21. Escape from Mars (Mark Watney pt2)
Escape from Mars (Mark Watney style)
The Press Conference was about as exhausting as you might expect when you announce your husband is alive, and stranded on Mars. Tony had done the conference buoyant on the news his husband was alive and because he and Annie knew how to play the press. It would control the story narrative, the focus would be the not-so-tragic love story rather than the fact NASA had stranded an astronaut on Mars.
In the main conference room, Teddy Sanders, the Director of NASA, was waiting for them along with Vincent Kapoor, Head of Mars Missions.
“Well, that was masterful,” was Teddy’s judgement.
Vincent frowned because bless him, while he was great at rocket science - it was subtle interactions he missed. “I am not following.”
Tony snorted, “Did you ever let him go in front of the camera?”Annie rolled her eyes, “Not by fucking choice.”Teddy didn’t get it, “You should be happy so why are you still swearing?”Annie Montrose was the best in the business, hence the title. She had on more than one occasion orchestrated events to sweet talk congress out of money. Her personality, to describe it politely, was fiery. Her quirks were ignored on the grounds of her skills - that and Sanders liked the fact there was at least one person who stood up to him.
Tony got it and to be honest he was of the same opinion, “Right now, they are stuck on the romanticism. He is alive and love has a chance.”Sanders winced because he was hoping they could direct the focus away from that narrative, “And soon it will turn to why did NASA strand a scientist on Mars?”Tony shook his head, “No, I will make sure the press steers away from that story narrative but they are going to start asking how are we going to get him off Mars. In all honesty, I would like to know what is the plan to get my husband off that rock and back home?”
Wow.
It turns out silence was not a comforting answer.
****Sol 18 - Personal Diary of Mark Watney
“So this is the personal log of Mark Watney on Sol 18. Yeah ... that’s right ... I am not dead. SURPRISE.”Mark couldn’t help adding the jazz hands because he was an asshole and he knew it would make Tony laugh.
Still, he was serious and he wanted to record a proper entry. “Okay, stupid stuff out of the way and now onto serious things. First of all, I do not blame the crew at all, they had every reason to believe I was dead. The satellite dish stabbed through my biomedical monitor.”Mark took a second to let whoever read this message to absorb what he said. “And finally, Tony, I fucking love you and I will do everything to say fuck Mars and get back to you. If the worst should happen and I don’t make it, know this ... I did everything possible and I want you to live a good life.”
*****
Finding out Mark was alive was the easy part - the difficult part was getting him home. NASA had the best brains on the planet but even they were struggling with this problem. Tony watched the eggheads mill around trying to figure out all the problems Mark might be facing on that stupid red rock. Tony settled a few of the egghead arguments because he knew his husband and it was that simple.
“He will need the supply mission by Sol 192.”Tony shook his head, “It would be great but he won’t.”One egghead rolled his eyes, “He cannot avoid starvation, no matter how good an astronaut he is.”It was Tony’s turn to be sarcastic, “He is a botanist with potatoes ... He will figure it out.”
The scientist frowned, “They would need water.”Tony snorted, “Not only is Mark the ‘King of Botany’, he is an engineer capable of figuring out whatever problems Mars throws at him.”
The JPL lead engineer took a different view to the conversation, “We need to communicate with him.”Mindy Park was the SatCon engineer who had found the first image of Mark still alive. “Well, he is on a trip somewhere and he kitted out the Rover in a heavy way ... He took some hydrazine into the HAB too.”
Teddy looked to his people, “So where is he going and what is he doing with the hydrazine?”
One of the chemists spoke up, “If he is brave enough to set fire to it then he can make water.”
Tony had seen one too many mad scientist experiments of Mark’s. “He will, I just hope he doesn’t get hurt in the process.”
******
SOL 31 - Mars
“Tony, I can say, “ Fuck You Mars as I have figured out how to grow potatoes on a dead planet ... The trouble is, now I have to make water. Well, I know the process but it involves lighting hydrogen on fire and I know how nervous NASA gets about fire.”
Mark looked at the camera and took a deep breath, “Wish me luck.”
Sol 31 ... part deux
Mark appeared again in front of the screen only this time looking a bit singed around the edges. “Well I did it and I did something stupid. I forgot about my breathing. No, that makes no sense, I mean I forgot to take into account the oxygen I exhale.”
He sat down gingerly, understandably on account of having blown himself up. “Still I am undeterred from my quest so I shall suit up this time.”
The second time around he succeeded in making water on a dead planet. “ Come on! Anyone would brag about that achievement - and I’m pretty sure my eyebrows will grow back eventually”.
*****
Back on Earth, Tony was fighting his own battle. The Press.
“So how do you feel knowing your husband is alive?” Asked the one inconsiderate asshole.
Tony knew how to charm people, “Annoyed! I mean can you imagine the next present I buy him? How do I top Mars? ”
He saw Annie smile which made him think he was doing a good job. He picked the next person ... This was going to be a long briefing.
*****
Sol 48 - Diary of Mark Watney
“So Darling, I’ve decided it is time we communicate. If my math is right then it will be close to our anniversary. So I’ve decided to trick out the Rover and take it to find Pathfinder.”
He paused in his speech, knowing it was ambitious. “Look I know it might sound crazy. Pathfinder crashed in ‘97 but it’s my only chance to have email sex with my husband so I will take it.”He smirked, “I may be cold but that doesn’t mean my mind is dead and have you seen the ass on Tony? I would write sonnets to it but that’s not one of my skills. Tony is the creative one out of the two of us. Me. I’m the engineer ... See you in a few.”
*****
Tony had waited until he had some downtime but when your job was dealing with the Press it didn’t keep predictable hours. He got home tired and cranky. The good thing was he was now willing to go home. It hadn’t been a fun place to be whilst he thought Mark was dead because everything there was a reminder of him.
Working with NASA was an excellent distraction. HIs phone rang, “Hey GIbbs ... What’s up?”“Why can’t the Feebs shoot worth a damn?” The frustration was evident in his old friend’s voice.
Tony chuckled, “Well, they’re not all ex-snipers like you. You will have to adjust your expectations.”
Gibbs huffed, “Our team could shoot!”
Tony smiled, “Yeah but Viv was a bitch, Kate was Ex-Secret Service and you trained me.”
Gibbs sighed, “Are you bored playing with the Press yet? You could come and help me.”
Tony snorted, “Yeah maybe but not until Mark is safe.”“A new mission?”Tony was alone in his living room looking at a photo taken on the day they’d exchanged vows. “It is my only one.”
Gibbs’ voice was softer, “And that is all that matters. You get a second chance and I know you won’t give up on that.”
****
Sol 68 - First Contact.
Mark couldn’t quite believe his crazy plan had worked. “Beth Johansen, you are an awesome nerd. Thanks to you I can have complex conversations with NASA. Oh, and talk to Tony so life is feeling pretty good despite being the only person in fifty million miles.”He panned the camera around the HAB to show the little farm he’d grown. “I forgot, I have potatoes!”
You should never be that happy over the thought of potatoes but these were exceptional circumstances. He looked so happy at the little green shoots in a sea of dirt but the feat of ingenuity was huge. He’d grown a crop that would help him survive on a dead planet so he deserved all the plaudits.
****
The day they made contact was a day of celebration. The NASA team allowed themselves a moment to celebrate. This was a miracle. They all knew space was a giant uncertainty and the cruelest mistress you could ever have.
The first message made Tony cry, he was man enough to admit it.
MW
I’m alive as you must have guessed. I am not sure how but please tell me you have a plan to rescue my sorry ass.
Vincent was sitting on a chair feeling such a surge of relief he wasn’t sure how he would be able to contain himself.
VK
That’s good to hear. How are you doing? You should know that we are getting a supply mission together to keep you fed until Ares IV. Tony is giving Teddy hell and having congress eating out of the palms of his hands.
MW
Tony is working for NASA? I am not sure how I feel about this. I will never get away with anything ever again.
Back in SatCon, where the message was being shown across the board, he had to chuckle. It was true. Annie already wanted to give him a bonus. It was a simple thing. He had gone to Congress instead of her on the grounds that she hated every one of them. He had come back with a solution to the current funding crisis and a National cause for the people to rally around so even the White House adored him.
***
Sol 121- Diary of Mark Watney
“So now I can get emails from NASA, the botanists just won’t shut up. They keep telling me how to manage my crops. I mean ... come on, I am the one who grew my crops on a dead planet. I think I am ahead of the curve, right?”To emphasise his point, he flashed the camera over his blooming crops. They may be potatoes and when he got off this god forsaken planet he might not eat a potato based product for a long while. He wouldn’t say forever because he couldn’t see himself never eating another french fry again.
“The other good thing though are the personal emails. Commander Lewis keeps trying to convince me her music is normal but I don’t believe it. I can’t ever listen to another Disco track ever again.”He played the one file which was the familiar tune of Hot Stuff. “I mean I am sad for the commander but I can finally talk to my husband. It is too bad it is freezing up here or I would have done something with that one picture. I mean damn, way to tease a guy from fifty million miles away. It is an incentive to return home so there is that too.”
Mark wasn’t done but it was time to eat his potato for the morning. “Oh and I have been ordered to take a photo. I considered multiple poses but none of them would work with a space suit. I am not sure what I will do yet but I know inspiration will strike soon.”
***
Tony was trying not to laugh. It was a good feeling and one action he’d not undertaken in quite a while. Still, as he looked at the satellite image he couldn’t do anything but laugh. It was a bad idea to laugh as it was sending his bosses stress levels through the roof.
As she ranted to everyone stuck in the meeting, the others one by one saw the image and laughed too.
“What the hell! I ask for a photo and he gives me the Fonz... I can’t post that.”Tony wasn’t so sure. Teddy Sanders seemed to know how to calm Annie the best. Their boss just put his hands out in a placating manner, “Look we will post it when we have a plan.”Tony interrupted, “Do we have a plan?”Vincent was the only one brave enough to answer him, “There are two plans and both are full of risks.”
****
Sol - 178
Mark was not naive. He knew that Mars was a cold and unforgiving taskmaster. His situation highlighted just how much of a bastard it could be. He might be living off a poop potato diet and using seventies disco music for entertainment but he was doing okay.
He should have known better…..
Mark stepped into the HAB having done the maintenance work for the day. He was going through the pressurisation chamber to give him breathable air without a space-suit. It was a routine fine-tuned down to a fine art with the amount of practice he had.
The alarm sounding the minute he pressed the sequence let him know he was in trouble. The problem was he powerless to stop it once he heard the lock click.
The alarm warning quickly turned to a boom. He was thrown in the air like a rag doll bouncing around the small tunnel like it was a tin can. He blacked out when he slammed his head against the wall.
It was so quick he never even got a chance to think any last thoughts.
1/2 a SOL later, an emergency oxygen warning woke him up. It was what would save Mark’s life. Well, he hoped it would. He reached to his waistbelt for the breach kit (Giant extra strong adhesive duct tape). It was a cure for most ills, including massive cracks in your space suit.
Mark knew things were not good. He had to go and assess the damage and see what he could salvage of the HAB but first he needed to take care of himself. If he didn’t then the HAB was a moot point because he would be dead.
He looked in the dark and oxygenless HAB, his heart plummeted seeing the potato crops destroyed. The leaves withered away in the sub zero, poor oxygen atmosphere. He had to ignore it for now so he grabbed the good space suit and took refuge in the Rover vehicle.
Once he sat down, he activated the Rover camera to vent, “Well the HAB just blew up which is just perfect. So that speeds up plans and I better hope the tarp and magic duct tape can fill the hole left by the HAB entrance.”
You could tell just by looking at his face that he was thinking about the problems he now had. Already his brain was whirling with potential solutions. “So I say this with great joy in my heart. It is time to move out and see what’s at the Schiaparelli Crater for me.”
Mark was disappointed over the lost crop but he had already harvested many many potatoes so whilst a setback it wouldn’t kill him in the next few days. It was always about priorities. If the stunt meant you were dead in days then it was stupid and dangerous. If the stunt kept you alive but may kill you in 50 sol days then you start to worry about it around Sol 48.
*****
Annie and Tony were called to a special meeting by Teddy which was never a good thing. Annie looked straight at her Deputy, “Have either of us done anything outrageous?”
Tony shrugged, “Not to my knowledge.”
Annie sighed pinching her nose, “This is going to give me a fucking headache. I just know it.”
Tony had in the last few month come to admire his new boss. His favourite thing was the way she could be rude and cuss out people and still keep her job. He was terrified of introducing her to Gibbs. If she was a redhead they probably would have already been married.
They reached the meeting with the shouting already reaching new heights. Tony didn’t care about hurt feelings or power bases. He figured if they were going to act like school children then he would treat them that way and besides, if Annie and he didn’t know what the problem was then they couldn’t fix it.
Tony put his fingers in his mouth and whistled loudly. The noise stopped that very second and they all looked sheepishly at the new arrivals.
Mitch, who was Director of Flight Control was growling, “The crew could get there in time to rescue him.”Tony eyes narrowed, “So what is the problem Director?”Sanders didn’t cow down, he believed he was right. “The math means the Ares crew would be in space over 900 days.”
Tony pinched his nose, “So you are going to sacrifice my husband without even asking the crew if they would want to go?“It’s too risky.”Tony slammed his hands on the desk, “You may be right but you stand here, on Earth, where Mark isn’t and you are implying he never will be because of whatever reason you want to cook up.”Teddy got in his face, “You are thinking as his husband, not as my Deputy Media Relation Director.”Tony knew the smirk on his face wasn’t the wisest choice. He wasn’t naive and ultimately Teddy had the power to decide his husband’s fate. “ You’re wrong, if the Ares team are willing then they deserve the chance to try. Space is a bitch and Mark is running out of spare lives. Mars will kill him before Ares IV starts. Plus, you know that someone will get the message to them and when the crew decides to do it anyway ... then we will have a mutiny to deal with.”
Sander stood toe to toe, “Are you threatening me?”
Tony didn’t blink as he had stared down terrorists and crazy murderers. “Nope, I am stating the logical facts knowing the team in here, and on Ares and their personal investment. You’re goddamn right I want my husband back but it boils down to this, you do not ever leave a man behind.”
Mitch, the flight director stood up, “Agreed.”
Vincent chuckled, “If you don’t let them go then Teddy you get to tell Melissa Lewis that she had the chance but wasn’t allowed to rescue one of her men.”
Teddy mentally winced at just that thought. The mission may be called Ares but Teddy always thought the mission commander embodied Athena. The arguments were just and sound and argued from several points of view. The simple fact of the matter was that he was accountable and the choice would be a difficult one to justify. He couldn't order the crew to do it but he could let the Ares team decide for themselves.
*****
Sol 211 - The plan
“So NASA rocket scientists have a plan. It’s crazy. I am not judging as I am hanging on by a thread but it’s completely nuts! They want me to take the MAV, remove all the safety features - Oh, that includes propulsion control and shoot myself into SPACE with a tarp over the nose cone.”Mark looked at the camera. He may be driving the Rover but it was a risk free glance. After all, at his current location it was just red dust and not a crater, mountain or even a rock in sight. Risk free driving but also very boring. He figured the video logs would be the best way to liven things up. “Now they keep emphasising that I will be the fastest man in Space like it will help detract from the lunacy of the plan. I am going to use myself as a human cannonball and be caught in space by the Hermes.” Mark actually smiled at the camera,
“They played a dirty trick. They played the husband card and you know what Tony did. He threatened to never sleep with me again unless I let myself get rescued.”
The camera picked up his dopey expression. When you looked at Mark, you could see the tiredness, you could see the weariness seeping into his bones but it all changed when he spoke of Tony.
****Tony was standing in Mission Control barely able to stay in his own skin. After so many struggles, heartaches and more up and down rollercoaster with his emotions, today was the day where the Ares crew were going to attempt to rescue Mark.
He knew the chances of success were slim but he had to hold onto hope. Tony knew the Eggheads couldn't factor in Mark’s sheer stubborn will to survive.
Just like with everything else in the mission, the rescue was not without peril. They weren’t done screwing with his emotions either as the crew had to turn Mark into a human cannonball with Lewis waiting in position to catch him. Mark blacked out with the G’s he pulled and Tony was sure he held his breath for the entire time Lewis was calling out his husband’s name.
Then…. finally…….The sound of Mark’s voice was the sweetest thing he’d ever heard.
Thank god for sheer dumb luck - it worked.
Teddy got to smile today, it was a good day. He looked at DiNozzo and had to embrace him. He wanted to give the man a minute to compose himself. “In ten months, Mark will be splashing down in the Indian Ocean and you will be there to greet him.”
Tony couldn’t quite speak yet as there were so many emotions charging through him. He did manage to whisper, “Thank you.”
****
As promised, Tony was right there when the module touched down on Earth. There was no way he wouldn’t be but even Annie was on his side. He knew Mark was just on the other side of the door and he couldn’t believe the ordeal was over.
Oh, he knew there would be more tribulations to come as NASA had spent a shit ton of money to bring Mark back home and so would basically own him. Although they couldn’t have his ass, that was Tony’s.
The door opened and Tony couldn’t remember ever seeing a better sight. He didn’t care about all the camera clicks around him, or voices clamouring for an answer to their questions. They could suck it as far as Tony was concerned. He found himself moving forward without conscious thought towards the Mark.
Mark’s smile upon seeing him was brighter than the sun. Tony found himself giddy and tearful as he closed the gap between them unable to bear the last few meters apart. He clung to Mark, peppering his face with kisses, earning laughs from the crew and Mark. Tony didn’t care.
He knew how weak Mark still was and was careful to not harm him by being too enthusiastic. He had his husband back on solid Earth and now he was never letting him go. For a few days, Tony doubted whether he would even be able to let Mark leave his sight.
“You are never going anywhere without me again!” Tony declared imperiously.
Mark smirked, “Babe, I colonised Mars, became a human cannonball and was a Space Pirate. I think I can settle down now.”Tony laughed at such a typical comment from Mark. He’d always used humour to deflect a heavy conversation as well. “When we are free ... I am rocking your world.”Mark moved to put an arm around Tony. It served two purposes. Firstly it kept him in close human contact and who better to enjoy that with than your husband. The second purpose was that he still felt pretty weak and had no intention on falling on his ass in front of the World’s Press.
“You already do.”The picture of Tony and Mark walking off arm in arm was the best-sellin picture in the History of the NASA shop. It partially helped to fund the Ares V mission.