1022. Chapter 1022

After The Time of Our Lives

Episode 7.06

By

UCSBdad

Disclaimer: For the thousandth time, at least, I don't own Castle. Rating: K Time: See above.

Ryan let them know at once. "Castle, tell your ex that I did not do my tour in vice undercover as a pimp, riding around in a chauffeured purple Cadillac, wearing an ankle length mink coat with a matching hat. And I certainly did not sample all of the young ladies I employed! And no one calls me Pimp Daddy in the precinct."

"Who said you did?" Castle asked, wondering what had happened. "Meredith's play never mentioned anyone here."

"Oh, yeah?" Esposito snarled. "We know what the Muse's Irish Partner didn't do. And we also know that the Muse's Dusky Partner was a freaking Special Forces sniper in Iraq. I was not a cook found hiding under a pile of MREs in Kuwait. I was a combat soldier, dammit."

"We were at Meredith's play on Saturday…."Kate began.

"It seems that Sally Stupid, or whatever her name is, has a good dozen hours of crap to talk about. She did a whole different show on Sunday night. Ryan's mom went to see it since she knew it was about Castle and his ex. News flash!" Espo yelled. "Mrs. Ryan is not a fan."

Castle began apologizing. "Guys, there's nothing I can do. We're not married and even if we were, it's technically fiction. It's free speech, guys. Look, we weren't any happier than you are about how she portrayed us. She insinuated that the Author, that's me, cheated on her. She said the Muse, that's Kate trapped me into marrying her. She acted like she was the Best Mother Ever with Alexis when she was hardly ever around, and she insulted my mom."

Before anyone could say anything else, Captain Gates stuck her head out of her office. "Detective Beckett! My office. Now!"

Gates slammed the door as soon as Kate was inside. No one could hear what was being said, but it was clear that Gates was angry. Very angry.

Finally, Kate came out and sat at her desk. The three men gathered around her.

"What happened?" Her husband finally asked.

"The Wicked Witch of Internal Affairs was not pleased with how she was portrayed last night. It seems several people from One PP saw the show and couldn't wait to tell her all about it."

The phone rang and Kate grabbed it. She took down some information on a piece of paper and hung up.

"We have one to roll on. Murder in the Village."

"Thank God." Castle muttered. "Oh, crap. I can't believe I just said that."

"I agree." Kate said, grabbing her coat. "Thank God."

Luckily, the murder investigation was rather routine. The killer, who had shot his ex-girlfriend, was found two blocks away in his favorite bar, drowning his sorrows. By the end of the day, Ryan and Esposito were back on speaking terms with Rick and Kate.

Once back at the loft, Rick put his arms around his wife. "Thank god that's over."

"I can't wait for Meredith to get the hell out of town." Kate replied.

"At least we've seen the last of our problems with her damned show."

Tuesday proved that this was not the case.

"Heads up." Kate whispered to Castle as they got off the elevator and headed for Kate's desk. "Ellis, Karpowski and Lanie are waiting for us. From the looks on their faces, they didn't come to join the Richard Castle fan club."

"We could make a run for it." Rick whispered back.

"No, we can't."

Tory Ellis spoke before anyone else could. "Castle, I may be the IT girl, but I'm not the "it girl." I've never made internet porn, either behind the camera or in front of it."

Castle tried to speak, but was cut off by Karpowski.

"And I'm not referred to as "Immediate Occupancy" Detective K." Roz said angrily. "My asshole ex and his loud, lying mouth told everyone that I'd slept with half the force. It's taken me years to put those damned rumors in the past. And now I have to go through this again?"

Lanie pushed her face into Castle's. "You can tell your ex that if she wants to know what really goes on in my morgue, she should come on in. I have a steel table and some scalpels all ready for her."

"Ladies, what do you expect me to do?" Castle asked, whining slightly.

"Stop her from spreading those lies about us, Writer Boy. That's what." Lanie snarled.

"She's a fictional character called Sandy Stardust and I'm sure no one has been mentioned by name. There's nothing I can do."

"Call your damned lawyers." Karpowski demanded. "That's what you pay them for, isn't it?"

Castle actually thought that was a good idea. He called his lawyers and carefully explained the problem.

"Sorry, Rick. There's nothing you can do. No one has been identified as a real person, they're just a figment of your exe's imagination. It's free speech."

"Thanks a lot. I was expecting that."

"Um, Rick There is one thing?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Do you and Kate really fill the hot tub in the Hamptons with whipped cream, get twenty gallons of chocolate…."

Castle hung up.

"You told Meredith about that?" Kate screamed. Then realized she had just confirmed something she didn't want to confirm.

"Whipped cream and chocolate?" Ryan said. "Interesting."

"That might be interesting." Ellis said. "Maybe we could drown Meredith that way."

Kate shook her head, anxious to change the subject. "I can't understand how Meredith could find out about people in the precinct. She was just here the one time, long ago and she and I have never…." Kate stopped. A horrible idea was forming in her mind.

"Oh, no. Josh."

"How did your ex find out about this?" Esposito demanded.

Kate shook her head sadly. "Josh was always jealous of Castle since I was with him so much of the time. Josh even thought Rick and I were sleeping together. We had some bad arguments about that. So, after a while, when Josh would ask how my day went, I wouldn't say anything about Castle. But I would talk about the other people in the precinct. Josh must have told Meredith about all of you and she….You know." Kate ended guiltily.

"This is all your fault?" Lanie yelled.

"No!" Castle yelled back. "This is not Kate's fault. It's Meredith's."

The argument stopped suddenly when the elevator doors opened disclosing Dr. Sydney Perlmutter.

"There you are, Mr. Castle. I was hoping to find you here. Please thank the enormously talented former Mrs. Castle for me when next you see her."

"Thank her? Why?"

"Her play spotlighted my physical prowess. I'm off to show two young ladies the Perlmutter Experience." He laughed. "My phone has been ringing off the hook since that play." He checked his watch. "Well, ta-ta."

"The Perlmutter Experience?" Lanie muttered.

"I don't believe it." Ryan said.

"Hey! Kate and I have to go interview a witness." Castle said quickly, grabbing Kate's elbow.

"What witness?" Demanded Esposito.

"The only survivor of the Perlmutter Experience." Castle called over his shoulder.

The next three weeks passed slowly with the occasional friend of Rick or of Kate's calling to complain about how they'd been portrayed by Meredith. They did their best to apologize and explain why they could do nothing.

Then, one night as Rick and Kate were just about to begin dinner, there was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it." Rick said, heading for the door. He opened it to find his ex-wife and her new husband standing there. "Meredith." He said coldly.

Meredith ignored the tone and walked into the loft, followed by Josh.

"Kitten, I have bad news, good news and bad news."

"Oh?" Rick said disinterestedly.

"The first bad news is that my play is closing. It's a huge hit, of course, but the theater is booked for some stupid revival of A Streetcar Named Desire. I tried to get them to let me stay there, but all they think about is money and their stupid contracts. And there's just no other theater available."

"Closing?" Rick said, suppressing a smile.

"But there's good news. Production on Joshy's film, Into Africa, starts next week. We're leaving for LA tonight."

"You're going back to LA?" Kate said, not bothering to hide her smile.

"And the other bad news is that they won't cast me as Joshy's love interest in the film. The part went to Ellie Monroe, although why they'd cast her when they have an actor of my caliber available is beyond me."

"I'm being played a guy named Gabriel Winters." Josh managed to get in.

"Oh, yes. Mister Winters starred in some cult science fiction show. I'm not sure if it was that Joss Whedon thing or not. But those cult shows always have the most fascinating actors and the most loyal fans." Meredith quickly kissed Rick and air kissed Kate.

"Bye now." And she was out the door and gone.

"Ellie Monroe?" Kate said. "Didn't she sleep with you to get the part of Nikki Heat?"

Rick nodded. "One of the dumber things I've ever done. And she was sleeping with Howard Weisberg, the network president, at the same time she was chasing me. From what I hear, that's her MO for getting parts."

"You know, Gabriel Winters isn't exactly celibate either. You don't suppose that Ellie would go after Josh and Gabriel would go after Meredith….."

Rick followed Kate's train of thought. "And if that happened, Meredith could end up single again with no sugar daddy to support her and only her one woman play to fall back on. And that would lead her…."

"Back to you." Kate finished,

Rick headed for his office. "I have some friends at Monarch Studios. Let me just give them a call and see if I can head off any problems."

"I hope so." Kate said quietly. "I hope so."

Author's note: Next will be the third part of After Much Ado About Murder, set in Renaissance Italy. As I have not quite two thousand words written and the first two parts went on for some thirty thousand words each, this could take a while. But, who knows. Inspiration may strike me to write a short Caskett story. Or not.