Severed Phallus

Ivy and Jackson fall back on the bed, breathing heavily, "Wow. It's been a while."

"Too long. Way, too long," Jackson pants out, "We should go again before-"

Then twins cries ring through the baby monitor, "The birthday kids are wanting attention."

"I still can't believe that they are a year old. I did not give birth a year ago. It was yesterday," Ivy stands, wrapping a blanket around her body.

"With that body, you did not give birth yesterday," Jackson eyes her.

She tosses the baby monitor next to him on the bed, "Go. Get your kids while I shower."

He groans, "I would like to be in the shower with you instead. I hear crying it out is good for kids."

"Nope. Go tend you our children or they will be the only you children you ever have."

"I'm going to get our children."

○○○○

In the E.R., Ivy is trying to talk over people, "Sir, please let go so we can see where the bleeding is!"

The man struggles as Edwards and Ivy try to find the bleeding, "Ahh! My wife!"

The woman next to them hands over a bag, "Here. Take this."

"Sir, please hold still," Edwards says.

"My wife."

"Your wife is fine, sir. Just hold still," Ivy  struggles, "Edwards, anything?"

She shakes her head, "No, no visible abdominal wounds. Sir, would you please let us-"

"My wife."

"We can call your wife," Ivy tells him.

Both him and the woman shoot up, "No!"

The man sits up, "My wife cut off my penis."

"Here," the woman hands a bag to Bailey.

Ivy gives a disgusted look at Bailey opens the takeout container, "Oh, well that's a big one."

The man starts groaning, "Oh, God."

○○○○

They move into a trauma room, "Lets run a CBC Chem 7 and get 2 units of blood ready to go. What's the punishment status?"

Edwards calls over, "Dorsal veins look good."

Ivy nods, "Get it debrided and in saline gauze quickly. More pain meds! Fentanyl 150 IV. And we need to pack him. Cellulose polymer. Gauze!"

Webber walks in with residents behind him, "And as you can see, Dr. Shepherd-Avery is doing the groin tourniquet method as I was telling you about, and Dr. Edwards is attending to the severed...appendage."

"Bleedings under control for now, but we're gonna need a specialist to reattach. Catherine's on the west coast. Shes flying in tonight for the twins birthday. Then heading to San Francisco for a conference. I'll have her come up early," Ivy looks to Webber.

"Is she good?" Her patient groans out.

"Shes...very good, but so is Dr. McMurdo in our urology department here. Call him instead," Webber directs.

Ivy rolls her eyes, "The urethra is very ragged. Catherine's skin flap reattachment technique would greatly increase the odds of a successful reattachment."

The patient groans, "Well, then I want that! I want the one with the superior technique! I've worked with subpar technicians, line cooks who couldn't put out a plate."

Webber keeps fighting, "I assure you, Dr. McMurdo knows all the techniques."

"No. My patient, my call. You have a problem with that, take it up with the board. Edwards, when you're done- actually, nevermind. I'll call Catherine. Webber, please leave me to attend to patient," Ivy dismisses them.

As they leave, Ivy turns, "Have you finished prepping the phallus?"

"Just about."

"Okay, then get it to Jackson ASAP while everything is still viable. Every second we wait, more healthy flesh dies. He's in procedure room four. He knows you're coming. Go!" Ivy directs.

○○○○

"Shes not crazy."

Ivy argues, "She attacked you and injured you badly."

He nods, "I know, but I don't want to call the police. I don't want to press charges. I can't let this get out. Bad for business. You know what happened? Do you want to eat food from my kitchen now?"

She makes a face saying no. He explains, "She had a temper. She's not a criminal. But she won't hurt me again."

○○○○

Ivy smiles at her mother in law as she gets off the helicopter, "Sorry to ask you to come so early! But this patient needs you!"

Catherine hugs her, "Thats okay! How is it?!"

"It was only in the stock pot for two minutes!"

"Okay, good. Then I want to see this penis. But first I want to see the maj that it belonged to," Catherine tells her.

Ivy nods as they get into the elevator, "This is a conversation that I never thought I would have with my mother in law."

Catherine laughs.

○○○○

Ivy pulls back the drap over the patient as Catherine takes a closer look, "That is a nice, clean cut. Hmm.:

Thomas jokes, "I keep my knives sharp."

"Huh. Well, it will make reattachment much easier," Catherine tells him.

Thomas asks, "Will it ever...work again?"

"Mr. Archibald, I don't want you to worry. I've reattached many phalluses. This...situation is not as uncommon as you might think. Your vessels and nerves are intact, so chances are very good that when I'm finished, you'll be able to go right back to doing whatever it is you were doing before you got yourself into this mess," Catherine says.

"Jacksons prepped the phallus, and its in the O.R. waiting for you. And I'll be assisting during surgery," Ivy informs her mother in law.