778. Chapter 778

After Fool Me Once…

Episode 2.04

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Perhaps I could con ABC out of Castle? Rating: K Time: See above.

The weary, footsore knight led his equally footsore horse through Sherwood Forest, hoping to find and inn where he could feed himself and his horse and get a good night's sleep. Suddenly he found his way blocked by a large, but rather shabbily dressed man.

"Will you let me pass, sir?" The knight asked.

The big man laughed. "I will let you pass for a price, so hand over your gold and go peacefully on your way, otherwise I'll soundly thrash you and take it anyway."

The knight, observing that the man had no weapon, dropped his sword belt and tied his horse to a tree. "I have neither gold, silver nor even a copper to my name, but what I do have I shall keep. What is your name, fellow?"

"I am called Little Javier here in Sherwood Forest."

"And what are you called outside of the forest?"

"I am called an outlaw." Little Javier replied.

Little Javier was big and strong and had won many a barroom brawl, but the knight had followed good King Richard on the Crusades and had learned many things in his years in the East. In less than a minute, he had rendered Little Javier unconscious. As he reached for Little Javier's purse, an arrow struck the ground only inches from his hand.

"We are the ones who take money in Sherwood Forest, sir knight. We allow no one else to do so." The speaker was a tall, slender woman of great beauty, dressed all in Lincoln green and with abnormally high heels to her boots.

The knight appraised the woman. She was familiar to him, but where had he seen her before. "What is your name?" He asked boldly.

"I am called Kate Hood and these are my merry men."

"That one doesn't look at all merry." The knight replied.

Kate Hood shrugged. "He's Will the Sore. He was one of the Sheriff of Nottingham's men, but he accidentally thought outside the box and was fired."

"Downsizing, they called it." Will said morosely.

The knight nodded. "But I knew you as Maid Kate of Locksley."

"Maid? No more, and my ancestral home of Locksley is no longer mine. But who are you to know of me?"

"I am Sir Richard Castle, returned to England from the mysterious East."

Kate Hood frowned. "But you are headed away from your castle at Hampton-Upon-the-Sea."

Sir Richard sighed. "Alas, my castle was seized by the Sheriff of Nottingham for non-payment of taxes. Doesn't he know how slow the mail service is these days? Plus the Saracen post office has been on strike."

"He doesn't care. He is a creature of Prince John and their only goal is to grab as much wealth as they can from everyone. This is why we are here in the forest, all of our lands were seized by the sheriff to enrich himself and Prince John. Come with us, Sir Richard and have dinner. Oh, and thank you for your service in the Holy Land."

Meanwhile, in Nottingham, Sheriff Thomas de Ming was plotting with his henchman, Dr. Josh Faustus, who had unsuccessfully tried to sell his soul to the Devil. He had been especially hurt by the Devil's remarks. "Jeez, dude, even I have standards."

In addition, he had his two henchwomen with him, Meredith de Baud and Gina Trampe.

"Duke Eric will be here in a fortnight's time and we don't have the money we promised we'd raise for Prince John." Raged Sheriff Thomas de Ming.

Dr. Faustus scratched his mangy chest. "Well, counting our money we have more than enough to pay off the Duke."

The Sheriff bashed the doctor over the head with flagon of ale. "That's my, um, our money, you fool."

"I have an idea." Said Meredith de Baud. "Why don't we just steal everything the peasants have left? Then we'll have the money."

The sheriff bashed Meredith over the head as well. "Because we did that last week. They have no more money left."

"Maybe we could steal from the Church?" Gina suggested, earning herself a bashing on the head as well.

"We did that two weeks ago. We need a new source of money."

Alas, no one could think of one.

But, back in Sherwood Forest, Sir Rick and Kate were commiserating over the changes in their life and remembering the good times they had had when Kate and Rick were younger.

"Alas, "Said Sir Rick, "I once asked for your hand in marriage but now I have no home for you to rule over as you rule my heart."

"I just want you." Said Kate. "Stay here with me, Rick."

"I will, my love. If Father Kevin were sober, I'd ask him to marry us this night."

"I'll have Little Javier take our priest down to the river and dunk him until he's sober. Based on our prior attempts, that should be about next Tuesday. Does that work for you?"

"Absolutely." Said Sir Rick, kissing Kate. "But we still must find a way to foil the evil Sheriff's plans. He's stolen everything worth stealing in all of Nottingham."

"Perhaps we should sleep on it?" Kate said saucily.

And they did.

The next morning both Rick and Kate woke with smiles on their faces. Burt Rick had two reasons to smile. "I have a cunning plan." He announced. He discussed it with Kate and her merry, and not so merry, men and they agreed, that while a long shot, the plan could work.

The next day a knight, recently returned from the Crusades, rode into Nottingham and demanded to see the Sheriff.

"Who are you to demand to see the sheriff?" Asked Dr. Josh with a nasty smile.

"I am Sir Richard Castle, newly returned from the East where I traveled widely and learned many of the mysteries of the world. I believe the good sheriff is in need of funds and I can assist him in that."

Word was sent to the sheriff and he had Sir Richard brought to him at once. "What do you have that can help me get the funds I need?"

Sir Richard pulled a bag from under his coat of mail and poured a pile of beans out onto the table. "Magic beans. Plant them and they will grow into a gigantic beanstalk. When you climb to the top of the beanstalk, you can steal gold from the giant who lives in a castle in the clouds."

"Do you expect me to believe that?" The sheriff demanded.

"Absolutely." Sir Richard knew the sheriff was nasty, but not all that smart.

"How much?"

"A mere ten thousand pounds."

"Deal." Cried the sheriff. "Well go plant the beans now and I'll have my people send you the cash."

Regrettably, the sheriff wasn't as dumb as he looked. But, Sir Richard and the sheriff went and planted the beans. After a little watering, a huge beanstalk began climbing to the sky.

"It works!" Cried he sheriff.

"Of course." Sir Rick replied.

The sheriff insisted that Sir Rick come to the giant's castle with him and his people. Once there, they saw a huge castle and heard an ominous sound.

"Fe, fi, fo, fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman." This was followed by the sound of gigantic feet and a shadow that blotted out the sun.

The sheriff ran away at once, followed by the doctor and his two women. However, in their rush to escape, they fell from the top of the beanstalk and were killed.

Sir Richard watched as two redheads approached him. "Martha, Alexis, good job. You made me believe there really was a giant there. Great special effects."

"Kiddo, there is a giant here. The green fellow over there."

A smiling green giant waved to Sir Rick. "Need some veggies?" He asked, as he asked all those who entered his realm.

"He's really a sweetheart." Martha said. "But shouldn't you be getting back to Kate?"

"Right." Sir Rick left and carful descended from the beanstalk and met his lady love.

Shortly thereafter, Good King Richard came back to England and made some changes. Sir Richard was made the new Sheriff of Nottingham and Kate had Locksley Manor restored to her. Little Javier and the rest of the merry, and not so merry men, went to work for Sheriff Rick.

And they lived happily ever after.