28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Castle had just emerged from the bathroom, freshly showered and shaved about the time Kate woke up.

"Help me to the bathroom?" she requested, and he did…reluctantly shoving aside his tendency to be overzealous in helping, and allowing her to do as much as possible on her own.

"How long have I been here?" she asked as they walked.

"This is day five."

"Rick, why don't you go home and get some sleep in a real bed? I'm sure Martha and Alexis would stay with me for a while, and Kenny and Justine are great. They'll take good care of me."

"When I go home, I'm taking you with me. Until then, I'm here."

"You're being unreasonable."

"Go on. Do what you need to do, then we can talk. If you need… Never mind. I'll wait out here and be available for the heavy door."

She tugged at his shirt gently to get him to bend slightly and kissed his cheek appreciatively. "Thank you."

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked as they walked back. "I know I get carried away now and then. Is it too much…having me here every waking moment? You can tell me if it is. I won't be insulted." He paused a moment and grinned. "I promise not to try to pee for you or anything."

Kate grinned back. "I get grumpy sometimes. You've been really sweet about that."

"I think you've earned the right to be grumpy now and then. So would it help you be less grumpy if I went home for a while? I'll go if you want some space."

After he helped her ease back into the bed, she asked, "You really don't want to go, do you?"

He shook his head.

"It's comforting having you here. I just feel guilty that you have to sleep in an uncomfortable chair and eat hospital cafeteria food…and be trapped in this room…and apparently have to dodge reporters…"

"Hey, I still get the easy part. You're the one recovering from a sniper bullet…and with a lot of grace and courage, I might add. I'm so impressed with your strength…always have been." He gently sat down on the side of the bed on her good side. "Is there anything I can do…anything I can get you that would help you feel better?"

"Not much. Everything between my waist and my shoulders hurts, when I move…and it hurts to take a deep breath. I'm sick of this thing in my nose…and having an IV follow me everywhere. And I'm soooooo jealous of your showers. You're all clean and I just feel…icky. The little bird baths Justine gives me don't leave me feeling clean for more than a few minutes. I splashed some water on my face and dried it…mostly. One handed doesn't work too well." She stopped her rant for a moment before picking it up again. "And I want clean hair. That shower cap thing with the waterless shampoo wasn't much help. It still feels gross." She looked over at him and said, "See? Not much you can do."

Castle kissed her hand in sympathy, then he leaned over to pick up his iPad to check online. After scrolling down the page he found, he said excitedly, "Look at this." And he showed her a picture of an inflatable sink sort of contraption designed to be used for bedridden patients. "That should work. I could at least wash your hair. Don't know about a shower, though. The incisions…"

"I'll settle for bird baths and clean hair. At least I've had a couple of clean hospital gowns."

"Let me call Mother. Alexis has her last exam this morning and she and Mother are coming to see you after that. I know where there's a home care medical supply store. We used to pass it when I'd pick Alexis up from school. I went in once out of curiosity…thought it might provide useful information if one of my characters needed such things. You wouldn't believe the things they have." Checking his iPad again, he said. "Good. It's still there."

Kate watched her husband's excitement and smiled as he put his plans together.

"Mother can pick one up if they have it…or find out where to get one if they don't. Maybe they can bring one when they come."

She may have something else to do, you know."

"No. She's cleared her schedule for a couple of weeks to be around for Alexis…and you. She loves you, Kate. All we have to do is ask. She's willing. Or it's something your dad could do if he wants. They're all in the same house. They'll figure it out for us. And maybe we could manage to shower your lower half. But they probably wouldn't want us to do that."

"Do we have to tell them? Can't we be sneaky and try it? I hurt anyway. I might as well feel clean while I do."

Her sound of desperation brought a chuckle from her husband. "I know you're still in pain, and we'd have to take the IV. It would be an interesting shower."

"Please?"

"Let me think about how. We know we can at least get your hair clean." Then Castle was on the phone and talking to Martha, giving her details, texting a link, and making suggestions that included Jim. He was assured they would arrive with what he needed, and he turned to his wife looking very pleased with himself.

"You are less than half a day from clean hair, and maybe…no promises, less than two hours from at least half a shower, but we should wait until the doctor has been here on rounds. And we'll figure out how to make the other half of you feel cleaner."

"You're amazing."

"Yeah, you're lucky on that score, right?" he teased with a self-satisfied grin. Watching her face, he said, "I'm also safe. You can't grab my ear or throw something at me 'cause you'd hurt yourself."

She just smiled at him. "Don't even want to. I love you, Richard Castle."

"I love you, too, Mrs Castle."

"The incisions are healing well, your breathing well." Kate's doctor told her when he came in later. "Looks like you're handling the mobility well. Are you doing your PT…the breathing…"

"Faithfully," Kate assured him, and Castle nodded in agreement.

"I'd like to keep you here another couple of days to be on the safe side, get another x-ray, run a couple of tests to be sure; but I think we can consider letting you go home after that. You've made a lot of progress in the last few days."

"So I could go home day after tomorrow?"

"As long as nothing new surfaces, probably no longer than the day after that. We'll see."

"Thank you, Doctor. We're both anxious to get home," Castle said.

"We just want to be sure your wife is ready for that, Mr. Castle."

"Of course," Castle answered, reaching to shake his hand. "And until then, you're stuck with both of us."

"Worse things have happened," the doctor responded with a smile and shook Castle's hand. "See you tomorrow," he said to Kate, and she nodded as he left.

Kenny was there soon after the doctor left. He was planning to change the bandages, but Castle stopped him. "Could you wait until later for that?" he asked. "And maybe find us a couple of extra towels and a wash cloth...and a clean hospital gown. Kate really wants a bath, and I'd like to help her with it. I know you have other patients to attend to. I have more time than you do. Would you change the dressings after she feels cleaner?"

"I don't mind doing that, but I thought Justine..."

"She's doing everything she's supposed to, but have you ever gone several days on bird baths?" Kate asked. "I never feel entirely clean. There's no substitute for real soap and water. "I'll make sure he doesn't make a mess," she promised with a smile.

"Sure. I can do that. Be right back." He left and returned with towels, a wash cloth, a fresh gown, and a mildly concerned look.

"You showed him how to change the bandages and let him change the big one under your supervision, and you've seen him help me out of the bed and across the room. Have you seen him do anything that looked even vaguely like he might not be cautious with me?" Kate asked. "The worst that's likely to happen is that the sheets get wet and have to be changed."

"They're due for that anyway," Kenny conceded.

"And, Kenny… Could you keep this between us? The people standing watch at the door…they're all people we work with…people we trust, who care about us. They all know we're married and have seen each other naked, but to know it's happening on the other side of the door, just behind their backs… That could be awkward for all of us. My wife has earned every ounce of the full respect she commands on the job. You haven't seen her in action, but it's an awesome sight; and I don't want it tested if a little gossip about her husband and a bath is carelessly mentioned at the precinct. This is only for her comfort and peace of mind, not…"

"I get it, Mr. Castle. Not a word."

"So we can have some privacy for a little while?"

"Yeah. I get that, too. I'll be sure to knock first when I come back,"

"Thank you." Castle extended his hand, and Kenny shook it. A small show of respect between them.

When Kenny went back to the nurse's station, where he knew the officers at the door across from them could probably hear some of their conversation, the word "bath" wasn't mentioned; but he looked like he had something on his mind. Another nurse at the station watched him work for a few minutes before she finally asked, "Anything wrong? Is everything okay with Mrs. Castle?"

"What? Oh, yeah. She's fine. Well, as fine as she can be right now. It's the two of them…the way they take care of each other. He could go home where it's comfortable…sleep in a bed…relax…then come for long visits, but he won't leave her. She should be worrying about getting better, but she's after him to go get something to eat or get some sleep at home for a little while…to take care of himself. They joke and tease and gripe at each other, or about each other; but…I don't know. There's something there you don't usually see."

"You mean they're really in love?" the woman teased, faking a swooning look.

Kenny grinned at her antics, swatted her arm, and then looked serious again. "It's more than that. He has so much respect for her. Maybe that's it. They have that kind of respect for each other…as well as being so in love." He copied her fake swoon, then he paused and chuckled. "I'm learning a lot from being around them. My girlfriend is gonna be glad I met them."

"Maybe I should offer my boyfriend to help out in there for a while," the woman answered with a grin.

Answering the sound from the call button in one of the rooms, Kenny said, "Be right there." Then turning back to his colleague, he said, "Gonna go see what Mrs. Yates wants. I wish she had somebody like Mr. Castle. She's such a sweetheart."

Castle went to the side of the bed to be there when Kate got up. At this point, though, his independent wife was insisting on doing most of the work herself, and he was there more for back-up. It took a little longer; but she approached it as a personal challenge, and he wouldn't take that from her. That independent drive would be her saving grace in getting back to normal eventually.

Once she was standing, he asked conspiratorily, "Are you ready for your secret shower?" and dropped a gentle little kiss on her lips.

"Sorry it can't be one of those showers we really enjoy," she answered, returning his kiss.

While he was standing close enough to kiss her, he carefully reached behind her, under her hospital gown, and squeezed one cheek. "Don't worry about that," he assured her as he patted the other one. "We'll get back to that when you're up to it. But you didn't seriously think I'd do this without copping a few feels, did you? Taking care of me, too, remember?"

"It didn't occur to me that you'd want to," she answered quietly, looking down. "I'm not too desirable right now."

"Have more faith in me, Kate…and in yourself. I hope you're not thinking I'd…" He paused a moment and took a deep breath. "Not gonna happen. You're still you, and I still want to touch you. I just don't want it to hurt you when I do. And think about it. Would I be groping you if I didn't still think you're desirable?"

She leaned her forehead against his shoulder; and when he gently lifted her chin to kiss her, he found tears sliding down her cheeks.

"I didn't mean to make you cry. Did I say something wrong? I meant it all as…

"Happy tears. You said all the things I needed to hear. And I wasn't suggesting... I…" Kate seemed to have run out of words.

"Does that mean I can still cop a couple of feels?" he asked with his little smirk.

"If this still interests you," she answered, sniffling and waving her hand toward herself, "I sure don't have any objections."

"Well, now that that's all settled, let's go find me some opportunities," he answered with appropriate eye-brow wiggling. He picked up the gown and the bath paraphernalia from the foot of the bed as they ambled slowly across the room. Then he took his wife into the bathroom, closed the door, and positioned her where she could safely lean against it if needed as he quickly stripped out of his clothes, leaving them where they wouldn't get wet.

"I really wish I could help you with that," Kate told him, watching him undress.

"We'll put it on your list of goals. We can start one later if you want. It can be really long…full of little things you can have fun checking off."

She smiled, getting into the spirit of the semi-illicit shower and his silly list of goals. "Yeah. That sounds good. Let's start with the shower and the hair washing. Then we'll have something to cross off today." He grinned as he adjusted the temperature of the water. Going to meet her before allowing her to walk over to the now wet tiles, he removed her gown and what she referred to as "the stupid hospital socks," he took the towel from his shower that morning, and dropped it on the floor for her to walk on to get closer to the shower area.

"Come on," he teased. "Shuffle on over here and let's get you feeling clean."

Castle was careful, but still made the bath feel like a game. He got his body wash from the shelf and lathered his wife up to barely above her waist with the soap and washcloth, playing a little bit with that, too, then leisurely sprayed it off as she groaned in satisfaction. He then had her sit on the toilet seat, and he washed her upper half with enough soap and water to make her feel that she'd had a bath, but skirted her bandages as much as possible. After rinsing the soapy parts of him quickly, he dried both of them and helped her into her fresh hospital gown and the non-skid socks and put his clothes back on.

"I can't get used to the shower not having a curtain or wall or anything," he commented as they left the room. "It's like a big shower with a toilet and sink and hamper in it. Weird."

"I don't care. I feel clean…except my hair."

"You kind of smell like me," he commented with one of his little smirks.

"Yeah. Well, as the doctor said, "Worse things have happened."

"Are you tired?"

"Exhausted. Something else for the list. Take a shower without being exhausted from it."

"Why don't you try to take a nap before Mother and Alexis get here?" he asked as he stood by while she maneuvered herself back into the bed.

"Won't be a problem," she assured him.

He put the oxygen cannula back in place and then resituated the IV as she found a position where she could rest. "It's time for pain medicine, isn't it? He asked. "You're not using it as often as you should, you know."

"Probably. But I hate that I need it. Would you do the honors?"

"Sure. Then I'll clean up in the bathroom before I let Kenny know the coast is clear."

"I think he looks up to you."

"For what? I don't remember doing anything impressive since I've been here."

"That's part of the reason it's impressive, Rick. You don't even know you're doing it. It's just being you." She took a deep breath, made a face when it hurt, and closed her eyes. "Thank you for the shower. I feel so much better…all things considered."

"Any time."

"And for keeping me from being all mopey and wallowing in self-pity." There was a little smile on her lips, but her eyes never opened.

Castle smiled, kissed her head, and went to clean up the evidence of a shower. The floor was cursorily dried, and towels were hung on the grab bars, then he got his phone and closed himself in to call his mother with another couple of items to add to the list of things to bring, After checking to see that Kate had fallen asleep as quickly as it looked like she would, he took orders from the two uniforms at the door, spoke to Kenny quietly, and went to treat himself to a good cup of coffee…feeling pleased with his morning's work.

When Kate woke up, Castle was writing again. She watched until he stopped and stretched, then said, sleepily, "Hey. You look busy."

"I finished my chapter while you were sleeping. I'll let it sit a while then take another look at it."

"Do I get to read it?"

"Right now, you get anything you want. Do you really want to forgo the surprise?"

"Maybe."

"You were a big help last summer. Why don't we wait until we're home? It's something we can sit down and do together."

"Can we start my list right now?"

"Let me get the other notebook. I haven't used that one yet." He leaned over the chair arm, dragged his bag over to retrieve the notebook, and asked mischievously. "Do we start with the hair washing or you helping undress me?"

She smiled. His mischief, as usual was contagious. "Let's start with something we can check off today."

They got a few items on the list before Martha, Jim, and Alexis all came in together for a visit, not planning to stay long. Each of them had a shopping bag with things that would contribute to clean hair. Alexis had gathered Kate's shampoo and conditioner, along with her hair dryer and, on a whim, had included her body wash, and lotion. Martha had the inflatable contraption, and Jim had a five gallon bucket, a short hose, and a small pitcher. There was an obvious family effort to make Kate feel better.

When they came in, Castle and Kate were talking, and Castle was writing things down.

When the greetings were done, Alexis asked, "What are you doing?"

"Making a list of things I want to be able to do again so I can start checking things off," Kate answered.

"We're going to make it really long with lots of little things to check off. So far we have clean hair as number one, and to be able to wash her hair herself, to get rid of the IV, to get rid of the oxygen, and to go home."

"I like the last one," Martha commented.

"Me, too," Alexis echoed. "Can we help?"

"Sure. I'm gonna love checking things off." She looked at Castle. "How could I have forgotten? Add drinking coffee." Everybody in the room laughed.

The others started adding things…some silly and some good goals broken into small pieces. As Castle wrote, Alexis unpacked the box Martha had picked up for them. "Looks like somebody has to blow it up," she announced.

"Here, Richard," Martha said, handing the item to her son. "Put some of that hot air to a useful purpose." Castle reacted in mock affront while Jim walked to the chair and took the notebook and pen.

"I'll write. You inflate the sink," he said, amused at the entire process.

Castle vacated the chair to let Jim take over and then started blowing up what turned out to be a soft version of a sink to catch the water, with a section cut out to make a neck rest, and there was a drain with a removable plug.

"This thing looks like it might actually work," Alexis said in surprise.

"I can't wait," Kate answered.

"What did you do this morning?" Martha asked. "Anything exciting to tell us?"

"I figured out how to give Kate a half shower, half bath so she'd feel better. Clean hair ought to be the icing…"

"I don't think my brain needed that thought," Alexis interrupted.

"Mine, either," Jim agreed.

Kate groaned, and Martha just laughed.

"Castle, we forgot taking a shower without being exhausted. Add that one, Dad," Kate said. "The what-happened-this-morning answer for general company, Martha, is that the doctor said I might be able to go home in a couple of days. Might," she emphasized. "I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I'll be really disappointed if I can't."

"We all will, Darling," Martha answered, and there were sounds of agreement from the others.

Castle was looking from the "sink" he had just blown up to the box on the foot of Kate's bed. "Jim, you might as well add getting this thing back into that little box when she's better," he remarked.

Kate's lunch was delivered, then all the visitors left and Castle took care of all the things on the lunch tray that required two hands, leaving Kate to handle it from there. She insisted.

"I miss the moments of measured chaos," Kate said with a soft smile when she and Castle were alone again. "Dad seems to enjoy it, too. It's good for both of us to have more family."

"It's been good for us, too."

Looking at his notebook while his wife ate her lunch, Castle smiled. "Our list grew pretty fast. If the whole family is looking at it, I guess we can't include having you help me undress."

"That would probably gross Alexis out."

"Yeah. And make your dad want brain bleach." Picking up his notebook and pen, he said, "Of course, I could go to the back of the book and put it on a new list that we can keep in our room…just for us."

"Do that. And letting Rick get to second base."

"I think we might check that off today. I took a few liberties in the shower," he said with a grin.

"And you were so careful it hardly counted. Not what I had in mind."

"Okay. I'm leaving that for you check off today and adding letting Rick really get to second base for later. We'll think of lots of other things, and I'll type them up when we get home. We can post the family list on the refrigerator, with the understanding that you get the honor of doing the actual checking. We'll keep the other one in the nightstand…for our eyes only."

"I like that. I'll be so glad to get home. I know I'll still hurt for a while, but I want to go home." Kate's eyes were blinking closed now and then.

"That visit wore you out, didn't it?" Castle asked.

"A little bit."

"Then just doze a little while. I might take a little nap, too. Hair washing later." He pulled his chair up next to her bed and they both slept lightly until Kenny knocked before coming in to change the bandages.

"Where did you get that?" Kenny asked, immediately recognizing the inflatable sink. "I haven't seen one of those in a while."

"I looked online and sent the family on a mission. They brought everything I need to wash Kate's hair – carefully, I promise."

"Shampoo cap didn't do it for you, either, huh?" Kenny asked as he worked on the bandages.

"No," Kate answered uncategorically and without further explanation.

"And she has a perfectly good husband available to help out. Might as well make use of him."

"It's never good to leave this one with nothing to do," she teased with a loving look in Castle's direction.

Kenny smiled, appearing to understand the both the love in the teasing and Castle's desire to do something for his wife. When he left, he reminded Castle this was one of the days he wasn't originally scheduled to work. "If you need any help, let me know. I'm just pitching in out here when things get crazy."

"Thanks. I will." Castle answered. After the door closed, he turned to his wife and said, "I know you're not comfortable lying completely flat, but the bed needs to be pretty close to flat. We'll have to figure out how work around that." He said as he picked up the bucket and took it to fill in the bathroom. He placed it beside the bed, put the little pitcher on the bedside table, and asked, "Ready?"

"Do what you have to do. I only need to be okay enough to get through a few minutes."

"And you get to smell like you again. Alexis brought your shampoo and conditioner," he answered as he lowered the upper half of the bed. He raised the height of the bed to reach her easily, helped Kate get situated, got the "sink", and gently slipped the opening under her neck. With lots of scooping and pouring of water, he finally rinsed the last of the shampoo and conditioner out of her hair, then wrapped a small, thirsty towel Alexis had also brought from home around Kate's head and carefully removed the sink from under her head. Not entirely trusting the position of the sink, he called Kenny to help him empty the water back into the bucket.

"Feel better, Mrs. Castle?" the nurse asked. "I'll take care of this," he told Castle, picking up the bucket.

"Sooooo much better," Kate answered, sounding very satisfied as she moved the head of the bed to a more acceptable position.

As the nurse emptied the water, Castle plugged in the hair dryer and went to work.

"You look like you know what you're doing," Kenny commented.

"Single dad for a long time," Castle explained. "She's grown now, but that took a while. In between, I learned a lot of things I didn't think I'd ever need when I was your age."

"I don't know if I could do that."

"You play the cards you're dealt. I wouldn't give up that time with my daughter for anything, though. Totally worth it."

"And he's a great dad."

Wouldn't surprise me a bit," the nurse answered." I'll be back a little later and change the sheets.

When her hair was dry, Kate thanked her husband. "That feels sooooo much better. Best husband ever."

"That was easier than I thought. We can do it again whenever you want." He leaned and dropped a little kiss on her lips.

Kate made another trip to the bathroom and wanted to sit in the recliner again; so Castle helped her adjust it, settled himself on the bed, and they talked for a while. He told her Esposito had sent a text saying he and Ryan and Lanie would stop by after dinner.

"It's gonna be nice to see the boys. Anything new about the shooter?" she asked.

"Nothing they've told me. They've been working on anything that could have even a vague connection. They want this guy bad."

"Roy must…" She stopped completely. "Roy. Oh, my god, Rick. Roy…"

The horrified look on Kate's face told Castle she had finally made all the connections to the day of her shooting, and probably to the situation that led up to it. Seeing the tears and an accompanying meltdown coming, he was off the bed in seconds. He helped her stand, sat down in the chair, and eased her gently into his lap, her uninjured side canting to his body, and held her as carefully as he could.

"I remembered I was speaking to a crowd. How could I not remember it was at Roy's funeral? How could I have forgotten that?"

"You've remembered everything in stages. Maybe your mind and body are gauging how much you can handle, and today was time for this."

"He's gone. I'll never see him again." Tears fell fast, and she began to cry. "I've been worrying about clean hair while Evelyn and the girls… They didn't even get to have a peaceful funeral for him because of me. He's dead because of me. And his girls… They're even younger than I was when Mom was killed. Evan is in college like I was. How do I live with that?" She started crying in earnest and clutched her chest in pain, speaking in little bursts, with difficulty. "I loved him…like a dad. Respected…what he…taught me. Loved his family. But I'm…so angry. He knew…everything. Let me need therapy…trying to find out who... Castle…"

She took the hand he offered where she could reach it without much movement of her arm, and she held it as she cried, leaving him wishing he could ease the pain in her body as well as in her soul.

Castle held her as close as he dared, trying to minimize the movement that he knew was still painful for her, encouraging her to calm down. When she calmed enough to hear him, he assured her, "He isn't dead because of you, Kate. Roy is dead because of what he and his partners did before you even graduated from high school. Your mother was killed because of what they did. Your father is an alcoholic because of what they did. You're missing part of your lung and have months of physical therapy ahead of you because of what they did. Roy knew everything you wanted to know, and he never told you any of it…never allowed you the choice to leave it alone or not. He let you spend a decade of helping your father out of alcoholism…of drowning in trying to find your mother's killer. I loved him, too, but it doesn't change the truth. He made some bad choices that affected your life well beyond your mother's death. Sweetheart, none of this is on you because he never told you what was happening. Roy finally reached a crossroads…one where he knew he finally had to face the trouble he and his partners had caused. He knew exactly what he was doing, for everybody. One day when you're better, I'll tell you how Lockwood talked to him about his family. This entire mess goes back to dirty cops corrupting a green recruit and starting something that was taken out of their control…something that allowed whoever is behind these assassins to build too much power. I promise you we'll figure it out one day. I'm going to help you find him…for you, for your parents, and for Roy and his family."

"Castle…"

"Shhh… You're in pain, and your breathing doesn't sound good. It's scaring me. I know it's hard, but try to calm down and get control of your breathing. Breathe with me." He paced his breathing in hopes she would follow. The chair had been moved back next to the bed after the hair washing, so he slid his arm away from his wife long enough to push the call button and then pushed the one that dispenses the pain medication.

Kenny was there shortly; and seeing the picture before him, looked worried. "She's having trouble breathing? When did this start?"

"She finally remembered the last of the details about her shooting, and it hit her pretty hard. Could you put the tissues where I can reach them and get the sheets changed? I just hit the pain meds, and she needs to be back in bed."

"Won't take but a minute." He handed Castle the tissues and made short work of changing the sheets. "Let me help," he offered, going to help Kate stand.

Castle stood and took over, helping his wife get back into bed. He wiped her eyes again, made sure the cannula was back in place, and pulled up the covers…in effect, tucked her in.

Kenny checked vitals, monitored her breathing for a long moment, told Castle a couple of things to look for, things that might indicate a problem, then went to consult with her doctor. He left promising to monitor regularly at shorter intervals than usual.

Standing next to her bed, Castle held Kate's hand. "I wish I could make it easier."

"You are, Castle." Her speech was still ragged, but improving a bit. Imagine if I were going through all this with just my dad…having to worry about him backsliding while I'm trying to get better. I wouldn't have anybody else. You're not just helping. You're my lifeline."

The possibility of Kate going through all of this alone brought tears to Castle's eyes as well as hers, and he walked around to the recliner where he could easily reach her. She inched over closer to him, and held his hand as her breathing gradually calmed and she drifted off to sleep.

He sat with her for a while, but after the emotional effect of Kate's meltdown, Castle couldn't think about sleeping. He was too angry. He simultaneously grieved for the Roy Montgomery who had been his friend, but he condemned the same man for what he felt was a form of long-term abuse of a vulnerable young woman who only wanted the answers she deserved about her mother's death. As her superior, he did mentor her into a position where she could use her formidable abilities as a detective, and he had welcomed her to know his family. But, at the same time, he had made a deal with the devil to keep her safe…as well as himself and his family…all the while knowing the toll it was taking on Kate's mental and emotional well-being. He had to admit Roy had been walking a tightrope for years and wondered what he himself might be willing to ignore given the same circumstances…and the same choices for the Castle family's safety. Castle needed an outlet…needed to move. When he was sure his wife was asleep and breathing more easily, he disengaged his hand from hers, reported to Kenny before he left, and set out at a brisk pace to get coffee for himself and the officers on watch.

When Lanie and the boys came to visit that night, the conversation was light at first. Then it delved into the lack of anything of value to follow to find the shooter. And before the visit ended, they had mourned the loss of their captain and friend together, as a team. Then they vowed to somehow clean up the mess he had left behind…no matter how long it might take.