52. Chapter 52

Chapter Fifty-Two

The Monday after Thanksgiving break went relatively smoothly for Steve until he showed up for basketball practice for the first time in two weeks.

He'd been able to drive himself to school, which he'd been happy about because Jessica had to work on Monday's. He knew she wouldn't have had a problem taking him home, but she would've had to switch her schedule around to do that and he didn't want her to have to.

His classes and his attention in them were normal; he had lunch with Jessica, Nancy, and Jonathan; he walked during gym because that was what Jessica did. He walked her out to her car at the end of the day before heading back in to practice.

He had to admit he was a little excited to get back into it, even if Billy Hargrove was on the team now and probably lived to make his life a living hell.

The coach asked him a bunch of questions about how he was feeling before he even let Steve into the locker room to change, so he was pretty much by himself in there.

Practice started out fine. He ran the drills with everyone else and practiced different ways of shooting the ball into the hoop. The noise and the light got to him a little bit, but not enough to cause any real problems. It wasn't until they started scrimmaging that Steve realized he maybe should've waited to come back to practice.

The almost constant bumping into other people when playing defense jolted him and made his head begin to hurt. Billy wasn't even the problem this time. Yes, the other boy bumped into him while playing, but nothing like he'd done during the first few practices they'd had together. At least Billy didn't knock him over at all.

This time it was all Tommy's fault that Steve ended up on the floor, the back of his head hitting the polished wood as he landed. He felt as if someone had stabbed him right between the eyes as the pain registered. He couldn't see clearly as he opened his eyes, and a wave of nausea rose up within him.

He was not going to throw up in front of his whole team. That was just something he wasn't going to do. He struggled to his feet, his vision still blurry.

"Harrington, you okay?" the coach asked.

"I – I might need a minute," he admitted and headed towards the open bleacher seats.

Once he was sitting down, he rested his elbows on his knees and then placed his head in his hands. He massaged his temples to try and fight the migraine he knew he was going to soon get. His stomach had settled a little, at least.

Steve wasn't really sure what happened on the court, but a few seconds later Tommy was on the floor and the coach was yelling, "Hargrove, what the hell was that? He's on your team!"

"He knocked Harrington over on purpose!"

That was it. He couldn't stay there and listen to Billy Hargrove of all people stand up for him. He was the reason Steve was in the position he was in in the first place.

He stood up, a little wobbly, and headed to the locker room. The coach called after him, but he waved the concern away and continued walking. Once he'd reached his locker he sat on the bench between the rows and just breathed for a bit.

He wanted to shower before changing and he wanted to get out of there before the rest of the team got done with practice, but he was sure the sound of the water running would make his head hurt worse and might even make his nausea come back.

Deciding it didn't matter because he was just going to go home anyway, he got his stuff together and walked out of the boys' locker room exit and into the main hallway of the school. He knew he couldn't drive, not the way he was feeling, so he went to the office to call his mom.

He was just lucky she was home when he called. He didn't want to have to leave his car in the parking lot, but there was no way he could drive now.

He waited near the front entrance for his mom to come so he wouldn't have to wait in the cold, and he hurried out when she pulled up out front.

He hadn't really explained what had happened when he'd called, so he wasn't surprised when she asked him what was wrong. All he'd said on the phone was that he had started feeling badly during practice.

He didn't tell her that Tommy had pretty much shoved him to the ground, but she got that he'd fallen and then all his symptoms had flared up again.

"I might have to see the doctor again for different medicine or something," he said.

"Maybe. We'll call and see if they can get you in tomorrow."

Steve could tell his mom's voice was off a little bit. She was obviously worried about him now that she knew what had happened.

He was too, if he was being honest with himself. He hoped what had happened today was just a one-time thing. He couldn't imagine playing an actual game if his head was going to flare with pain every time someone bumped into him.

Steve's mom made sure he actually called to leave a message with his doctor when he got home to let him know what had happened at practice. Technically, he left the message with one of the nurses, but the doctor called him back.

"I want you to come in in the morning. I'll transfer you to the front desk. Given the sudden flare up of your symptoms, you should stay home tomorrow, at least until I get a look at you. Rest for the rest of the day."

"Okay."

"Take one of your pain pills and one of the ones for migraines, just in case one decides it wants to rear its ugly head. No loud noises for the rest of the day. No bright light. Take it easy."

"Sure."

"If it gets worse, go to the hospital. Other than that, I'll see you in the morning."

Once Steve had made the appointment – for ten in the morning, because he was sleeping in if he had to miss school – he called the Henderson house.

"Hello?" It was Dustin.

"Hey, little dude. Is Jess home?"

"She left for work already. Why aren't you at practice?"

"Uh, I left early. Can you tell her to call me when she gets home?"

"Sure. Why did you leave early?"

"It . . . didn't go quite as planned. Just tell her to call me."

"You okay?"

Steve was half-touched, half-annoyed at Dustin's concern.

"I think so, just a little hiccup. Nothing big."

"Okay, well, I'll tell Mom to tell her to call you. In case I'm asleep when she gets back."

"A'right. Thanks, dude."

After he got off the phone, he went to find his mom, who was in the living room.

"I'm gonna go lay down," he said. "Jess is supposed to call after she gets home from work, so if I'm asleep just wake me up. My appointment is at ten, so I won't be at school for at least the first part of the day. He wants to see me before making any decisions."

"That's probably best."

His mom was quiet, but it was the type of quiet you got when you actually wanted to say something.

"What is it?" he asked, voice tired because he thought he already knew what she was going to say.

"What if you can't play?" she asked.

"Look, it was Tommy's fault," he said. "He shoved me and I fell."

"Basketball can be pretty physical if you come up against an aggressive player. It could happen again."

Steve knew she was right. He hadn't wanted to think about it – he couldn't think about it, not without starting to feel real panic set in. He had to be able to play; he was relying on sports for at least a partial scholarship. He knew he couldn't get by with just his grades.

"We'll – we'll worry about it after we find out what the doctor has to say." He shook his head, grimacing when a wave of dizziness quickly hit him. "I really do need to lay down."

"Okay. Do you want me to wake you up for supper?"

"No, just – just when Jess calls."

Jessica was looking forward to getting home so she could eat a little something before doing whatever homework she had to do and then going to bed. Her plans changed when Dustin told her that Steve wanted her to call.

"Did he say what it was about?" she asked, pulling a pack of crackers out of the cabinet before going to the fridge to get some cheese.

"Not really, just that he had a bad practice today."

"Oh."

Considering it was his first day back after a two-week break, she assumed it had something to do with the team giving him a hard time about being away. Steve probably just needed to vent.

Jessica got a plate, took her food upstairs so she could call from her own phone, and made herself comfortable on her bed. Steve's mom answered when she called, which surprised her.

"Steve said he wanted me to call?"

"Just a minute. He's sleeping."

"Oh, I can – I can just wait until tomorrow if –"

"No, he said to wake him up."

Okay, now Jessica was beginning to worry. What was so important that it couldn't wait until the next day?

"Hello?" Steve's voice was a little groggy from sleep.

"Steve? Uh, Dustin said you had a bad practice?"

"I didn't tell him I had a bad practice. I told him it didn't go the way I expected."

"Okay . . ."

"I, uh, I had to leave early. We were having a practice game and one of the guys rammed into me. It . . . didn't go well when I hit the floor."

"Oh, God, are you okay? Was it Billy? It was probably Billy. He's always –"

"It was Tommy."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Anyway, I'm – I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. We'll see what's what, but Jess, it wasn't good. The noise and the movements weren't too bad, but it was over once I hit the floor. My head started hurting and I thought I was gonna be sick. I had to leave my car at the school because I couldn't drive home. Mom had to come get me."

Jessica could hear the panic rising in Steve's voice, and she wished she was with him. She could comfort him so much better that way than through the phone.

"Are you feeling any better right now?"

"I mean, I've been sleeping since I got home, pretty much. My head still hurts a little bit. I mostly wanted you to call so I could tell you I probably won't be in school at all tomorrow. My appointment is at ten, so I'm just staying home."

"Of course. I'll come see you after school tomorrow."

"Yeah." Steve was silent for a few seconds, and then, "Jess?"

"Steve?"

"What if I can't play anymore? I need to be able to play. I'm counting on that to help me get into college."

Jessica had never really seen Steve cry – it was like he never allowed himself to get to that point. He'd rather lash out with words than cry in front of her – but she thought she could hear the emotion in his throat, that tightness you get when your eyes are filling with water.

"There are other ways to get into college," she said. "Okay? And who says you have to go immediately after you graduate? You could take a year off and get a job. A lot of people do that."

"No, I mean, I'm counting on it so I can go with you. We're supposed to go together."

Jessica knew that had been the original plan. She knew it would bother Steve if she had to move away for higher education and he couldn't go with her. He would want her to go, want her to better herself, but because of his own insecurities he definitely wouldn't like it.

"Okay, well, why don't we just wait until we see what the doctor says and then we'll see about that. Okay? And again, there are other ways for you to get into college."

"A'right. You're right. I'm just – I'm freaking out right now. I wish you were here with me."

"Me too. If I had known, I would've stopped by on the way home."

She stayed on the phone with him for a few more minutes, continued talking to him until his voice was back to normal, and then let him go so he could go back to sleep.

Jessica sighed, getting up to get what she needed for homework and taking it to the bed with her. The food she'd brought up with her had been long forgotten and she didn't feel like eating anymore.

She was too worried.

The next morning Jessica got up not feeling refreshed at all. She'd told Steve not to worry about it until he could see the doctor today, but she hadn't taken her own advice. She'd had a very fitful sleep.

Surprisingly, Dustin hadn't left for school yet. He was in the kitchen with their mom. He was in the middle of eating a bowl of cereal and a drop of milk was rolling down his chin. He wiped it away with the back of his hand.

"Ew. Use a napkin," she said.

"They're all the way over on the counter."

She rolled her eyes but also got him a napkin. He gave her a grin when she handed it to him.

"You're a goof ball."

She went to the fridge to take out the carton of orange juice and then poured herself a glass. She couldn't eat, but she could at least get the vitamins from the juice.

"You didn't eat your crackers last night," Dustin said. "They're still on your bedside table."

"I'm not hungry."

Her mom looked at her but didn't say anything. She never did because it never got too bad. Jessica would eat when she felt better. She would only feel better once she knew what was going on with Steve.

"So what's wrong?"

"Not sure anything really is. Steve has a doctor's appointment today. He had an accident at practice and it made his head start hurting again."

"Yikes."

"Yeah, uh, I'm probably going to go over there right after school," she told her mom. "I wanna know what the doctor says and I'd rather Steve tell me in person. He's – he's worried he might not be able to play anymore. Not if it's gonna irritate his injuries."

"That's gotta be hitting him pretty hard," her mom said.

"It is." Jessica looked at Dustin. "Are you riding your bike to school? You're usually gone before me."

"I'm still riding my bike."

"A'right, well, I'm off then."

The fact that Steve wasn't at school was made conspicuous by the fact that he hadn't met Jessica in the parking lot as was his habit so he could walk her to her first class.

She stopped by her locker to get the things she would need for her first few classes. Jonathan and Nancy were nearby at their own lockers and gave her a look when they noticed Steve wasn't with her. They apparently hadn't heard anything about what had happened.

She told them what had happened when they came to her and asked where he was. Nancy showed her concern more openly than Jonathan did, but his brows did furrow a little when he heard that Tommy had pushed Steve down and caused a flare up of his concussion symptoms.

"I might be late to lunch today. I'm gonna try and call him before I come to the cafeteria, see if he's back from the doctor."

"You want me to come with?" Nancy asked. "I can meet you by the pay phone."

Jessica gave her a grateful smile but shook her head.

"Nah, you guys go ahead to lunch. I'm probably not going to eat much anyway. You know how I am when something is wrong."

Jessica left them there, so she could get to English. When she got there, she did as she usually did and took out the things she would need for class. They had done their final draft the day before, so she knew they were starting a new book. It wasn't a long book, but they were going to have a project to do with it, so the teacher had said they would probably be focusing on it until Christmas break in three weeks.

When Billy came in that morning, she didn't speak to him like she normally did, and he didn't say anything for a while either. It wasn't until the teacher started calling them up individually to be assigned one of the books that he started talking.

"I didn't see Harrington's car this morning. Did he come get it last night?"

"What?"

"He was picked up yesterday. His car was still in the parking lot when practice was over."

"Oh." She hadn't paid attention to whether Steve's car had been in the parking lot or not. She'd just expected it to have been there. "I don't know. I don't think so. Hopper probably got it for him."

"Hopper?"

"The chief of police. He was there . . . that night."

"Oh. Yeah, I remember. He gave me a stern talking to."

Jessica's hackles raised at the light tone of Billy's voice. "You know what, he probably should've done more than that. You could've killed Steve."

"I've already apologized for that."

"It doesn't make it okay. You still did it. And you know he might not get to play anymore because of what you did. He's been playing since freshman year, but he can't play if getting knocked around is going to make his concussion worse."

"I didn't knock him down yesterday! It was Tommy."

"I know that!" she hissed. "But it wouldn't have bothered him if he hadn't been hurt already. That's the point I was trying to make. Your actions have consequences, Billy. You can't just do whatever you want."

Billy was called up to get his book, which didn't take very long, and then he was plopping back down into his seat, his mood seeming to have darkened in the short amount of time it had taken to make it back.

"You know, it's not my fault Pretty Boy can't take a hit. I told him he needed to learn to plant his feet."

Before Jessica could even formulate a response, she was called up to get her own book. She was pretty much fuming by now, but she still remembered to ask for another copy of the book they were getting since Steve wasn't going to be there to get it himself.

She refused to even look at Billy when she made it back to her seat. She faced forward and focused on the book in her hand. Frankenstein. She was pretty sure she'd seen the movie with Dustin and the other guys during some movie night in the past, but she'd never read the book. If it wasn't for school, she probably never would've picked it up at all. She wasn't a fan of horror books.

Surprisingly, Billy didn't try to regain her attention – not like he normally would have – and she was grateful. She was so mad she didn't know what would come out of her mouth if he tried talking to her again. She's been okay until Billy had tried to make what had happened at practice somehow Steve's fault. Tommy should never have knocked Steve over, especially since he was still recovering from a head wound.

"I'll need you guys to read the first four sections today in class," the teacher said, standing up to talk. "The book starts out as a group of letters by a character you'll learn more about once you start reading. First, I want to talk a little about the book itself. It's written by someone named Mary Shelley. Why is that important?"

"She's a woman," Jessica said.

"Yes. There was a time when women were looked down on if they took up writing as a profession. Some even used male pseudonyms so people wouldn't know they were women."

Beside Jessica, Billy sighed and slipped further down in his seat. He was probably one of the ones who would have looked down on a female writer.

"The book in front of you came about in quite a unique way. Does anyone know what that way was?"

No one answered, which meant that the teacher was just going to start randomly calling names. Thankfully, no one was ever called on if they weren't suspected of having the answer.

"Mr. Hargrove?"

"Hm?"

"The way this book was made . . . any ideas?"

Billy would never offer an answer on his own, but he usually knew the answer if he was called on. He'd already learned most of what they were studying anyway.

"She was part of a group of authors who decided to compete in making a horror story. Frankenstein is what she came up with."

"Very good. Thank you."

Jessica could see Dustin and his group of friends doing something like that. They sort of already did when they played Dungeons and Dragons.

The teacher went on for a little bit longer before letting the class begin reading on their own. Jessica opened her book, but she couldn't focus on the words on the pages at all. All she got was that the guy in the letters was writing to someone about how lonely he was and how he longed to accomplish something great in his life. Oh, and he was on a ship. She got that too.

Steve was going to be so bored reading this with her.

As she'd said she was going to, Jessica tried to call the Harrington house before going to the cafeteria, but she received no answer. He might have been at the doctor's office still. It was only eleven, and you never knew when you were going to be called back when you had an appointment.

Jessica sighed before leaning against the brick wall. It was cold – the pay phone was outside along the walkway of the school – but she didn't feel like going inside. She wasn't going to eat lunch anyway. Besides, she could call again in a few minutes to see if she could reach Steve.

She rubbed her hands against her face, massaged her temples a few times, before sliding down so she could sit on the cold sidewalk. She pulled the Frankenstein book out of her bag and began to reread what she was supposed to have read in class but hadn't been able to take in.

They had the rest of the week to finish it, much like they had the last book they had been assigned. They would talk about it in class and then have a project to do. The teacher had been very hush-hush about what type of project, so it was probably going to be something the students wouldn't like.

"Why're you sittin' out here in the freezing cold, Jess?"

She knew that stupid voice. It wasn't Jonathan and it wasn't Nancy. She would've been okay with those. Billy she was not okay with.

She could just ignore him. She could, but seriously . . . why was he out here?

"Why are you out here in the freezing cold?" she shot back.

"Takin' a smoke break."

"Ew."

Billy huffed out a laugh.

"You still mad at me?"

"You still gonna be a jerk about Steve?"

Billy slid down the wall to sit beside her and she scooted a little further away because he was suddenly too close.

"Look, I can't control what other people do. I can barely control what I do. But I didn't hurt Harrington yesterday and I don't know how else to say I'm sorry for hurting him in the first place."

She was quiet for a few seconds and then, "You could apologize to him."

"I don't think that would help anything at all. If it's any consolation, I knocked Tommy on his ass after."

Jessica was the one to laugh a little this time. She would've loved to have seen Tommy get knocked down – especially by Billy, since Tommy had started clinging to him like he used to do with Steve.

"Look, I wasn't mad at you at first. But you can't go around blaming other people for things that you do. You need to take responsibility for what you do."

Billy stiffened beside her. "Screw responsibility," he muttered. "I hate that word."

"Well, it's true. Steve might not be able to play anymore."

"What's so bad about that? He doesn't even really seem to like playing."

Okay, so Billy wasn't wrong. Steve liked baseball more than basketball, but it was still something he usually excelled at, so Steve liked doing it.

"It's not really about him liking it. He needed to be able to play so he could get a scholarship, Billy. He was counting on that to help him get into college."

"Can't his daddy just pay for it?" he sneered

Just like in first period, that was probably the worst thing Billy could've said. It made her anger flare up again. It made sense now, though. Billy disliked Steve because Steve had things that Billy didn't – or at least, Billy thought he did.

"You know what? Sometimes I don't know why I bother talking to you. You miss the point by a mile every time. Everyone seems to forget that Steve isn't rich; his parents are. Daddy won't pay for anything if Steve doesn't do what he wants."

She pushed herself to her feet and picked up her bag. She didn't want to be around Billy if he was going to be like that.

"Jess –" he said, hopping to his feet too.

Billy tried to grab Jessica's arm, but she shoved him off.

"Don't touch me. You don't get to do that. You may have ruined someone's future and you don't even care!"

"Well, it's not like I can change what happened, Jess, so what do you want me to do?"

"I don't know. Just this back and forth with you, the hot and coldness of it all, is confusing. Okay? You're kind of giving me whiplash keeping up with you."

"I think you're keeping up just fine." Billy stepped closer, almost closing her in against the wall. "I think this is the girl who popped that guy in the middle of the hallway last year."

For a minute Jessica couldn't move, could barely breathe. She hadn't thought about Jason or the events that had happened in her life because of him in a long time. And here Billy was bringing it all up. Billy could hurt with his words just as much as he could with his fists.

And he really was too close. She could smell mint and smoke on his breath; she could feel the air on her cheek when he exhaled. It was kind of making her light-headed.

"Billy. You need to move."

She brought both of her hands up to push against his chest. All he did was look down at her pitiful attempt. She knew she wouldn't be able to move him if he didn't decide to move himself.

"Please move."

She saw in his eyes when it clicked that he might be scaring her – especially after having reminded her of what had happened the year before. He took a step back, but he grabbed her wrists in his hands. His grip was firm but not rough.

"Look, I'm a jerk, but I'm not that type of jerk. I would never do that to anybody, never hurt anybody like that."

She wasn't even sure how Billy knew anything about what had happened to her – probably Tommy – but she was glad he'd seemed to know she hadn't wanted Jason in any way, that he had been that type of jerk.

She was suddenly aware that this would look really bad if someone saw them. She and Billy were really close together and it kind of looked like they were holding hands.

"I – I have to go. Nancy and Jonathan are waiting for me."

"Hm." He rubbed his thumbs across the front of her wrists before letting her go. "Is that the only reason you have to go?"

"I didn't eat breakfast, so . . ."

"Ah. You don't really eat when Harrington isn't here," he said.

She blinked a few times in surprise. "Okay, it's kind of creepy that you noticed that, but it isn't because he's not here. I can't really eat when I'm worried about something. Food doesn't sit well when I'm feeling high levels of anxiety and you're really not helping right now, so I'm gonna go."

Jessica moved past him, only stopping because he called her name.

"What now?"

"You do know that I wouldn't hurt you that way," Billy said. "Right?"

She shrugged but conceded the point anyway.

"I don't really know you that well, Billy. I feel like you probably don't like the word no, but I also feel that you wouldn't do that, so . . . whatever that means. I really do have to go."

She was just going to have to wait to talk to Steve when she went to his house after school. She needed to be away from Billy right now. She was a little disoriented from him invading her personal space.

It was probably a good thing Steve hadn't been there to see it. He may have gotten into another fight. Then again, Billy probably wouldn't have done it if Steve had been there. He wouldn't have caught her alone at the pay phone if Steve had been there.

She couldn't wait to see him, to find out what was going on, but she also couldn't wait because she was in a really weird head space at the moment and she knew just being in Steve's presence would help her calm down.

She really needed it right now.