849. Chapter 849

After Murder He Wrote

Episode 5.04

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or Sister Cities. Rating: K Time: See above.

Castle and Beckett sat looking at the clock counting down on her computer. "We're off to the Hamptons in five, four, three…." Castle began.

"We've got a body drop." Ryan announced.

"What?" Beckett said, glaring at the Irish detective.

"A body drop." Ryan repeated, somewhat taken aback by Beckett's glare. "It's in the East Village. A Mary Baxter. I've got the address, so just let me get Espo and we'll…."

"Castle and I will take it." Beckett growled, grabbing the piece of paper with the address from Ryan's hand.

"Don't you think that…?" Ryan saw a truly thermonuclear glare beginning in Beckett's eyes and said no more.

"Come on, Castle."

Arriving at the Baxter residence, she found the woman's four daughters there as well as Dr. Perlmutter.

"What do we have, Perlmutter?"

"A suspicious death. The woman was found shoved head first into the upstairs toilet."

"What makes you think it's suspicious?" Kate asked gruffly.

Perlmutter took a step back. "She was found head down in the toilet. That indicates…"

"Suicide." Beckett concluded. "Okay, no need for a homicide investigation, so we'll be on our way. Call the EMTs to take the body away, okay, Perlmutter?"

"I'm not finished with my investigation." Perlmutter said coldly.

Beckett dropped her hand to her Glock." Oh? You think so?"

Castle took her arm. "Kate, perhaps you should talk to the woman's daughters."

Beckett glared at Castle, then nodded. "Okay, who's first?"

"I am. I'm Keokuk Baxter, but everyone outside of the family calls me Keo. I'm an attorney, on my way to being the youngest judge in King's County, New York. And I've deeply resented my mother for making me the adult in our family because she was too busy screwing every man she could find. I'm not overly fond of some of my sisters, either. However, our mother committed suicide because she was dying of ALS and had nothing to look forward to but a life in a decaying body and continued pain. And she's left me to plan the damned funeral. Typical!"

"You think you had a problem being the adult in the relationship? Imagine what being Alexis Castle must feel like." Kate said snarkily.

"Hey!" Castle said. "I can hear you, you know."

Beckett kissed Castle passionately. "On you, it's cute. On her…Meh!"

"Oh, yeah?" Said a woman dressed in black. "Well, Keokuk has better tits than you do."

Castle glanced at Keokuk and then at Kate and decided to say nothing.

Beckett whirled around and faced the woman. "And you are?"

"I'm San Luis Obispo Baxter. I've spent my whole life trying not to be my mother, to be organized and in control, but now I'm divorcing my husband because I'm really more like my mom than I thought."

"You're jammed head first in a toilet?" Beckett asked.

"Of course not." San Luis Obispo said, looking shocked. "But I have to clean the bathroom! I really do! Everything must be organized!" She shrieked, and then SLO broke down in tears. "I won't. I won't."

"Detective Beckett." Perlmutter said, breaking into the conversation. "I found ground up sedatives and jelly in the deceased's mouth. I think that these women are hiding something."

"So?" Screamed Beckett. "She was a stoner with a sweet tooth. What are you? Some kind of conspiracy theorist? Did you see any of these women on a grassy knoll or something?"

She whirled around to confront another sister. "Who are you?"

"I'm Bismarck Baxter. I wrote one of the best novels of my generation, but I put it all into that one book and I have nothing left to say. Being a once successful, but now failed novelist, I returned home to care for my mother in her final days. That was three years ago."

"Wait!" Castle said. "You're the famous Bismarck Baxter? You wrote Deconstructing Pandora's Box?"

"Yes, I did." Bismarck bats her eyes at Castle and takes off her top. "Have you read my book?"

"No, but I love the video game they made from it. I play strip Deconstructing Pandora's Box all the time with…"

Beckett casually stomped on Castle's foot. "What happened to your mother?" Beckett asked Bismarck.

"Like Keokuk said, she had ALS and wanted to end it all. She made a downer and jelly sandwich and decided to dive into the toilet, head first. She read about how to do it in a book, Suicide for Dummies."

Kate nodded. "Just as I suspected." She turned to the final sister. "And you are?"

"Tijuana Baxter. I'm a neo-hippy, free spirit and the real heir to my mother's life. We were soul mates. Would you like a toke? Maybe listen to the Dead? Free concert in Golden Gate Park! Far freaking out!"

Kate nodded. "Okay, so it's unanimous. We all say it's suicide."

"Detective Beckett! "Perlmutter yelled. "It is not unanimous! There are too many unanswered questions here. We need a full CSU sweep and I have to get the body back to the morgue."

"Really?" Kate said. "What we really need to do is celebrate Mary Baxter's life. Who agrees with me?"

Keokuk, San Luis Obispo, Bismarck and Tijuana all raised their hands. After a second, Castle raised his. Kate went to the bar and got the drinks. She handed them to everyone, including Perlmutter. "Drink!" She ordered.

Perlmutter took a sip and fell over.

Kate grabbed his clipboard, then took his hand and put a pen in it. Then she wrote, "Suicide all the way.", and signed Perlmutter's name to it.

"I think you spelled his name wrong." Rick said.

"Whose side are you on? Anyway, it's Perlmutter. Who's going to care?" She turned to the sisters. "Thank you ladies for your help. You have our sympathy for your loss."

"What about the doctor?" Keokuk asked.

"He'll come to in a week or two. Probably." Beckett said as she left.

When they got to Castle's car, Beckett jumped behind the wheel. "I'll drive." Twenty eight minutes later they were pulling up in front of Castle's place.

"I never would have thought to drive along the Long Island Railroad tracks like that, but I think the suspension on the car may be shot." Quickly he added. "Not that I'm complaining, mind you."

"What the hell are the local cops doing here?" Beckett growled.

"Hello, Chief Brady. What happened here?" Rick asked.

"A local meth head named Cassius McMurray shot and killed Randall Franklin. He staggered up to your pool and fell in. One of your neighbors saw him and called 911."

"What'll happen next?" Castle asked.

"Someone should get a rope." Beckett snarled. "A tall tree and a short rope is the only thing his kind understands."

Chief Brady is taken aback. "Your girlfriend is kind of…high strung."

"Let's go, Castle." Kate drags Castle inside the house and up to the master bedroom. She begins pushing a heavy dresser across the door and opening her bag to show she has food and drink for them. "There's enough to last us a week, Castle."

"But we only have the weekend."

"I called Gates and told her we'd be quarantined here for a week because of an outbreak of pneumonic plague. She won't expect us back for a while."

"Suppose she checks. "

"She won't. She only cares about deaths in the 12th Precinct." With that, Kate ripped off her own and Castle's clothes and began ravishing him. A ravishment that would last for ten days, less time for one phone call to Gates.

Meanwhile, Detective Kevin Ryan woke up in the trunk of Beckett's cruiser with his hands cuffed behind him and a gag in his mouth, wondering how he'd gotten there.