Chapter 19

Jackson and I were in bed sleeping when all of a sudden I felt myself falling off the bed and I heard screaming. Jackson was having a nightmare again and had knocked me off the bed which happens frequently.

"Jackson, sweetie wake up." I sigh, which he doesn't hear at all. "Jackson wake up!" I shout waking him this time.

"Charles, where's Charles?" Jackson says looking around the room thinking he's still in his dream.

"Baby calm down. You were having a nightmare. It was a dream." I assure him sitting beside him and rubbing his back soothingly.

"I'm sorry, I woke you didn't I?" He asks placing his head in his hands.

"Don't worry about that Jackson. I'm worried about you. You need to get help for this" I say. I'm really concerned about him and I wanted him to get help. He has been having nightmares pretty much every night since the shooting and I hated seeing him like this.

"Is it almost time for work?" He asks changing the subject.

"Yeah, it's 6pm." I say. We are on the night shift tonight and had to be to work by 7:30.

I got up and did my hygiene and got dressed then went to the kitchen to fix some coffee hoping it would give me some energy because all I wanted was to go back to sleep. I just hope tonight is not busy so I can catch a quick nap.

As I was sitting down drinking my coffee my phone starts ringing and I see it's Derek.

"What?" I answer.

"Why so grumpy?" He chuckles.

"Why so happy," I reply.

"Because I have some good news." He says.

"My shift is cancelled and I can go back to sleep?"

"No, even better." He says.

"What is it?" I ask.

"I got the Phillips grant." He says.

"Oh my God, really." I smile. I know how much this grant meant to Derek because he wants to work towards a Alzheimer's cure especially because the disease affected Meredith's mother.

"Yeah, really." He laughs.

"I'm so happy for you Derek." I smile.

"Thank you. This is good news for you too because you are going to be my right hand during this. While I'm focusing on research you're going to be the primary doctor over my cases." He says.

"Wait, so I'll get to operate for you?" I ask.

"A lot of the times yes. Of course Dr Nelson or I will be in the operating room with you to direct you, but you'll be doing all the hard work for the most part."

"Thank you so much Derek." I smile.

"Don't thank me you earned this. When I saw you stop that bleeder without any assistance you proved you're ready to lead." He says.

"You're the best Derek Shepherd." I say.

"I know, now get ready for your shift." He says before we both hang up.

Hearing that news automatically put me in a good mood. Being able to take lead during surgical procedures was one of the perks of being a now 5th year resident.

I waited for Jackson to come downstairs then I drove over to Meredith's to pick up her, April, and Alex since we were car pooling today.

"Nice face." I hear Jackson say to Alex as I'm driving.

"At least I can still do surgery, how's that hand?" Alex asks.

"It would be better if you hadn't ran your face into it." Jackson jokes.

"Are you two seriously back there joking about the fight? It's not funny." I frown.

"Relax, some people know how to get over stuff." Alex says.

"You're sitting on my jacket." April complains to Alex.

"And some people can't." Alex says glancing at April. We make it to the hospital where we are assigned to our services

I'm normally on neuro, but I was on trauma with Jackson today, but I didn't mind. I like to be close to him so I can keep a check on him after he has nightmares.

Jackson and I start charting when Owen calls Jackson over to talk to him. I can tell Jackson is tense but I can't hear what they're talking about. Owen walks off and we start back charting. A little while passes and our pager is paged 911.

"Should we call Hunt? He said call if we had any major traumas." I say.

"We're not calling Hunt." Jackson shakes his head.

"You're swamped. We had to split trauma three and put them both in there." A nurse tells us.

"Did you call Dr. Hunt?" I ask the nurse.

"We are not paging Hunt." Jackson says again sternly.

"Fine." I huff. We get started working on our patients who are two brothers who tried to outrun a train and suffered a collision. I start examining my patient and automatically notice the extensive damage done.

"Dr. Avery come take a look at this." I call. Jackson comes over and once he sees how badly the patient is hurt he tells the nurse to call Hunt like I suggested in the first place.

Dr. Hunt gets there fast and we begin working on our patient while Jackson works on the other patient. We try our best to repair the injuries, but our patient flat lines and we can't revive him.

"Time of death 20:48." Owen whispers so that his brother won't hear.

After that we rush his brother to surgery to repair his injuries.

Once we get in and open him up we see that pieces of dashboard and glass are embedded in his stomach. A nurse notifies us that the parents have arrived. Hunt sends me out to let them know what is going on since Jackson refuses to leave the surgery, so I leave to go meet them. I see them in the waiting room and introduce myself

"I just left Lucas in the operating room he's critical. It's very touch and go at this point, but we will keep you updated on his condition." I say.

"And Riley, how is Riley? Our other son." The parents ask.

"No ones spoken to you about Riley?" I ask realizing I was going to have to tell them that their son is dead.

"No, we've been out here the whole time." The mom sniffles.

"Mr. and Mrs. Nash, I am sorry to say that despite our best efforts Riley's injuries were to severe and he died in the emergency room." I say causing them to break down and cry hysterically. This was honestly the worst part of being a doctor, telling the family members that their loved ones were gone. After I left them with the nurse I returned to the OR.

"Please tell me he's going to make it. The parents didn't even know the brother died. How do you live with yourself..." I begin to say to Hunt until Jackson interrupts.

"Shut up, just shut up!" Jackson yells making everyone stare at him. "Sorry, it's just this is a tricky part right here." Jackson says. I didn't even make a big deal out of it, I just focused back on the surgery again. Something was obstructing Jackson from cutting and as we try to remove it we get a bleeder.

"I'll take it from here." Owen says trying to repair the bleeder.

"No, I got it." Jackson says continuing to operate until he has stopped the bleeder

"Nice work Avery." Hunt says. We successfully finish the surgery and take the patient back to his room then Jackson and I go to the desk to look over our charts

"Jackson, you know you can talk to me if you need to." I say.

"About what?" He asks.

"I hear you when you have nightmares. It's understandable. I understand, I went through it too and I shut you out, but I'm here to listen. We went through something traumatic and it's best to talk about it or it can turn into a real problem." I say.

"You know I had a good night. I just saved that kids life, but you're actually making it feel like a bad night, so what is your problem." He says walking off. I was really trying to be there for him, but it was difficult with him pushing me away. I finished charting then I go take the parents to see their son. I walk out the room where Jackson is standing in the hallway.

"Should I wait to tell them about the high risk of infection? I mean they've been through so much today. They deserve at least a couple of hours of some type of relief." I sigh.

"No, just tell them he's going to feel pretty awful that he lived and his brother died. That every time he feels glad to be alive, he'll hate himself for it. Just tell them to look out for that. He won't want to talk about it, but he'll be glad they know." He says.

"Okay." I smile, knowing that was his way of opening up to me.

After that our shift is over and we're all exhausted and couldn't wait to get home. It was a long night.