839. Chapter 839

After Once Upon a Crime

Episode 4.17

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: Not owning Castle, isn't too hard, it isn't too soft, it's just right. Rating: K Time: See above.

Captain Kate Beckett's phone had been ringing off the hook all morning long. "Beckett." She said, trying to control her distaste for how the day had gone.

"Captain, Mr. Wolf is here to see you."

Kate sighed. "Okay. Send him in." She took a deep breath and got herself ready for what she knew would be a difficult meeting.

She stood up and came out from behind her desk, holding out her hand. "Mr. Wolf? I'm Captain Kate Beckett, 12th Precinct, Nursery Crimes, MKPD. How are you today?"

The lupine figure in a three piece suit growled at her." What are you going to do about Little Red Riding Hood? The woman is a damned serial killer. She chopped B. B. Wolf up and you let her go? What kind of a precinct are you running here?"

"I realize that Ms. Hood has a history with the wolf population, but there is evidence that he was stalking her. The wolves have a history with Ms. Hood as well."

The wolf shook his head sadly. "That's speciest nonsense from the nineteenth century when people thought we wolves ate people all the time. Everyone now knows that except for wolves with rabies, most attacks on humans are in self defense. We're an endangered species now. Something must be done!"

"What about the attacks on the three little pigs?' Kate shot back.

"It was an insurance scam. Those pigs threw up some buildings that didn't meet code and when they fell down, after one of our number chanced to walk by, the pigs saw a chance to make a killing."

"What about Ms. Hood's granny?"

The wolf rolled his eyes. "He was looking for work and knocked on her door. So he was carrying some tools of his trade. He never threatened her with an axe. That woodsman was just trying to cut down on the competition after granny freaked out. Furthermore, an impartial investigation will show…."

Mr. Wolf was cut off by a sudden commotion in the bullpen. Kate was glad to excuse herself to see what was the matter.

As she walked out of her office, a group of large, hairy beings were arguing with Sergeant Ryan, a wee lad dressed in green.

"We will not be silent and wait our turn! We've been silent for too long!" Roared one of the hairy people. Then they began to sing.

"We shall overcome, we shall overcome"We shall overcome someday"Here in my heart, I do believe"We shall overcome someday.

"Mr. Troll, do you have a problem I can help you with?" Kate asked.

The trolls stopped singing. "Yes! Your police keep arresting us for living under bridges. We're trolls, for the love of God! We're supposed to live under bridges. We do not have some psychiatric problem that keeps us from living elsewhere. We live where God intended us to live."

Kate nodded. "I can appreciate your position, but the Magical Kingdom Police Department doesn't make the laws, we just enforce them. You need to go to the…."

But the trolls began singing again, drowning her out.

"We are not afraid, we are not afraid"We shall overcome someday"Here in my heart, I do believe"We shall overcome someday.

Kate saw her husband heading to her with a serious look on his face. "Kate, we have a hot one. Somebody finally got Harry Dumpty."

"Humpty" Dumpty?' Kate asked. "He's been dealing smorlettes to school kids since forever. I always hoped we'd get him, but I guess one of his competitors got to him first." She turned to Espo. "I'll be taking this one. One PP will want to know about this ASAP."

Kate and Rick left as the trolls locked their arms together and continued to sing "We Shall Overcome".

They arrived at the crime scene to find Lanie Parish, Magical Examiner, going over Humpty's body with her forensic wand.

"What do we have, Lanie?" Kate asked.

"It looks like an accident. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty took a great fall. The problem is what happened after he fell."

"He looks like he got pretty scrambled to me. What else could have happened to him?"

"For some reason the King sent all of his horses and all of his men to try to put him together again. Naturally, the horses got here first. Why any horse would think that they could put him back together with their hooves is beyond me."

Kate glared at a group of royal horses standing around, trying to look innocent. "I think you're going to need lawyers, guys."

"Nay!" Said one horse.

"Have it your way?"

"Do you think we can get them for obstruction of justice? Desecration of a corpse, maybe?"

"I'll have to get him back to the morgue to tell for sure."

Kate walked over to the uniforms. "Any witnesses?"

"Little Boy Blue, he's got a ton of noise complaints against him. Also Jack B. Nimble. The guy's a pyromaniac if you ask me. Always jumping over candle sticks? Is that normal?"

"Did they see anything?"

The uniform shook his head. "They said they were listening to some street performer playing a fiddle."

"Did they give you a description of the fiddler?" Castle asked.

"They just said that all cats look alike to them."

"A likely story."

The uniform nodded. "And speaking of cats, it's the three little kittens again."

"Not the mitten thing again. Won't they ever learn?" Castle said.

"You know what they're like, Kitten." Beckett said slyly.

"I told you never to…"

Kate's phone rang. "Beckett." She listened and then hung up. "We have another one, a B and E at the three bears."

When Kate and Rick pulled up before the bear's stylish, split level tree house, the bears were outside talking to a uniformed officer.

"What happened?" Kate asked the officer.

"Mr. and Mrs. Bear and Baby Bear here had gone honey shopping and when they came back, someone had eaten their porridge and slept in all their beds."

"Beds?" Castle said. "Any indication of…." He glanced at Baby Bear…."Um, any untoward activities in the beds?"

"CSU is checking now. Right off hand, I didn't see any evidence of…anything."

"We all know who did this!" Cried Momma Bear. "It's that blonde bimbo! She's been stalking us for years. Why is she picking on us? We're law abiding bears. Someone should do something about that woman."

"If the police won't do anything, maybe I should." Poppa Bear said, threateningly.

"Sir, I know the constitution provided for the right to arm bears, but there's no evidence that this alleged Goldilocks is involved. She might just be an urban legend. I mean, who's seen her?"

"She's smart, I'll give her that." Muttered Papa Bear.

"Just let the police handle this, sir."

Rick and Kate had no sooner gotten back to her car when she got another call. "It's Georgie Porgie again, babe. He sexually assaulted some girls and when their boyfriends showed up, he tried to run for it. They caught him and they beat him up badly."

"You know I'm not a fan of vigilantes, but sometimes…."Castle began.

"Don't go there, Castle. You remember what happened the last time we had a vigilante."

Castle nodded. "Bo" Peep went after Miss Muffett when her sheep got scared by some spider. Like Muffett can control spiders."

"And then the sheep stampeded." Kate reminded him.

"Then the cow actually jumped over the moon. I didn't see that coming."

Kate checked her watch. "How about we let Vice handle Georgie Porgie and go have dinner at Remy's?"

Kate's radio came on. "All units. All units. Be advised that London Bridge has fallen down. This could be a terrorist attack."

Kate sighed. "Back to the precinct."

"It'll be a long night. But I'll be with you."

She smiled at him. "Partners?"

"Always."