879. Chapter 879

After The Good, The Bad and The Baby

Episode 6.10

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: I own neither Castle nor Sergio Leone. Rating: K Time: See above.

The Man With No Name rode the Horse With No Name into the Town That Does Have a Name. As they passed the Town Marshal's office, the Marshal stood up and nodded to the stranger. "Morning, stranger."

The man tipped his hat politely. "Good morning, Marshal."

"I'm Marshal Wild Will Sorenson. What's your name?"

"I'm the Man With No Name." He replied.

The Marshal nodded. "Must be tough getting mail to you."

The stranger nodded slowly. "So they call you Wild Will?"

The Marshal nodded. "I'm fast."

"Good with a gun, are you?"

The Marshal blushed. "It's this little problem I have with the ladies." Quickly changing the subject, he asked. "What brings you to our town, Mister?"

"I'm looking for two men. "Tuco" Ryan and "Tuco" Esposito. Know where I can find 'em?"

The Marshall nodded. "They're out on Boot Hill."

"They're dead?" The stranger said, surprised.

"No, they live out there. Since they built that damned telephone factory, all those damned techies have been buying up old Victorian houses and fixing them up. Housing prices and rents have skyrocketed. And then the damned techies all drive to work in those damned huge white wagons."

The stranger tipped his hat and rode off towards Boot Hill. Once there, he found "Tuco" Ryan and "Tuco" Esposito. "Tuco" Ryan glared at him. "Oigame, amigo. We don' wan' no more of your stinkin' ideas for making money. The las' time you turn us in for the reward, an' they go to hang us, it took you four shots to cut the rope hanging me an' five for mi amigo."

"I'm sorry. I was distracted. A schoolmarm asked me to autograph her boobs."

"An' how come the senoritas never ask us to sign their tetas?"

"Neither of you can write." The stranger explained.

"Sure an' we won't be working wi' the likes of you anymore. Oi nearly lost me life." Tuco Esposito said.

"But I have a lead on some buried gold coins. We can all be rich." The stranger said.

Tuco and Tuco exchanged glances. "No way, Jose."

The stranger turned and rode back to town. He stopped in front of the Shortbranch Saloon and went inside. There, the saloon proprietor, Miss Katie, greeted him.

"Have a drink on the house, stranger. What's your pleasure?"

The stranger knew right away what his pleasure was, but he knew better than to mention it to Miss Katie so soon. So he just asked for Scotch and water.

"I see you have a poker game going here." The stranger said. "Think I could sit in?"

Miss Katie moved closer to him. "That's Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn and he's a very bad man. His mother was a Cleveland Indian and they say his father was some kind of bear."

The stranger looked at the card player, who did seem to be quite hirsute. "I'll just sit in for a few hands."

In half and hour the stranger had won all of the money that Vaughn had. Vaughn stood up. "You're a hell of a poker player, mister. I know because I'm a hell of a poker player and I can't even tell how you're cheating."

The saloon became deathly quiet. The stranger looked at Vaughn. "I wasn't cheating."

"I say you were, so get up, leave the money here or go for your gun."

The stranger stood up.

"Vaughn, I don't want any trouble here." Miss Katie said.

"There'll be no trouble if he just leaves and the money stays."

Miss Katie nodded. "You aren't going to leave, are you, Man With No name."

The stranger shook his head.

Vaughn turned pale and lost control of his bowels and bladder. "He's The Man With No Name? He'll kill me."

"Yup" Said the stranger.

"How fast are you?" Vaughn asked.

"Want to see the fastest draw in the West?"

"Yes."

"Want to see it again?"

"That was fast. "Vaughn said.

The stranger went to the bar. "Can I buy you a glass of wine, Miss Katie?"

Before Miss Katie could reply, another man came into the Shortbranch Saloon. "Hello, Miss Katie."

"Bracken! What do you want?" Miss Katie snapped.

"I just bought your father's share of the Shortbranch Saloon for a wagon load of whiskey. That gives me a controlling interest in the saloon. So, I'm closing the saloon and turning it into the headquarters for my run for Territorial Governor. "He raised his voice." I promise to run all of the sodbusters off of the land."

"But the sodbusters are the majority of the voters." The stranger said.

"I plan to build a wall to keep the sodbusters out on election day. And remember, everyone, vote early and often for Wild Bill Bracken."

Realizing she was beaten for now, Miss Katie went to the bar and got a bottle of red wine down from behind the bar.

"I offered to buy you a drink." The stranger said.

"Thanks, stranger. I really need one. This saloon is all I have since my mother was murdered. Was all I had." She said bitterly.

"Miss Katie, I have a lead on some buried gold coins. Confederate raiders hijacked a shipment of them from California and tried to get them back East to the Confederacy. But, Union troops were hot on their trail and they hid the gold. Only one confederate survived the battle and knew where the gold was hidden. That man, Crazy Tom Demming, told me they hid the gold in a cemetery near here someplace. However, he was tortured to death by the deadliest gang in all the West, Los Raiders de Oakland, before he could tell me exactly where. Now you're from around here, so I'll give you fifty percent of the gold if you help me. What do you say?"

Miss Katie looked around. "I have nothing left, so I have nothing to lose. Let me go get changed."

One half an hour later, Miss Katie came out dressed in a skin tight black gunfighter's outfit and a new hairstyle. Oddly, she wore a black corset over her other clothing.

"Do you always wear your undergarments on the outside?" The Stranger asked.

"Smile when you say that, Stranger."

The Stranger did smile and repeated the question, but got no response.

"There's only one cemetery that was around during the Civil War. And it's not too far from here. We'll be there tomorrow."

The next day, after the Stranger found out a lot more about Miss Katie's undergarments, they arrived at the cemetery. Someone was also there.

"It's Doc Harley Davidson." Said Miss Katie. "Let me handle this." She turned to Doc and narrowed her lovely hazel eyes. "You'd better leave, Doc."

Doc laughed. "Who's going to make me leave? You? The Man With No name?"

"No, me!" Cried a new voice.

"Alexis!" The Man With No Name cried. "And where did you get that skin tight black gunfighter's outfit? Are you wearing a bra, young lady?"

"Daddy, I've told you not to play with guns before. You're not mature enough to handle them."

"And you are?" The Stranger, Doc and Miss Katie said at once.

"I've invented the machine gun which makes your pistols obsolete. Now, Doc, get on your horse and leave, or else."

Doc looked at the redhead and her machine gun and left.

"Now, Daddy, Miss Katie, this gold does not belong to us. We'll give it back to the US Government and we'll get a reward of ten percent. With the money, Miss Katie and I will open a school. Daddy, you'll teach creative writing and write successful penny dreadfuls about a beautiful lady gunfighter and we'll all live happily ever after. Understand?"

And they all lived happily ever after.

Author's note: I've always wondered why SK wore a corset on the outside of her clothing both in the black gunfighter's outfit and the white dress she wore in the final scenes.