165. Chapter 165

Maggie might be the detective in the relationship, but she isn’t the only one who can detect.

It doesn’t take long for her to piece together that she’s not the only one this relationship is difficult for.

For her, it’s because she’s never felt all these things before, she’s never done all these things, and it’s all just so new and exciting and terrifying and what if she’s not the perfect girlfriend but god does she want to be.

But for Maggie, Alex is coming to figure out, the relationship is different for an entirely different set of reasons.

It’s not as much in the words Maggie says, but in the way her body shrinks, the way her voice shrinks, the way her entire energy shrinks, whenever Alex gestures unexpectedly, whenever Alex is laying down reading and gets an idea about something or other for her lab and sits up quickly, suddenly, wildly.

Maggie always flinches away, flinches in, flinches hard, and though she manages to always hold in a gasp, there’s always cold fear in her eyes and resigned determination in her jaw.

That same cold fear comes floods her eyes when she has to ask Alex to get something on a higher shelf when she’s cooking at they’re staying in Alex’s apartment. Especially when Alex is otherwise occupied and Maggie has to ask her to go out of her way, she asks small, she asks timid, she asks with six sorries beginning the sentence and six sorries ending the sentence.

And when she has to cancel a date because there’s an emergency at work, she sends Alex at least eight different apology and how can I make it up to you texts before Alex has the chance to even respond to the first one.

So when Alex brings her flowers for the first time – blushing and beaming and bouncing on the balls of her feet – it doesn’t take her long to figure out why Maggie flinches backward, why Maggie cries, why Maggie shakes her head and refuses to speak and just keeps apologizing, apologizing, apologizing.

Because when Alex refuses to be angry, when Alex refuses to be offended, when Alex refuses to leave, Maggie breathes somewhat more steadily, and Alex waits, and then Maggie talks.

“Right out of college, my ex, she would uh… she would bring me flowers after she’d…” Maggie sighs and shakes and idly fingers one of the scars on her arm. “And she’d be mad at me when they died, even though they’re fucking picked flowers, they’re already basically dead, because I couldn’t take care of anything, or myself, let alone her, and I told her to just not get me flowers then but she would anyway and I – “

“Mags,” Alex is kneeling in front of her, now, leaning up to kiss her slow tears, now. “I will never lay a finger on you. I will never try to convince you that the world is your fault. I will never be mad at you for asking me for something you need, and I will never be mad at you for being good to yourself. I will, however, track down this girl and kill her for you. That I’ll do gladly.”

Maggie chuckles and Alex smiles and leans her forehead up to rest on Maggie’s.

“I will always treat you like you deserve to be treated, Maggie. Like you’re loved. Because I do. Love you.”

Maggie swallows and Maggie tries to breathe because she’s searching for the lie in Alex’s eyes and she can’t find it, and she smiles, because maybe, just maybe, this one won’t sting.

She grows to love when Alex brings her flowers, and Alex knows, and Alex brings them to her all the time.