Legion, but of course. The Tuaregs in the bled in Africa, the Chinese Black Flags in Tonkin, and the Amazons of Dahomey."

"But how could he have done all that?"

Esposito looked at Lady Castle, then looked confused. "I have no idea. But….he must have."

"You're wrong, Mr. Esposito." Said Jenny Ryan. "For I killed the rascal for his misdeeds against the Irish. There's the high rents, the evictions of tenant farmers, the absentee landlords. Oh, that man had a lot to answer for when I killed him."

Dumming walked up to Lord Castle. Dumming was wearing a smoking jacket and was holding a pipe. Although he didn't smoke, he felt the pipe made him look more mature. He handed Lord Castle a piece of paper.

"Good boy, Dumming. What have you found? "Lord Castle read the paper aloud. "Je suis knowing who le killer is?" Lord Castle turned to his furry companion. "Who is it, Dumming?"

Dumming pointed to Lord Castle.

"Me? I killed Sir Montague Horneigh-Hampster? Why on earth would I do that?"

Dumming answered with a very Gallic shrug.

Suddenly, Lady Alexis pushed her way through the crowd that had gathered outside of Room 147. "There's something very odd going on here." She announced.

"I should say that there is." Lord Castle said. "I shall have to arrest myself."

Lady Alexis continued. "I inspected the servants quarters and detected an unusual odor in the after dinner tea served to Mrs. Ryan and M. Esposito. It was the distinct aroma of an extract of a plant grown only on the Tibetan Plateau."

Dumming immediately pulled out his passport to show he'd been nowhere near Tibet.

"And we'll talk about certain postcards later, you bad dog." Lady Alexis said.

Dumming at once began writing a petition for clemency from Lord Castle.

"This extract will make anyone very suggestable. They'll believe anything they're told."

She turned to Davidson who'd been standing in the back of the crowd chortling. "Davidson, according to the hotel's records, you just returned from a trip to the Tibetan Plateau."

Realizing he was discovered, Davidson ran for it, not counting on the speed and agility of Mrs. Ryan, who hit him with purse containing twelve pints of Guinness Stout. Davidson collapsed at once.

Once the excitement was over and Lord and Lady Castle were back in their suite, Lord Castle sighed. "I had hoped this would be a peaceful vacation and we've had another adventure."

Lady Katherine smiled. "Then perhaps we can have yet another adventure." She said, slowly undoing her nightgown.