153. Chapter 153

Alex is so focused on saying what she needs to say, on getting it out just like she practiced, that she doesn’t notice the way Maggie doesn’t seem to know how to react when she calls her amazing.

She’s so caught up in coming out, in her feelings and in her ebullience that she doesn’t notice that Maggie never seems to know how to react – or reacts negatively – when Alex asks who would break up with her, why anyone would not like her, when Maggie deflects with a teasing joke when Alex calls her a great cop.

But when they start dating, Alex starts noticing.

When she brings Maggie into the DEO and tells J’onn that her genius girlfriend figured out where to hit Cadmus next, go on, tell him, babe, it’s so brilliant, Maggie’s eyes get wide, and she gulps a little too hard, and she keeps it together because they’re in front of people, but her body language screams fear and her body language screams confusion.

When she shows up to pick her up for a date and she splutters because Maggie, you look beautiful. I mean, you’re always beautiful, I mean, you know, you have mirrors in the apartment, of course you know, how could you not know, you’re beautiful all the time, but just right now, you look even more beautiful, which I mean come on, who knew that was even possible?, Maggie lowers her eyes and the small smile on her lips looks forced, feels forced, is forced.

And when Alex has her pressed against the wall and is kissing her neck and tracing her way up Maggie’s jawline and whispering into her ear you are so amazing, Mags, Maggie stops panting and Maggie stops whining and Maggie stops grabbing at her, because Maggie just freezes.

Alex pulls back, and Alex takes her face into her hands, and Alex knows it’s time to talk about it.

“You get so upset when I compliment you, babe.”

Maggie sighs and Maggie looks down and Maggie shrugs and Maggie slinks around Alex and away from the wall, to the couch, to her abandoned bottle of beer.

She drinks deeply and she sighs again and she forces herself to look up at Alex. “Well, it’s not something I’m used to, Danvers. From girlfriends, from… from anyone, really. And when girlfriends did compliment me, it tends to be as an apology for treating me like shit, because they want something, because I’m not worth anything unless I’m giving someone something, apparently – ”

Alex swallows rage and Alex swallows tears and Alex kneels in front of Maggie and takes her hands and kisses each knuckle, each scar, each finger, each vein.

“Maggie, I only ever want to make you feel good. That’s it, that’s all, I promise – ”

“No, I know that – ”

“You deserve to know more than that, Maggie. You deserve to feel special, and smart, and beautiful, and loved, and respected, and perfect, because you are, Maggie. And I… I’m not gonna stop, because you deserve to hear it every day. If… if that’s okay.”

Maggie sighs and Maggie stares down at her wide-eyed, earnest girlfriend, and a small smile starts tugging unbidden at her lips.

“I think I could try to get used to that, Danvers.”

“Good, Sawyer. Very, very good.”