758. Chapter 758

After Dead from New York

Episode 7.22

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Live from here, I do not own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Very quietly, the detective and the writer made their way to the apartment where the killer was hiding. After a brief conversation, inaudible to anyone more than a foot away, the writer stood by the door while the detective kicked the door in. To their surprise, inside were seven heavily armed men. They began shooting, but the detective was too fast for them. Putting away her pistol, she disarmed all seven men and cuffed them.

"Oh, no!" She cried.

"What is it, love? Are you wounded?"

"No. I broke a nail. And I'm on the catwalk for Oscar de la Renta tomorrow. Why do these things always happen to me?"

"Don't worry." Cried her husband. "I'm a billionaire writer. I'll fly in experts from all over the world to repair your damaged nail. Nothing's too good for Rikki Hoot."

"Rikki Hoot?" Kate said, looking over Castle's shoulder.

Castle gave her his best, most ingratiating smile. "I thought that the Model Cop bit on Saturday Night Tonight was cute and I thought I might put a little something from that in the next Nikki Heat. Nikki and Rook go to a famous comedy show, um, I'll call it Saturday Night All Night. There they see two actors doing a bit about them. The one I just wrote. Later they interview Denny Heart who isn't the killer…."

"Somehow I was sure he'd turn out to be a mass murderer." Kate said, only slightly sarcastically.

"He's not the killer, but he does launder money for the Islamic State."

Kate nodded. "And here I was afraid that you were still jealous of my old boyfriends. Silly me."

"Actually, there's a gang of serial killers who are having a contest to see who can kill the most people in the most gruesome manner. There's Billy Sorebutt, Tommy Schlemming, Jock Daviston, Orach Vain and Marlon Punt."

"Didn't you leave out a fireman?" Kate said, very sarcastically.

"You mean the one who kills puppies and little kitties?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "I should have known."

"I can't help it. I just love you so much that I'm massively jealous of everyone you've ever been involved with, going back to that little boy in third grade who teased you and made you cry."

"We were in the fourth grade and I made him cry, and walk with a stoop for a week."

"That's my Kate."

"We should go to bed. We have to get into the precinct early tomorrow to go over the Forrester financials."

Later that week…..

"Kate, what's this on my laptop?"

"You were right. That bit about Model Cop was cute. But it needed a woman's touch."

"You do remember that I am a best selling author and that my female characters, including Nikki Heat, have been highly praised?"

"You can always improve."

Castle decided he'd be better off saying nothing and began to read.

Nikki Heat and her husband, ruggedly handsome investigative journalist Jameson Rook walked onto the set of Saturday Night All Night.

"Well, your description of Rook isn't bad but you could mention his broad shoulders and twinkling blue eyes. And maybe his devil may care smile?"

"Read on." Kate said.

Nikki approached a crazed looking woman, assuming she was in character. "Excuse me Ms….?"

"I'm Meredith Mammaries." Said the surgically enhanced redhead. "I was Rook's first wife, you know. I went mad when he left me." Suddenly she spotted Rook behind Nikki. "Rookie!" She screamed, then tore off her clothes and tackled Rook, driving him to the ground.

Nikki pulled her stun gun and knocked Meredith out. She turned to Roach. "Put her in the wagon with the rest of the suspects."

"May I help you, Detective?" A blonde woman asked.

"I'm Captain Nikki Heat, NYPD. And you are?"

"I'm Gina Frigid. Even after my marriage to Rook, I'm still a virgin."

Nikki noticed that icicles were starting to form on the woman's forehead. "Can you tell me where I might find Selena Jay, your insurance agent?"

"She's having sex with the FDNY's Engine Company Nine, the crew of the USS America and the population of Iceland. But she's a fast worker, she'll be done in seventeen minutes and eight seconds."

Nikki frowned. "Perhaps then you can tell me where I might find Pyra Technic? She lights up the sky or something for someone or another."

Gina thought for a second. "You mean our electrician? She couldn't get any lights lit in our whole studio. She went on an eating binge after she foolishly dumped some journalism student or something. She weighed over six hundred pounds when they finally rolled her out of here."

"Then how about Jacinda Skywalker. Oh, excuse me. That's Jacinda Streetwalker. Is she around?"

"I can't help you, I'm afraid. She got too close to me and her, um, hoo hah froze up. Froze solid, in fact. She had to quit working and eventually starved to death." Gina frowned, causing her frozen ears to fall off. "There was an FBI agent here earlier named Syria Shows. But she was looking for someone named Rock. Oh, there she is."

Syria Shows had her gloved hand over Rook's mouth and was dragging him away. "I swear to you Rook, you'll love bondage. And once you get used to the gimp suit, you'll find it's quite comfortable and the steamer trunk is very cozy."

Rook tried to scream, but Shows then thrust her size eleven foot into his mouth.

Nikki sighed and removed her Taser from her holster and tased the overwrought FBI agent. "Really, Rookie, are there any other of your exes I should know about?"

"Of course not!" Hoping the teenaged model, the dominatrix and deranged plastic surgeon hadn't tracked him down.

"Really? You're jealous of Kelly Neiman? She was helping Tyson try to kill me."

Kate shrugged. "Artistic license. And who knows? She may have had the hots for you. Maybe that's why she wanted to look like me."

Castle shuddered. "Please don't ever mention that lunatic to me again."

Kate laughed. "Deal, if you stop being jealous of my old boyfriends."

"I'll try." And before Kate could reply, he began typing.

Jameson Rook knew that Nikki Heat was for more beautiful than any supermodel he'd ever met, but that wasn't what made him love her. He loved her for her compassion, her dedication and devotion to the law and her desire to make the world a better place and her brilliance at making that happen. Nikki was all he'd ever wanted and all he'd ever need.

"Come and see what I just wrote."

"You're sweet, but I'm not sure Nikki and Rook need to revisit that particular case."