271. Chapter 271

She spends the nights laying up in bed, a thin sheen of sweat still clinging to her bare skin, because she’s just waiting.

Because it’s happened before.

Faking an orgasm – not that she’s faking now, god, god, she doesn’t have to fake a damn thing anymore – and feeling his (hers, now, and god, god, how could she not have known?) and he’ll be gone in the morning, no matter how many times he told her it was great, no matter now many times he told her she felt incredible; he’ll just be gone in the morning, every time, every guy. Which is fine because it wasn’t ever good for her anyway, she was just trying to feel something anyway, she just always failed again anyway, but you’d think she’d be worth at least a phone call the next day, right?

But it was always just sex, and it was fine with her, it was, because she didn’t want them, with their clumsy hands and careless thrusts, but she wanted… to be worthy. She wanted to be more. More than just a warm body to get off on, in. More than just a good fuck on a Friday night when she should have been at the lab.

It never stung, not exactly, because it was always uncomfortable anyway, always mildly repulsive anyway.

But now?

Now, there’s Maggie.

Now, there’s Maggie, and her laughter makes Alex’s heart backflip.

Now, there’s Maggie, and the way she says her name – over dinner, on the phone, at game night, in the field, underneath her body in bed – makes Alex’s entire body swoon.

Now, there’s Maggie, and she’s smart, and she’s tough, and she’s beautiful… so beautiful.

And Alex is wildly in love.

So when Maggie tears her throat on Alex’s name, Alex tries not to get her hopes up, because it’s probably just sex to her.

And when she asks if it’s okay before she scrapes her nails down Alex’s back, Alex tries not to feel cared for, because for sure Maggie’s done this before, for sure it’s nothing more than common courtesy to her.

And when she tells Alex how amazing it feels to be inside her, how beautiful she is, how incredible her body feels, Alex tries not to let her heart take in the words, because it’s just dirty talk, it’s just sex talk, it’s just… sex.

It has to be.

And she’s a secret agent, and a damn good one, and she prides herself on her poker face, but now?

Now, there’s Maggie.

And Maggie sees right through her.

“Alex, what’s wrong?” she asks as she’s pulling Alex close to her after they’ve both cum – and Alex is still trembling from that, because god, god, god, that’s never happened before – and concern is etched all over her perfect face. “Did I hurt you, babe, did I go too fast, did I – “

“No, no. It’s fine, it was… amazing, Maggie, everything’s…”

But Maggie’s head is tilted and her eyes are soft and her hands are gentle and her face is patient and kind and… something like loving, Alex dares to, maybe, hope.

“You can tell me anything, Alex, it’s okay.”

She’s fought off entire armies, goddammit. She can say an honest damn sentence in bed with a beautiful woman.

Right?

Right.

“It’s not just sex for you, is it? Like, I mean, it’s great, right, having sex with you, it’s great, it’s amazing, I’ve never… it’s amazing, Maggie, and don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to stop having it, but I don’t just… I don’t just want that, I don’t just want sex, I… but… for you, is it – I mean, I don’t want to be clingy, god, I’m not – “

“Whoa whoa whoa, Danvers, slow down.” She puts a gentle finger to Alex’s lips and Alex kisses it automatically and Maggie’s eyes light up softly, perfectly, and Alex tries not to feel loved, because what if she’s wrong? Because Maggie is perfect, and she’s so… broken, and damaged, and inexperienced, so how could it possibly be anything other than… sex?

“Alex, I would never…” Maggie bites her lip and strokes Alex’s hair and blinks tears away from her eyes. “I get it. Feeling insecure like that. Alex, I feel that way all the time. You… how could a gorgeous, genius woman like you even give me the time of day, let alone… share my bed? I… Alex, those questions you just asked me? I want to ask you those all the time, too. Because I… I’m crazy about you, Alex, and I just… yes, yes, I just want to kiss you, but I don’t only want to kiss you. I want… I want everything with you, Alex, I want to… to build things with you.”

“Like… Legos?”

“Nerd.”

“You said build things.”

“A life, Danvers. I wanna build a life with you, I… I’m wild about you, Alex. You could never, ever just be sex to me. You are so much more than that, I promise you. And if you ever feel insecure like that? Then I will move entire continents to make sure you know how I feel about you. Because how I feel… how I feel is amazing. I’ve never felt this way before, for anyone. You’re special, Alex. You’re perfect. I promise.”

“So you’re saying you like me?”

“You’re never gonna let that one go, are you?”

“You love it.”

“I do, Danvers. I do.”