884. Chapter 884

After Smells Like Teen Spirit

Episode 6.15

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: No cows were injured in the making of this fanfic. Rating: K time: See above.

The operation began precisely at midnight. George Pine, the smallest, but most limber of the team, easily scaled the chain link fence and used a pilfered key to unlock the gate. Aaron Brougham, the best driver of the team, drove through the narrow gate without scratching the truck and drove to the back of the building, all with the lights out. Aaron and David Collins jumped from the truck's cab and ran to the back, opening the rear door and putting up the wooden ramp they had brought. The acknowledged leader of the team, Rick Rodgers, stepped out and smiled.

"All right, men. Operation Bovine is a go." He said. Aaron and David ran up the ramp and began to slowly herd the somewhat confused cow down the ramp. Meanwhile, George, using another pilfered key, opened the back door to Faircroft Prep.

Rick led the cow down the hallway to the stairs.

"It would be a lot easier if the school had an elevator." Aaron said.

"An elevator, Mr. Brougham?" Rick said, mimicking Principal Duncan's manners and voice. "Faircroft men don't use elevators. Elevators are for weaklings. Faircroft men are strong, physically, mentally and morally. Of course in my day, we didn't have stairs. We leapt from floor to floor. You young men today have it so easy."

The other boys laughed.

"Old Dummykins is going to freak when he finds the cow on the roof." George said. "Really freak."

Rick nodded happily. "Oh, freaking will just be the start, my friend. Just the start of a wonderful lead up to prom. Wait until you hear what I have planned for the after prom party."

Conversation was limited after that. Moving a frightened cow up four flights of stairs and onto a roof is not easy or quick. But, after four hours the cow was on the roof, safely tied up so that it wouldn't fall off the roof.

Rick patted the cow on its head. "Thank you for your cooperation. I'm sure I'm not overstating things when I say we couldn't have done this without you. And don't worry, I'm sure our good principal will have you down in a jiffy and have you back providing milk in no time."

The four boys walked back down the stairs and out into the parking lot. When they got to the truck, bright lights came on and two NYPD officers were looking at them. "You should have remembered to close the back gate to the school, dumbasses. That sort of thing draws the attention of cops."

The police were happy to accept Duncan's request to have the prank handled in house by Faircroft. The four boys were not so sure they liked the idea.

Duncan glared at them. "The first thing you miscreants will do is get that cow down off the roof and do it now." The four just sat there. "Now!" Duncan growled. Led by Rick, they headed for the roof.

An hour later, they had to admit defeat. "Principal Duncan, the cow won't move."

"What do you mean it won't move?"

Rick thought the sentence was fairly clear, but refrained from saying so. George spoke. "I think that now that the cow is headed downwards, she can see that she can fall and is panicking. We've been trying to move her but she just won't go. And we're afraid if we try to use enough force to shove her down, she might panic some more and go over the railing and…"

"Splat." Rick added, unnecessarily.

"How do you propose that I get the cow down from the roof?" Duncan said, angrily.

Rick had a short speech he'd thought up on the spur of the moment about how a true Faircroft man would never be daunted by a mere cow on the roof problem, but wisely kept quiet.

In the end, Duncan had to hire a crane to remove the cow. Regrettably, the crane began its work just as the students were breaking for lunch and they all gathered outside to watch and comment. Worse, the cow on the roof attracted the attention of the local news media. Three TV stations set up cameras to cover the breaking news story. Principal Duncan managed to keep them off of the school grounds and told the students not to talk to the press, but in addition to the local news, one of the national news programs picked up the story. It was a sad day for the reputation of Faircroft Prep.

The next morning, Rick Rodgers was standing alone in front of Principal Duncan's desk.

"Mr. Rodgers, we have been unable to reach your mother, who apparently has a part in some motion picture being shot in the wilds of the deserts of California. However, her presence would not change my decision. Mr. Rodgers, you are not Faircroft Preparatory Academy material as you have demonstrated from the very first day you began here. I have decided to expel you from Faircroft, as of now."

"You're expelling me?" Rick squealed.

"Yes! Now go." Duncan pointed dramatically to his door. "And never return."

Outside the school, Rick found his three friends. "What happened?" George asked.

"I got expelled." Rick said. "How about you guys?"

"We got probation." David said.

"Wait! I got expelled and you guys only got probation? That's not fair."

David shrugged. "My dad's a partner with Hayes and Grau, and everyone knows he'll sue at the drop of a hat."

George shook his head. "My family paid for the renovation of the library. They aren't going to kick me out. And Aaron's dad is a City Councilman. And you've been butting heads with Duncan since you got here. Plus you're family isn't rich or famous or well connected. Sorry, Rick."

Rick found Audra Dobson sitting at the bus stop. She had allowed her school skirt to slide up her long, smooth legs and her blouse was tighter than school regulations allowed.

"Hi, Audra."

"Hi, Ricky. What happened?"

Rick sat down beside her. "I got expelled, which means that I can't take you to the prom. But, we can go to a movie and have dinner afterwards. Okay?"

Audra shook her head. "Rick, I really want to go to the prom. And….You're a really fun guy and all that, Ricky, but you're just not a serious person. I'm graduating and going to Sarah Lawrence next year. I have to start acting like an adult."

"You're breaking up with me?"

Audra nodded.

Rick stood up and looked down at her. "I'm not going to act like an adult if it means never having any fun." With that Rick Rodgers walked away from Audra Dobson and Faircroft Prep.

Kate Beckett kissed her fiancé. "So that's the whole story of the cow on the roof."

Rick nodded. "Every bit of it."

"I'm glad you didn't go with Audra Dobson. What would have happened if you'd stopped having fun? You'd never have made things fun for me. I'd be just like I was when you met me."

"Maybe I should write a thank you note to Audra?"

"Don't even think about it."