81. Chapter 81

Chapter 81

"Mmmmm. Something smells good," Kate said as she opened the loft door. "It smells like Alexis's chicken casserole."

"That's because it is," they heard from the kitchen.

"Hey, Pumpkin. Not that we're not glad to see you, but why aren't you on campus?"

"I missed you guys, and my first class isn't until ten tomorrow. I thought I'd spend the night here and figured I might as well make myself useful."

"Anything I can do to help?" Kate asked.

"No. The casserole is in the warmer, the salad is in the fridge, and I just put bread in the oven. We could set the table while we wait. And can we talk tonight?"

"We can talk anytime you want," Kate answered.

"Am I invited to this talk?" Castle asked, having the feeling he already knew the answer.

"Not this time, but nothing is wrong, Dad; and I'm not trying to hide anything. Kate and I talked about something last weekend, and I just want her opinion. If it does start looking like a problem, I promise I'll talk to you, too. No matter how much you claim not to know how I turned out well, I know you had a lot to do with it. Sometimes things just look different from a woman's perspective, that's all."

"Then I'm glad you have Kate."

"Thanks for understanding," Alexis answered and gave her dad a hug, which he readily returned.

"Dinner first?" he asked. "It smells so good, and I'm hungry."

The meal was soon on the table, and Alexis said JD had asked her to tell them how much he had enjoyed the Christmas tree trip. Then she told them about her classes and how many assignments she had before Christmas; and she asked about the case Ryan and Esposito had called Castle into, even though Kate wasn't on call. After she heard about the elf case, Alexis was appropriately sad for the college students and disgusted with the head elf.

They cleared the table, and Castle said he needed to get some writing done after they finished the dishes. Since she wanted to talk to Kate anyway, Alexis offered to take care of the dishes; so Castle excused himself to write, and he closed himself in his study.

When Kate began to help with the dishes, Alexis protested, "You should sit down and rest, Kate. I didn't volunteer you, just me."

"Not a chance. This is so much easier than making dinner." When the dishwasher was loaded and a couple of remaining pieces were washed by hand, Kate put an arm around her child's shoulders and asked, "So what's on your mind, Honey?"

"You know what you said about Dad and JD?" Kate nodded. "Do you think that's really happening?"

"I was mostly kidding, Alexis. But I do think it might be beginning," Kate speculated as they walked toward the sofa. "Your dad does enjoy him, and I think JD looks up to Rick as much as he does his grandfather. He seems to like being with our family a lot, and I think he's getting pretty attached to you, too."

"He's mentioned that Dad reminds him of his grandfather, and that's a major compliment. His granddad is his hero. He's told me stories about his grandfather playing with him when he was little…Legos, superheroes, spy games, Disney World, all kinds of things his father never did with him. They're really close, and anybody who reminds him of his grandfather is somebody he's going to want to be around," Alexis told her as she plopped down on the sofa. "He said on the trip home that he wants a family like ours. I don't know what to think. Does he mean me, or just a family like mine? It's scary to think in those terms. I mean, that's what I want someday, too, but not now. I don't know what to do. Am I being unfair? I really enjoy being with him."

Kate sat down with her, and they turned to face one another. "You said you and JD haven't had that talk yet?"

"We haven't, but how do I start that conversation? 'Hey, are you talking about wanting to marry me someday, or do you just want an eccentric but loving family sometime in the future?'"

Kate chuckled. "He's mentioned enjoying our family before. That might be all there is to it. If there's more, he'd probably say so. He's pretty open and honest about things, isn't he?"

Alexis nodded. "I just don't want to feel like I'm leading him on if he's expecting more than what I'm ready for. I don't want to disappoint him or keep him from meeting someone who is ready."

"I remember he said his birthday fell late enough in the year that he started school later than you did. By the time school starts next year, he'll be twenty-one and a very mature twenty-one at that. He probably isn't ready for marriage, either, but he seems to want to be a family man eventually. It could be a lot worse, you know.

"I know. He's great. He's the kind of guy I want one day, but I'm not ready for that yet. I'm probably worrying about nothing."

"It isn't nothing. It's your life. Listen, a lot of my advice is coming as much from a place where I've learned what doesn't work as much as what does. Does it help to remind you that I was running scared for a long time? I grew up with parents who were completely devoted to one another, but I still ended up in relationships where I kept one foot out the door…never entirely committed. Your dad actually tried for commitments, but that didn't work out, either. I think we both knew we should be together, but we both came with such relationship baggage that it took us a while to trust each other; and we were both afraid to talk about it. Once we did, we never looked back. My one unequivocal piece of advice is, when something important to either of you in terms of your relationship comes up, don't sweep it under the rug. Talk about it…and be honest, even it hurts one of you. You're both intelligent people, and you'll work things out when you need to. Until then, enjoy JD's company. But keep the honesty between you. Then, if you do break it off, you can part with respect for each other.

"Thanks, Kate. I needed to hear that."

"Any time, Kid. You know that." There was a little pause. "If your dad asks, how much do I tell him?"

"Any of it, I guess. I don't want to disappoint him, either. Dad always listens, and he's always given me good advice before. But it's easier to talk to you about boyfriends."

"Yeah. I always went to my mom with that."

Alexis looked down. "I know I have a mom; but in the spirit of this conversation, being honest…I like having a Kate a lot better." She scooted across the sofa to give Kate a hug.

"I don't exactly have a daughter, either, but I really like having an Alexis, too. And I've had you around long enough, you feel like mine." She held her for a moment and kissed her head. "This is where your dad would offer you ice cream, isn't it?"

Alexis giggled. "You know us well, don't you? I saw a new carton of Ben and Jerry's in the freezer. Shall I get the spoons?"

"Absolutely."

"I'll meet you at the breakfast bar."

They had made a serious dent in the ice cream when Castle came out of his office.

"I thought you were writing." Alexis said just before putting another spoonful of ice cream in her mouth.

"And you were using that as an excuse to eat all the New York Fudge Chunk without me?" he asked indignantly, opening a drawer to get himself a spoon. "And my own wife was in on the conspiracy."

"Sorry," Kate answered around a mouthful of the cold confection, not looking the least bit sorry. "Hey, no fair. That spoon is way bigger than ours."

"You got a head start. I get a bigger spoon," he answered, digging into the ice cream and humming with pleasure when it hit his taste buds. "I can't believe you started without me."

"Well, one more scoop with that shovel you're calling a spoon should have you all caught up," Alexis answered sarcastically.

Staying in the spirit of the moment, Kate kept eating ice cream but taking smaller and fewer bites, and before long Alexis and her dad had finished off the carton and Alexis took the carton and spoons away.

"I saw you not eating too much," Castle whispered, giving her a cold, ice cream kiss. "You didn't have to do that."

"I just wanted to be part of the family vibe," she answered quietly. "You know I don't eat as much ice cream as you do anyway. Besides, I gained another couple of pounds this month."

"The baby is getting bigger," he told her. "You're supposed to gain some weight."

"But I have almost another three months to go. I don't want to get carried away and gain too much now. Then I'll have to work harder to get back in shape."

"I don't think you have much to worry about. You're staying way more active than most pregnant women, so you're still in good shape." Still in a whisper, he added, and your boobs are bigger, that's probably another pound."

"I haven't heard you complaining about that pound."

"You haven't heard me complaining about any extra pounds, have you?" he answered at a normal volume level.

"No. Not once. You're a good man, Richard Castle."

Alexis walked toward the stairs. "Thanks for the advice, Kate. I'm gonna go see what I can find to sleep in, study a little while, and go to bed. 'Night, Dad. It was fun arguing over the ice cream again."

"'Night, Honey. I enjoyed it, too." Turning to his wife, when Alexis was at the top of the stairs, he asked quietly, "Anything earth shattering in your talk?"

"No. Not now, anyway. She said I could tell you if you asked. She just wanted to run it past somebody else first. I think it started with something I said while we watched you and JD cutting down the Christmas tree." She relayed the conversation, ending with her teasing comment about Castle and JD deciding they couldn't live without each other. "I was only half joking, though. He looks up to you, Castle, and he seems to love being with our family. Alexis says he compares you to his grandfather, who is apparently his hero. I don't want to see Alexis jumping into anything she isn't ready for; but I think I'm starting to love JD, too, and I don't want to see him hurt, either."

"I realized the day we went to the tree farm how much I enjoy his company. If Alexis decided he was her choice for life, I'd probably be on board without hesitation. And if not, I'd miss seeing him. But my little girl comes first. I'm sure he and I would cope." He looked at her and said, "I can see you wishing you hadn't mentioned it, but it's probably good that you did. I wasn't much older than he is when I was planning to marry Kyra. It's a conversation they need to have."

"But they need to have it on their own schedule, right?"

"Right. You're gonna be a good mom. Good instincts."

"I'm beginning to be confident about somebody old enough to reason with. I'm worried more about infants and the terrible twos and Castle/Beckett toddlers."

"I won't lie," he answered. "Some of it won't be fun, but a lot of it will. And that makes it worth it all the not fun moments."

"Promise?" she asked.

"I promise."

She snuggled against him and sighed contentedly. "It's too early for bed. Want to watch a movie?"

"Sure. Do you want snacks?" he asked.

"Hot chocolate?"

"Pick out a movie and sit down. I'll make the hot chocolate."

xxxxx

December decorations at the loft kept getting bigger as Castle brought in more boxes with a model train and tracks to run under the tree, things for the tables, even the bathrooms. Alexis and JD came by now and then, and the four of them would watch a Christmas movie.

"Did you do this with your parents?" Alexis asked Kate on one of their visits.

"Yeah. Movies when I was older, but lots of Christmas specials when I was little. When I was about five or six, I watched Rudolph so many times, I'm surprised they didn't take the VCR and throw it away…and let me think I'd lost it or broken it, or wore it out or something."

"You may live the parental end of that in a couple of years. You'll just be making a DVD disappear," Castle told her.

"Grandad let me watch them at his house," JD said. "He'd do all the voices sometimes to make me laugh."

"Dad did that, too…probably to get over the insanity of how many times he'd watched those Christmas specials," Alexis answered.

"That was probably Granddad's reason, too, but it was fun."

xxxxx

During December, having been told by their star writer that he would refuse any signings or appearances out of town from January to July, Gina and Paula, backed by management at Black Pawn, demanded several local book signings at some of the larger bookstores. Castle countered that he intended to provide a signing for Colleen, Kate's bookstore owner friend, who had been willing to help if needed when they were concerned about Bracken. And he insisted that Black Pawn provide as many copies of his book as she thought she would need. He and Colleen had enjoyed each other when he was there before, and he was looking forward to it.

Kate went Christmas shopping with Castle a few times and a couple of times with Lanie, but she made shorter trips than usual, tiring out a bit faster after a day at work. On her days off, she could hold out a little longer, though.

Baby furniture deliveries were made, and Rick and Kate started gradually arranging the nursery, now and then straying from their Christmas shopping to look for another accessory or something for the baby. They were still looking for the perfect rocking chair, and Kate mentioned that to Colleen when they were at her store for the Saturday afternoon book signing. She and Colleen were visiting while Castle charmed the customers who were in line for his signature.

"You don't have a rocking chair yet?" Colleen asked excitedly.

"No. We've seen some nice ones, but not the right one yet."

"There's an eclectic little shop about three blocks from here. I think about you every time I go there. Some of the things are new; There are a few antiques, some vintage but not quite antique pieces, a lot of interesting things. It's worth the trip just to look at all of it. I don't know if it's still there, but they had a rocking chair, and for some reason I thought of you."

"What is it like?"

"I'll let you find it on your own. It should speak to you. If it doesn't, I know you'd still enjoy the shop."

"Castle should finish up in about half an hour. Maybe we can stop on the way home."

Kate went to check on her husband, and he introduced her to the rest of the line, Some of the mostly women in the dwindling line and all of the men asked for Kate's autograph, as they waited. She walked down the line and signed for them, talking to each one as she did."

Colleen came back to the corner where she and Kate had been sitting and put down a tray with two cups, a teapot, and everything they needed for tea. "I really appreciate this. It's very generous of him. Sales have been phenomenal today. It's just now slowing down a little so I can take a break. Thanks for your help, too, by the way." As she poured the tea, Colleen sing-songed, "You have your own fan club. How does it feel?"

"Strange," Kate answered. "I'm not really used to it yet, but I married him and it goes with the man. He's been in dangerous situations sometimes because it goes with my job. Signing a book now and then is certainly easier."

Castle came to the counter when the line finally ended. "My smile muscles hurt and my fingers are frozen in place. Time to go home now?"

"You looked like you were enjoying it. Everybody left smiling" Colleen answered.

"People are buying my books. I want them to leave smiling. I appreciate them."

"Thanks so much for being here. My December sales will be great this year, and a lot of people who had never been here told me they'll be back."

"I was happy to do it, Colleen. This place has the kind of feeling I like in a bookstore. I'll do this again when the next book comes out."

"Do we have time to stop at one place and look for a rocking chair?" Kate held up a piece of notepaper and said, "Colleen told me about a place that reminds her of me.

The store was divided into small rooms, and Colleen had been right about the eclectic merchandise. In the third room they found the rocking chair, and Colleen had been right about that, too. It was practically calling Kate's name, and even Castle took one look at it and said that's the one, isn't it?"

They looked it over carefully, then Kate sat down, leaned her head against the tall chair back and closed her eyes in contentment. "It's perfect," she said" Then she stood and insisted, "You try it. You're going to use it, too, so it needs to be perfect for both of us."

Castle's response was very much the same as his wife's, and he opened his eyes to find her smiling and looking excited. "Should we arrange for delivery?" he asked.

"Yes…please."

He stood and gathered his wife into his arms and looked down at her protruding belly. "Hey, baby boy, we just found what's going to be the most important chair in your life for the next few years, and Mommy is really happy about it."

They took care of the purchase, arranged for delivery the following week, and went home satisfied.

xxxxx

JD's family did all their family celebrating on Christmas day, so Alexis invited him to their Christmas Eve dinner, Martha again teasing her about family gatherings before he arrived. Jim was there, as well as Meagan. She was stuck in town because of an assignment. They dressed up in honor of the holiday, a tradition Martha had started when she and her son had much less finery to enjoy. She always said a big event deserves your best, and you should dress appropriately to honor it. As he got a little older, Rick began to suspect it was just her way of getting him to expect clothes for Christmas so he'd have something that fit when she needed him to be well dressed.

Their feast was delicious, and they all enjoyed being together for it. After they cleared the table and put away the food, Martha left to join some friends for drinks, and Meagan left to give the family the chance to be together for a little while longer. Alexis and JD said goodnight, and Castle, Kate and Jim walked her to the door.

"Thanks for including me in another holiday. It was great," she told them.

They all answered with various forms of "We enjoyed having you here."

As she reached for the door, Jim leaned in and kissed her cheek, saying "Merry Christmas, Meagan." Meagan looked surprised but simply answered, "Merry Christmas…to all of you." Then she left.

"Dad?" Kate said, a question implied in her tone. "Is there something you want to tell us?"

"What do you mean?"

"You just kissed Meagan, and I don't see any mistletoe."

"Hmpf. I guess I did." He looked surprised, too.

"So, what does that mean?"

He scratched his head and looked a little self-conscious. "I guess I should ask myself that question, too."

Kate dropped the subject there, and Jim spent a few minutes with Alexis and JD before he went home.

After Jim left, JD and Alexis moved to the living room and were looking at the tree. He asked about one of the obviously child made ornaments, and the two of them were laughing at the others her father always insisted should be a part of their Christmas. Some of them had even been repaired several times so he didn't have to give them up. Rick and Kate were in the kitchen. He was standing behind his wife running his hand over her middle.

"Oh, that was a big one," he said as the baby kicked his hand.

"Yeah, it was. I think he was tired of being scrunched while I sat at the table and ate enough I should be sick," Kate answered. "He started this as soon as I stood up."

"Next Christmas, we'll need a high chair at the Christmas Eve feast."

"He'll probably be crawling all over the place by then, getting into all kinds of trouble."

"Probably. We might have to figure out how to baby proof the decorations," Rick answered with a smile, He leaned down to kiss Kate's cheek, still rubbing her stomach and saying something to their son.

Seeing Kate put her hand over her husband's and look over her shoulder at him lovingly, JD said, "I really do want that someday. I don't know if my parents ever had it. I do know I've never seen it. My granddad always looked at my grandmother like that when I was little, though. She died when I was eleven, and he missed her so much. I don't know what happened that my dad grew up with so much love and didn't seem to learn much from it."

"It looks like it skipped a generation. You're a lot like your granddad," Alexis assured him.

"Do you ever think about five or ten years in the future and what you want?" he asked

"Now and then." She shrugged

"Do you ever see me…still being there in your future?"

Their conversation was quiet, but Castle's years as a parent and Kate's years as a detective meant two sets of ears were tuned to pick up conversations.

"Uh-oh," Kate said quietly. "Looks like this might be the talk. Should we leave the room?"

"Not quite yet. We'd just be making ourselves obvious. We can ease toward the study in a minute."

"JD, I'm not ready to think that far ahead yet. I've only been in college a few months. I let myself think Ashley and I had a future together. I even told him that I loved him, and that didn't work out well. That made me realize I'm not ready to make romantic commitments that stretch too far into the future yet. I have a lot to do before I can make plans like that. I need you to understand…"

"Hey, don't worry. I have a lot of work left to do, too. I'm not proposing or anything. But in those now and thens when I think about my future? You're beginning to show up. I was just wondering if I ever turn up in your head that way…even as a possibility.

"Maybe. And I do care about you…a lot. I wouldn't spend so much time with you if I didn't. I do want what Dad finally found with Kate. Just not right away. Is that okay with you?"

He put his arms around Alexis from behind, in very much the same position her father was holding Kate. "Yeah. Don't stress over it, Honey," he said reassuringly and kissed her cheek. "I didn't mean to worry you. No pressure, okay?"

"Okay." She turned in his arms, and kissed him gently.

"Okay. Now we leave," Rick whispered to his wife. "I don't want to see that. Not good for a father's blood pressure." They had already worked their way closer to the study door, and he quietly moved them inside.

"Well, it looks like they came to an understanding," Kate said quietly. "Doesn't it help your blood pressure to know she's being reasonable about making long term romantic commitments right now?"

"Yeah. But in spite of what he said, I'm not convinced JD isn't ready to start thinking about it. He wouldn't be hanging out with us as much as he does if he didn't enjoy the feeling of family."

"They're the ones who have to work it out, though."

"Yes, they are. I'm glad you and I are over that. Come over here." He led her to one of the comfortable arm chairs near his desk, sat down and pulled her into his lap. "Why don't we think about us now? Is Peanut settling down?"

"A little bit. You know, we need to start thinking harder about names. It won't be long before we need to do better than Peanut, Baby Boy, Little Guy, or Baby Castle."

"Cosmo still doesn't work for you?" he asked with a grin, fully expecting his ear to be pulled.

"No." This time she laughed about it, though. He had mentioned it the first time they were talking about names, and her instant, adamant refusal had become a running joke between them. Kate swung her legs over the arm of the chair and snuggled against her husband, and she and Castle talked and traded kisses and small, innocent touches with an occasional word or two to their son.

Not much later, JD came to the door to say goodnight, and Alexis was there for the same reason a few minutes later.

The entire family was up early the next morning to open presents. Then they had breakfast, entertained themselves with some of their gifts, and went back to bed for a while.

When they were up again later in the morning, Castle called to confirm the delivery of the food he had ordered for the precinct, and the family met the delivery people there and helped set up and serve lunch to the folks on Christmas Day duty. They enjoyed the visit and then went back home to spend the rest of the day relaxing, playing the new video games and watching one more Christmas movie before Christmas was over.

Martha and Alexis retired to their rooms early with new books, and Kate and Castle retired and engaged in something a little more active before they slept. Castle called it one more Christmas gift between them.