fifty-nine

as she laid down on the examination bed inside the O.B. room. Jackson stood beside her, caressing her hair gently. Allison placed her hand on top of her belly, and Jackson placed his hand on top of hers for comfort. Dr. Martinez entered the room and greeted the couple as she placed the cold gel on top of her belly as she did the ultrasound.

"That's your baby." Dr. Martinez pointed to the screen causing the two doctors to take a look, "In some cases like yours Anencephaly can be missed in the first trimester. He has an absence of cranium, the fetal head looks like a lemon."

"Shouldn't Dr. Matthews be doing our ultrasound?" Jackson questioned the O.B in front of them, since Dr. Matthews was their primary doctor. Dr. Martinez, wiped the gel off Allison's belly and nodded.

"Dr. Matthews is on leave, she got married two weeks ago." Dr. Martinez explained before changing the subject, "It is possible for your baby to be born prematurely and he could pass away before, during, or soon after birth, you can choose whether you like to finish the term or you could terminate."

"Did—did I do this to my baby?" Allison asked, looking at the O.B. She couldn't help but feel like it was her fault in a way.

"Absolutely not. This was a bad spin of the genetic wheel." Dr. Martinez explained, "You didn't do anything wrong. You're almost at the end of your fifth month."

Jackson looked at his wife, who looked at him. The two haven't discussed what they should do any further, but Allison knew what she wanted. She re-called what Amelia told her about her son. Allison looked at Dr. Martinez, "I want to donate my baby's organs, so he can save other babies."

Dr. Martinez looked at her she hesitated, "Dr. Avery—"

"I know that the law states that a declaration of brain death has to be made before procuring the organs, but my baby has no brain and it's illegal but I need something to come out of this." Allison stated, "Please, let something good come out of this."

Dr. Martinez looked at Jackson, who nodded his head. She sighed and nodded, "Okay."

"Dr. Grey, and Dr. Karev will be part of the surgical team to do it." Allison said. She wanted her friends to do this, she knew they would do this for her. Allison's eyes welled up with tears as Jackson held her hand.

Allison and Jackson made their way outside the room, and sat on the bench by the Nurse's Station. He knew they needed a change of scenery, the hospital just stressed both of them out, "We could go to the beach."

"Can we just go back to the apartment?" Allison gently asked and Jackson nodded, the two walking out of the hospital. "Jackson, I know we didn't talk about what I said, and I don't want to terminate, I want to carry him in my arms when he's here and donate his organs." Jackson gave his wife a look, but she shrugged it off, "I want something good to come out of this, and I don't want to fight."

Jackson wrapped his arms around her, and nodded, "Okay."

***

All night, she couldn't sleep. All she thought was about her baby, her son—they don't even have a name. The nursery is all done but it won't have a baby to live there. Jackson slid into the bed beside her. "You're awake."

"Hm. I can't sleep." Allison hummed, her back facing him, "Jackson, what if we don't survive this?"

"We will survive this." Jackson assured wrapping his arms around her.

"We have to tell our friends and family." Allison's voice cracked but she cleared her throat. The two stayed like that for the rest of the night, his hand wrapped around her as sleep overcame them.

***

Jackson kissed Allison's forehead when they reached the hospital, they took two days off and Allison felt like it was time to work, to distract herself. She couldn't dwell on the sadness of her baby not living. She wanted to help Amelia with Dr. Herman's surgery and figure out the tumor, Jackson had hesitated in allowing her but she assured him that it was what she needed.

Allison walked inside the C.T. room, where she found Amelia looking through notes. The door closed behind her as she spoke, "Hey, how's it going?"

"By millimeters." Amelia sighed, "I talked to the residents yesterday and no one thinks we can do this."

"We have a plan, and we're the only ones who can see the endgame and we're not wrong." Allison assured her.

"It's scary."

Allison nodded, she thought about her baby but she knew Amelia was talking about the tumor. Allison cleared her throat, "We'd be fools if we weren't scared."

Amelia hesitated in asking. She didn't know how Allison is feeling and she didn't want for the pregnant doctor to snap at her, "How'd it go with—"

"We're going full term." Allison informed her. "I suggested to—can we not talk about this? I just want to work on the tumor."

Amelia nodded, understanding the feeling. The two looked through the notes, and the scans to see how they would remove the tumor when Stephanie walked inside. The resident was surprised to see Allison back at work but she didn't mention anything about it, instead she looked at them, more specifically Amelia.

"What you were talking about yesterday, the whole big, beautiful body? Um, I think I get it. I think." Stephanie glanced between the two, "So you do the fluorescein first."

"Tell me why." Amelia narrowed her eyes.

"So you can keep an eye on the pituitary stalk even though you're nowhere near it." Stephanie said.

"Because?" Allison asked.

"Because you both want to appreciate the whole thing at once." Stephanie said, "Right?"

"Yes. Thank you." Amelia nodded, appreciating that someone other than Allison got what they were trying to do. Allison gestured to the seat next to her for Stephanie to sit down and she softly nodded and sat down next to Allison.

***

Allison paged Meredith and Alex to the nursery once she believed Meredith was done with her surgery. Her eyes gazed down at the newborn healthy babies, some were sound asleep and others were cooing, her eyes welled up with tears knowing she wasn't going to have a healthy newborn.

Meredith walked towards her, eyebrows frowned not knowing why she was paged here, "Allison, what's wrong?"

Seconds later Alex walked in, his eyebrows furrowed with confusion and he glanced at Meredith who only shrugged in response. Allison's eyes were trained on the babies.