744. Chapter 744

After Backstabber

Episode 8.18

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: There is way too much I could say about the title of this episode, but I won't. Rating: K Time: See above.

Author's note: Somehow Haley Shipton went from a rogue ex-cop who only cared about herself, to working for Castle, to family in a very short time. Obviously, what happened to lead to this was not shown on screen. I'm sure that whatever did happen bore no resemblance to what follows.

Haley walked into Richard Castle Investigations to find Alexis in near hysterics. "Alexis, what's happened?"

"I can't find it, Haley. It's gone. And I've looked everywhere."

"Settle down, Alexis. What's gone?"

"My library card."

"But you can get another one. I'll help you."

"You don't understand. I'm a quadruple major at Columbia. I'm majoring in pre-med, nuclear physics, genetics, computer design and programming and I'm minoring in pre-Islamic pornography. And I work here full time. I can't miss a day at the library. If I do, I'll have to give up the half an hour of sleep I have scheduled each night. I already gave up eating, sex and going to the bathroom."

"Think, Alexis, when did you last have your library card?" Haley asked.

"When I signed into the library at four AM this morning. I went to the computer center to redesign raccoon DNA to make them hate garbage cans while using my left hand. Using my right, I designed an artificial sphincter. And typing on my laptop with my feet, I found the photos of J. Edgar Hoover in an evening gown that Dad had wanted."

"Now think carefully. Did you have your library card on you when you left?"

"Yes. I remember putting it in the front pocket of my…." Alexis's hand went to the pocket of her jeans and found her library card. "Haley! Thank you so much. If I use the rocket powered skateboard I designed and built, I can be at the library quickly enough to be able to sleep four extra minutes. Or I could correct the mistakes NASA made with the new Mars lander."

Lanie Parish had seen many things on the steel tables in the morgue, but this was a first. "Detective Demming! What do you think you're doing?"

"Please! Can't you see that my date and I are having an intimate moment here?" Demming snarled.

"But she's dead. Can't you see that?"

"Really? Well, most women react like that to me. Besides, she's still pretty warm."

Lanie walked towards Demming with anger in her eyes. "Get the hell out of…."

With one mighty sweep of his arm Demming knocked her to the floor. "Go away. We're busy. I think this could be the one for me."

"But she's an elderly orangutan who was poisoned at the Bronx Zoo. She's not even human."

"So? I always liked short redheads with long arms."

"Help. Please can someone help me?"

"What do you need, Lanie?" Haley Shipton asked, walking into the morgue. As soon as she saw what was what, she reacted. "Unhand that orangutan at once."

"That's not my hand."

"It looked like your little finger to me. Now get off or I'll have to hurt you."

Demming laughed coldly. "You? You're a girl."

That sexist insult was enough to send Haley into berserker mode. Demming never knew what hit him and ended up in the hospital for six months before being sent to prison. From there, he was paroled to the Bronx Zoo.

Haley ran into the precinct so winded that she didn't have enough breath to speak. Quickly thinking, she began a game of charades. Luckily, Rick Castle had spent many years playing strip charades and began deciphering Haley's clues.

"Rain? Ruin? Ruble? Rice? Ryan?"

Haley smiled and nodded. She began on the next word.

"Threw? Tossed? Abandoned? Threw a ninety mile an hour sinker? No, wait, fell. Ryan fell..?"

Haley went to the next word.

Castle paid very close attention and began offering suggestions. "Ocean? Sea? Lake? Stream? Flood? Well! Ryan fell down a well?"

Haley clapped.

"Where is he, Haley? Can you take us to him?"

Haley quickly took them to a well at Seventh and Lex where they found Ryan chained to a motorcycle at the bottom.

One he'd been pulled out, he explained what happened. "The mysterious head of Hell's Cardiologists chained me to a bike and threw me down a well. Haley saw what happened, but couldn't get me out. Lucky for me, she always carries SCUBA gear in case something like this happens."

"Did you see who the head of Hell's Cardiologists is, Haley?" Castle asked.

Haley nodded and began giving the first clue.

"Joke? Tease? Pulling your leg? Joshing? Josh?"

Haley smiled and clapped.

"Charley? Farley? Marley? Harley? Harley-Davidson? Josh Davidson is the head of Hell's Cardiologists."

Haley smiled.

"Go pick up Dr. Josh Davidson. Said Captain Beckett. Then, "Haley you're remarkable."

Haley had just enough wind back to say, "I know."

Detective Javier Esposito looked nervously at the bomb in the middle of the school room. "Haley, the perp has chained the school doors closed and the bomb will go off in minutes. If we can't disarm this bomb, hundreds of little kids will die."

"No problem, mate. Just cut the red wire."

Espo shook his head. "I'm ex-Special Forces. I was trained on explosive ordnance disposal. There's more to this that just cutting the damned red wire. Besides, all of the wires are red."

"Then cutting the red one shouldn't be a problem, should it?"

Esposito began to carefully examine the bomb. Looking over every part of it and muttering under his breath.

"Espo, this is obviously the work of a Swiss bomb maker known known as the Gnome of Zurich. He hates everyone taller than he is and that includes the kids in this school and us. So just cut the red wire right here and we can go have a nice room temperature beer. Okay?"

"Haley, will you quit distracting me? We only have seconds left."

Haley rolled her eyes and cut the red wire. The timer stopped, but a recording began saying "The red wire has been cut. Initiating back up.", in French, Italian, Romansh and German, the languages of Switzerland.

Thinking quickly, Haley picked the bomb up and slid it under her sweater. There was a small pop and Haley relaxed.

"What happened? Why didn't the bomb go off?" Espo cried.

"It did, but when I was at Oxford, working undercover for MI6, I invented bomb proof clothing. My clothes absorbed the blast.

And so Haley became part of the Castle family.

Another author's note: And so I'm back in California. When I got back on Sunday afternoon, I found my internet connection and TV was down. Today the technician came out and brought me a new modem. I find that living without a computer and a TV is like being in the Dark Ages. But, for the first time ever, I didn't feel bad about missing Castle.