88. Chapter 88

Chapter 88

Jamie had smiled a few times before, and on Alexis's latest trip home to visit, she asked, "It looks like he's smiling, but is he really? One of my friends said it's probably just gas."

"It may be that he's learning how to use all those muscles he doesn't know how to control yet." Kate answered. "This time they turned into a smile. We may never be sure, but it's fun to watch," she said as she washed lettuce for their sandwiches. "It shouldn't be too much longer before we get real ones, though."

"You think so?" Alexis looked excited at the idea.

"I'm basing these answers on using my detective skills to piece together what I've read and what people with actual experience have told me. You should ask your dad when you started smiling for real. I don't think he's forgotten anything about you…probably never will."

"He won't forget anything about Jamie, either, will he?"

"It's people he loves, Alexis. He remembers everything. He amazes me."

So, two more weeks before you go back to work and he stays home with Jamie?"

"Looks like it. I had a huge crisis of conscience a couple of days ago, and he talked me through it. He's good at that."

"I know. He got lots of practice on me."

"I've talked to Gates, and I'm going back half days for the first two weeks. Then I'll be full time again. There will probably be some long days where I won't see either of them as much as I want to."

"I can tell that bothers you. Would you rather be a stay-at-home-mom?"

Kate was suddenly misty-eyed, and Alexis immediately apologized and hugged her stepmother. "I'm sorry, Kate. I didn't mean to make you cry."

"Every time I think about work, I want to cry. I love my job. It's important, and I'm good at it; but I love my family, and I'm better at that than I thought I'd be, too. I just can't figure out how I can do a good job of both."

"You've been doing a good job of both for a while now. Take it from a recipient of your skills. Jamie won't doubt that you love him." She wrapped her arms around Kate tighter for a long moment before backing off. "You already know she loves you, right, Jamie?" She tickled his tummy, and he reacted with baby sounds and all his little appendages moving. "See. He said yes."

Wiping her eyes, Kate answered, "There's a lot of your father in you, Kid. He always knows how to make me feel better, too."

They finished assembling sandwiches about the time Castle got home from his meeting and heated the soup Castle had made the day before. Then they all sat down at the table and played with Jamie as they spent some time catching up.

"Do you trust me to babysit on my own now?" Alexis asked. "Jamie's just been fed, so I wouldn't have to worry about that. If the two of you want to take a walk or do a little shopping or something, I have most of the afternoon free. It looks like you could do with a little fresh air and relaxing, Kate. Have the two of you been anywhere at all alone yet?"

"No, we haven't," Castle answered then turned to his wife. "Is something wrong, Kate?"

"Job, Jamie. Jamie, job. Guilt. Same story."

"Then let's take Alexis up on her offer…get out for a little while and get your mind on something else. It's a beautiful day. "

"Are you gonna be wearing that suit? You look great, but I'm a little underdressed for it."

"I'll go put on some jeans. That's more comfortable anyway. Be right back." He stood and kissed Alexis on the head. "Thank you, my perfect child. I think we both needed this."

"Maybe I'll take Jamie up to the nursery later and try out the rocking chair while you're gone."

"We've done that a few times. I like it," Kate answered with a smile.

"When are you going to move him up there to sleep?"

"Probably when we're sure he's sleeping through the night."

"Or when he outgrows the bassinet," Castle amended from the door of the study. "Whichever comes first, maybe."

"Go change clothes, Dad. Take advantage of the time while you have it," Alexis scolded.

He and Kate promised to be back in half an hour or forty-five minutes, kissed their little boy, then their little girl, and left the loft.

As they walked through the lobby, Eduardo asked, "On your own this afternoon?"

"Alexis is babysitting," Kate answered.

"More like she threw us out so she could have her brother to herself," Castle corrected. "See you soon.

"Enjoy your freedom," Eduardo joked as he held the door.

Once on the street in front of their building, the couple looked at one another, and Kate gave her husband a smirky smile. "I may have forgotten how to do this."

Castle gave her his lopsided smirk in return. "Shall we just pick a direction, start walking, and see if a plan presents itself?" When Kate nodded, he offered her his arm, she took it, and they strolled leisurely along the sidewalk with no plan at all in mind.

They soon found themselves passing a little park where Castle took Alexis to play when she was little. They stopped and sat down on a bench just inside the gate, and he said, "By this time next year, I'll be bringing Jamie here. And we can bring him in the evenings when you get home so you can enjoy it with us."

"I'm glad I married you. I would have been a different person without you. Not nearly as happy."

"Same here. I'm glad you married me, too."

"You want to walk around the other side of these two blocks and stop for coffee on the way home?"

"Sounds good. This is nice…remembering how it feels to be out and just us again…just for a little while."

"Yeah, it is."

They finished their walk at the coffee shop on the corner, lingered and talked a bit, then went back home. When they arrived at the loft, no one was visible anywhere they expected to find them; so they went upstairs quietly, in case Jamie was asleep. The sight was priceless to them, and Castle eased his phone out of his pocket to preserve it.

Alexis was holding Jamie, and he was swatting at her face. She was making faces back and nibbling his fingers when he chanced to tap her mouth.

Castle caught a little of it on video before she realized they were there and looked up with a smile. "Thank you, Pumpkin. That was a nice little break."

"It was a nice little break for me, too, but I should probably get back to the dorm and do some reviewing for my test tomorrow. Call me if you want to get out for a little while again. Jamie and I got along just fine." She kissed her brother's forehead. "He was a little fussy for a few minutes, but rocking him calmed him right down."

Castle took his son, and Alexis went downstairs to get her backpack before she left. They saw her to the door, exchanged hugs, and they were alone with Jamie again.

"You fix the pillows on the bed. I'll bring him in," he told his wife. He followed her into their bedroom, positioned Jamie among the pillows between them and they enjoyed being parents before they tucked him in.

xxxxx

Kate and Castle had talked about the fact that her maternity leave time was limited and about the kinds of things it would be helpful for her to do before she went back to work. Given the kind of hours detectives sometimes have to work, they both knew from the beginning that breastfeeding would probably be derailed soon after she returned to the precinct. Therefore she had been preparing for that problem while she could, hoping to extend the benefits to Jamie as long as possible…even if it might not be for very long.

She spent time rocking their baby in the nursery, and she and Castle would put him in the crib while they read or folded his clothes, etc. Having decided reading could never start too early, they sat with him there and read to him, loving doing it and agreeing that it didn't feel as silly as one or the other of them periodically reading or telling stories to her pregnant belly. They both believed babies and small children absorbed much more than a lot of people might give them credit for. And they played with him, showing him his toys and encouraging him grab at them. They hoped that his room would feel like a comfortable place for him when they moved him from the bassinet in their room to the crib in his own room.

Castle knew that having a plan and preparing for changes always helped Kate adjust, and he was relieved for her that it seemed to be helping this time, too; but no way was he saying a word about that. He was going to enjoy that she was calming down and adjusting to the idea that things were about to change again.

At the end of March, Jamie slept through the night for the first time. Kate woke up feeling a little uncomfortable, needing to feed him, and she immediately reacted with panic when she realized what time it was. It was well over an hour later than Jamie usually woke to be fed; and when she exploded from the bed to check on him, Castle woke up, too.

"Kate? What's wrong?" he asked, instantly sitting up.

From her position leaning over the side of the bassinet, she answered, sounding quiet but worried, "He didn't wake up to be fed yet. I was afraid…" Castle was by her side by the time she had finished breathing her long sigh of relief, wrapping his arm around her waist. "He's okay. I just had to check and make sure he was still breathing," she told him, looking a bit embarrassed about it.

"I did the same thing the first time Alexis slept longer than usual," he assured her. "This could be the beginning of a good thing, you know; so let's not wake him up. Why don't I make us some hot cocoa and we'll wait him out together. See if he wakes up soon or actually makes it until morning."

"Hot cocoa sounds good…but I'll wait in here."

Castle huffed a little laugh and nodded his understanding. "Be back soon."

"Rick?"

"Yeah?" He stopped at the doorway.

She walked over to him and kissed his cheek. "Thanks for not making me feel stupid about it."

"Hey, if you hadn't been awake first, I'd have been the one flying out of bed checking to see if he was breathing. It's a parent thing. You just checked off another box on the parental to-do list. You're doing a fine job." He kissed her head before he left on his cocoa mission; and when he brought back the hot chocolate, he smiled when he saw that she had rolled the bassinet as close to her side of the bed as she could get it. The two of them propped on pillows against the headboard and sipped their drinks slowly as they waited to see what would happen.

"We could try to sleep ourselves," Castle suggested as he put his empty mug on the nightstand, "but we probably wouldn't. "Maybe we could take turns trying to sleep?"

"You get comfortable. I'll take first watch," she answered.

"Still too wired to sleep?" he asked as he took her hand.

"I think so," she admitted. "This is all new to me. I love him so much, and I was so scared until I knew he was okay. Having him over here next to the bed tonight helps. I can reach over and touch him if I need to…just to be sure."

"Okay. Wake me up in an hour, or if you think there's anything to worry about. Maybe by then you'll unwind enough to get some rest." She nodded, and he kissed the side of her head and said, "Love you," before he slid down under the covers and closed his eyes.

Jamie finally woke up close to six in the morning, hungry and letting the world know it. Castle got up and changed him, talking to him quietly because he knew Kate had barely slept. "Can you tone down the noise, buddy? You scared your mommy and kept her up half the night, and she's probably not ready for all this racket. Daddy's not too happy about it, either; but if you start sleeping through this much of the night from now on, Daddy could be persuaded to forgive you." He put Jamie in Kate's arms and told her, "You feed him, and then I'll take him in the other room so you can get some decent sleep. I'll go put us together some breakfast."

He found his mother in the kitchen having coffee and reading a magazine.

"Morning, Mother. You're up uncommonly early today. Want scrambled eggs and toast?"

"Well, don't you look bleary-eyed this morning? Rough night, Daddy?" she chuckled.

He explained the way the night had gone, and she nodded. "I remember that panic myself the first time you slept through…and the phone call at two in the morning when Alexis did. Poor Katherine. She must be exhausted."

"That and relieved to see that he's acting normal…as well as relieved to get her arms around him instead of keeping hands off and waiting to see how long he'd sleep."

"Is she adjusting to the idea of going back to work yet? And yes, I'd like some breakfast, too, by the way."

"I think so. I've left the decision to her. We've joked that I'd be happy to be her sugar daddy, but I don't think that's her. She likes having her own identity, but now it's within our identity together. Add Jamie to the mix and… Hmmm… Maybe it's an identity crisis."

"My girl is pretty special," Martha answered. "She'll figure it out."

Castle just smiled and nodded in agreement as he broke the eggs for breakfast.

"Last night was tough, huh?" Castle asked as he returned with breakfast for his wife. "You're looking a little droopy."

"Gee, thanks, Castle. Way to boost a girl's confidence." Looking up from her son, she said," Not exactly the way we used to spend our time when we woke up in the middle of the night. Sorry I've been so worthless in that department lately."

"Sorry? We'll get back to that in no time now, but look what you've given us in the meantime." He put her plate and coffee on the nightstand and slid in behind her on the bed so he could hold both his wife and his son. He squeezed both of them closer to him briefly to make his point.

"Dirty diapers, sleepless nights, and a wife wavering between responsible motherhood and instability?" She leaned her head back against his chest for a moment, looking lovingly at Jamie. "Look at what we did, Rick. We made this tiny little human being who's going to take his pieces of you and me and put them together to be his own unique person."

"I know. It takes my breath away every day."

Jamie finished his breakfast, and Castle held him and kept Kate company while she finished hers. When Castle went back with Jamie to take the dishes to the kitchen, Martha took care of the dishes and then confiscated her grandson and told Castle to get some sleep, too. She said he looked incapable of parental duties.

xxxxx

After the sleeping through the night continued for most of the week and Kate began to acclimate to the idea, the couple decided it was time to move Jamie into his own room with the baby monitor. "Through the night" actually amounted to about eleven-thirty at night to five-thirty in the morning; but it was as much sleep as they often got when they were working, and much better than waking up every three hours.

Once they were alone with extra hours of sleep available, thoughts strayed to other activities Kate's recovery hadn't allowed for the past few weeks. The affectionate kisses and touches were gradually taking on a different tone. Their kisses were becoming more intense, the touches were getting bolder, and the need was becoming more demanding…but Castle was using a level of self-restraint that was driving Kate crazy.

"Why?" she asked. "I feel fine. I've heard other people say they only waited a month. Don't you want me anymore? Does the birth and the breastfeeding make me less attractive to you?"

"No! Don't waste another minute thinking that. If I thought… Kate, the doctor said to be careful to let you heal…"

"So frustrating me like this is for my own good?"

"No. Believe me, my own interests are shamefully in the forefront. The next time we make love, I'm going to want to do it again...and again, and again. And I don't want to have to stop because we…I don't know…break something and have to wait for it to heal again."

"Break something? Really? What are we going to break? The stitches are supposed to have dissolved on their own." There was a little quirk of her lips, and she added "And that other thing? That was broken a long time ago."

Rick chuckled and rested his forehead against hers with a sigh. "Kate, I'm a large man. No part of me isn't a little larger than average."

"Mmmmhmmmm," she answered, reaching for him seductively. "I know, and I kind of like that."

"I know you do," he answered with a smirk as he grabbed her wandering hand before it reached its target. "But you see the doctor again day after tomorrow. As long as she thinks you're doing as well as you think you are, we'll take full advantage, I promise. I just don't want to hurt you, or cause even minor problems. That's why we made this appointment for five weeks instead of six, remember? We knew we'd reach this point." She growled in frustration and flopped over on her back. "But you have no idea how it strokes my male ego to know you want me this much."

"Not the kind of stroking I had in mind," she grumbled; but he distracted her with some playful kisses, and they eased their touching back down to a bit more soothing and a bit less stimulating. Neither of them was entirely satisfied, but they both felt loved and wanted.

xxxxx

They decided to make the day of the doctor visit a good day out. The appointment was in the morning, and they had worked out a feeding plan for Jamie between the doctor and their next stop. Knowing Ruby always worked that day, they had lunch at Remy's, providing their favorite waitress with her promised introduction to the newest member of their family. They left the car seat in the town car when the driver dropped them off at the precinct, and Kate strapped Jamie in the baby carrier she had used at home now and then. It seemed comfortable for both Kate and the baby, and Castle liked the look of it. A winning combination.

The desk sergeant, a father of several children, insisted on stopping them to see their new addition. Gotta tell you, Beckett. Never thought I'd see this, but it looks good on you.

"Thanks, Sarge. It feels good, too."

"Congratulations, Castle," the sergeant called as they entered the elevator.

"Beckett!" Ann Hastings all but shouted when they walked onto the homicide floor, and she came toward them looking delighted. "You look great."

"She does, doesn't she?" Castle said. "She won't believe me."

Several of the other detectives who were there came to meet them as well.

"The newest Castle, I presume," Jennings said, smiling as he peeked at Jamie in the baby carrier. Jamie had grown enough to wear his tiny NYPD hoodie and footed sweatpants, and she adjusted their bright-eyed baby boy to a position where he could see and be seen in his NYPD gear.

There was laughter at the outfit, and there were comments of enjoyment at interacting with the baby, of congratulations, and of amazement that Beckett already looked so good; and the Castles enjoyed talking to the others.

Karpowski finally said, "That Ring Sling lets you wear that baby like a fashion accessory. Must be all that height. My sister loved having one for both her babies."

"He looks just like Castle," LT commented with a grin. "Hope he doesn't give you as much trouble as Castle does."

About that time, Captain Gates came out of her office to see what the commotion was about and immediately softened at the sight of the baby. Putting the file in her hand on the closest desk, she asked, "May I?"

Kate placed the baby in Gates waiting arms; and as she looked at Jamie, the captain smiled in a way the members of the twelfth didn't usually see. "Are you our newest rookie, Mr. Castle?" she asked Jamie. "You're certainly dressed for the part. At that point, Jamie managed to grab her hair, and she expertly extricated his little fingers from it and played with his hand as she talked to him gently. "He's a handsome little fellow," she said to Jamie's proud parents. "And he seems so alert, looks like he's taking in everything." And Jamie flashed a smile. Whether it was actually in response to Gates or not, the timing was perfect; and she smiled back, looking delighted. Then she pulled herself back to business. "While you're here, come in and let's discuss your return to duty."

Seeing that the momentary break was over, the little gathering that had formed dispersed, and Castle reached to take the baby from Gates. Jennings gave Castle's arm a brotherly pat before he walked away. "They feel good in your arms, don't they?" he asked, one father to another.

"Nothing else quite like it," Castle answered in the same spirit.

Gates led the Castles into her office and indicated they should sit.

"Is there a problem with my return, Sir?" Kate asked.

"Not with your return, but I need you to know I've made a decision. Detective Sully will be staying with us. He works hard, he's dependable; and from what I've observed, he's a good detective. Detectives Ryan and Esposito both say they can count on him in the field when the chips are down."

"Who will he be working with? When I'm back, I assume I'll return to my team."

"He's going to be working with your team. I'm assigning him as your partner until further notice."

"Sir, I don't think that's necessary. I…"

"Well, I do think it's necessary. I had enough trouble with the idea of sending you out with an unarmed civilian for backup, but I eventually realized he was sharp, inventive, and had every intention of keeping you alive. I also have every intention of keeping you alive. Since Mr. Castle won't be here now, there won't be any compromise on this."

"But we've discussed the possibility that Castle might be able to come in now and then to help out."

"And as long as your team agrees, that's fine. But I will insist that Detective Sully stay nonetheless. He's a good man, seems to be in the job for the right reasons, and he could benefit from training with all of you, Mr. Castle included if he can come in to consult now and then."

"But…"

"Non-negotiable, Lieutenant. I'm trying to see that you get home to your husband and that beautiful little boy every day. Mr. Castle should have no objections to that."

"She has a point, Kate. If the boys trust him… We'll talk about it later. No need to upset Jamie with stress vibes."

Kate nodded but looked anything but appreciative. "Am I dismissed?' she asked her captain.

"Dismissed," Gates affirmed.

As Kate eased Jamie back into the baby carrier, Castle texted their driver to pick them up.

"Kate," Gates called as the couple reached the door. "I know you don't like this, but it's for the best. Deep down you know you need backup now more than ever. Give it a fair chance."

"Yes, Sir," Kate answered and left without looking back.

When the elevator door opened, Ryan and Esposito were there, just coming back from a crime scene.

"Hey Jamie," Ryan said when he saw them, then took a better look at Kate. "Did I do something wrong, Beckett? You look mad."

"I have to have a new partner when I get back. Gates just told me it's non-negotiable."

"Do you know who it's going to be?"

"Sully."

"We know you'd rather have Castle, but Sully's not a bad addition. He's done a good job," Esposito answered.

"We'll talk about it later," she said as she and Castle entered the elevator. "We need to get Jamie home."

"You get the feeling she didn't want to hear any good things about Sully?" Esposito asked after the elevator doors closed.

"Not a doubt in my mind," Ryan answered. "But it's a good idea."

xxxxx

Martha understood the significance of the doctor's visit for them and for a change wasn't making a teasing issue of it. She was waiting at the loft when they returned, but the bigger surprise was that Alexis was there, too.

"How was the appointment, Darlings?"

"Exactly what we wanted to hear, Mother. Kate is fine. The doctor was impressed that she's in such good shape already."

"I guess the yoga helps," Kate added. That's about all the working out I've been doing since I started feeling better."

"We went to Remy's and stopped at the precinct, and Jamie got a lot of attention, too," Castle reported. "He used his smiley face enough today that I'd swear he knows what to do with it now."

"I took the liberty of thawing a bottle from the freezer while you were gone," Martha told them. "Alexis and I are going out to dinner, and I thought I might as well take both my grandchildren. The diaper bag is already packed, after all. I think we can manage him between the two of us."

"Are you sure you want to do this?

"We have an early reservation at Arturo's. You know he's going to want to see the baby anyway. We can feed him while we wait for our meals, there's a changing table in the rest room, and after being on display all afternoon, he'll probably fall asleep as soon as his tummy is full. Come on. Give him up." She wiggled her fingers at them, and Kate took Jamie from the carrier and passed him to his grandmother. "Come to Grams, James." Martha continued to talk to him and patted his little bottom as she walked toward the door. "Your sister and I are taking you for a little walk and then to your first nice restaurant."

Alexis put her brother's seat into place on the stroller and they left, saying they'd be back in about three hours.

"She's onto us, isn't she?" Kate asked with a grin.

"Probably. Who cares? And why are we standing here talking?" Castle asked, taking her hand and pulling her toward the bedroom. He locked the door behind them and wiggled his brows at her, saying, "Let the games begin."

Kate giggled, and clothes were in the floor and bodies in the bed in no time.

"You might need to go a little easy at first."

"Wouldn't consider anything else."

"I was beginning to think we'd never get here again."

"I repeat, Mrs. Castle. Why are you still talking?"

She cut him off with a kiss. "Just trying to say 'I love you' before I ravish you."

"Well, that might be allowed."

Then the talking became small sounds of pleasure or repetitions of the each other's names to accompany other activity until they were both feeling boneless and sweaty and satisfied.

"Maybe we should pass on round two this time," he suggested.

"I guess we should, but it's so not what I want. Maybe tonight?"

"If you're okay for that tonight." He propped himself up on one elbow looking down at her. "Don't worry about telling me if you're not, though. Right now, how about a nice, warm bath?"

"In a few minutes," she answered, snuggling against him.

Holding her close, he said, "I like snuggly Kate. At first, before we were together, I used to think you might not want to snuggle."

"And when I imagined it, I always wanted to stay close to you. I wasn't always like that." After a little pause she asked, "Was it still good? Is it the same?" She seemed shy about asking. "I mean, that part of me went through some major drama not too long ago."

Emphasizing every word by following it with a kiss to her lips or some other random part of her face, he answered, "Amazing. Fantastic. Stupendous. Extraordinary. Astounding. Incredible. Phenomenal. Awesome… He kept up the thesaurus worthy list of adjectives, as well as the number of places he found to kiss her face, until he had Kate giggling again and had them both looking forward to that night after their son's bedtime.