316. Chapter 316

Maggie’s used to taking care of people.

She’s used to it because it’s really all she ever does.

She overempathizes – she always has – but not deep, not hard, not desperate.

Because what she told Alex is true: there aren’t a lot of people that she cares about. Like, really cares about.

Abstractly, she cares about everybody. It’s why she is who she is.

But personally, passionately?

She cares about Alex.

A lot.

So when Alex sinks into a deep depression after Jeremiah, after almost losing Kara again, again, again, and when Alex tries – hard – not to drink, and fails once, and fails again, and Maggie picks up the pieces, she’s happy to do it.

Happy to do it, because god, she loves her, she loves her, she loves her.

Which is precisely why it’s so hard to watch Alex gasp for breath, tears streaking down her face, apologizing, apologizing, apologizing, her words slurring and the kisses she tries to give her sloppy – kisses that Maggie doesn’t accept because “not like this, baby, not when you’re drunk” – tasting like whiskey.

Which is precisely why it’s so hard to watch Alex sit on the couch, remote in hand, bottle of club soda open next to her, eyes vacant, not moving, not doing anything but staring at god knows what on the television, for hours, hours, hours on end.

She and Kara develop shifts.

To be with her. To take care of her.

Because alone time is important.

But right now, for Alex, alone time is a bit dangerous.

It was going to be Maggie’s night – they were going to watch movies and cuddle.

But she watched a child nearly die in the field today, and she can’t, she can’t, she can’t, be even partially responsible for someone else’s mood, for taking care of someone right now.

She calls her, though, because she needs to make sure.

Needs to make sure Alex feels loved. Feels cared for. Feels adored.

Because she is, she is, she is.

“Hey babe, how you doing?”

“Bored. I want an invasion or an explosion or something.”

Maggie grins and shakes her head faintly. “You’re in a league of your own, Danvers. Listen, I was thinking about tonight – would it be okay if I duck out of movies and Kara comes over instead? I had a rough case today, and I kind of just wanted to blow of some steam and lose my cool a little bit – “

“No, no, of course. Kara’s here right now, I – hey, wanna do a movie tonight?”

Maggie pulls the phone away from her ear at the sound of Kara’s excited squeal. There’s shuffling and static and then Kara’s voice takes over from Alex’s.

“Hey Maggie! I have just the musical in mind for me and Alex to watch! But um…”

Maggie hears footsteps, and Kara is clearly walking rapidly away from her sister.

“Are you okay?”

Maggie sighs. “Yeah, Little Danvers, I just… I need to take care of myself a bit, I need – “

“Yeah. Yeah, of course Maggie, whatever you need. Should I send Winn and James over to your place with boxing gloves and beer?”

She’s ready to say no.

No because she already feels horrible – like she’s abandoning Alex, pawning her off onto Kara, like she’s being a terrible girlfriend, like she’s being unsupportive and insensitive and a general, all around selfish asshole – by canceling their date, but she can barely breathe because her own depression is so strong, she can barely fight the gravity pulling at her chest because the weight of her own hurt is so heavy.

But Kara would die to protect Alex.

Hell, Kara has none of Alex’s ruthlessness, but she would kill to protect Alex.

And Kara isn’t angry. Kara isn’t calling Maggie selfish and accusing her of abandoning her sister.

Instead, Kara is offering to send in the cavalry to make sure that Maggie, too, is getting what she needs.

And the idea of Winn with boxing gloves really is hilarious.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay, ask them. Please.”

“Great! Okay, let me give you back to Alex – “

“Little Danvers – thank you.”

“Thank you, Maggie. I’m proud of you. Here’s your girl.”

“Hey.”

“Hey beautiful. I’m sorry – I think Kara’s gonna make you watch another musical.”

“Pfft. That’s what she thinks.”

“Al.”

“Maggie?”

“You know I love you, right, babe? And you know I’m so proud of you for how strong you’re being, with everything that’s going on?”

There’s a long silence, and she thinks she hears Alex sniffle.

“I love you too, Mags. Have a good time unwinding with the boys tonight, okay? Maybe we can get breakfast in the morning?”

“I’d love that.”

And, in the morning, she does.

But she also winds up loving her night.

Because James and Winn don’t ask questions when they come over.

Winn has pizza and beer, and James has a gym bag, and he admires the heavy bag Maggie has set up in the corner of her studio while Winn bustles through her kitchen grabbing plates and tugging through drawers for her bottle openers.

They don’t talk about anything real until James and Maggie have finally taught Winn to throw a proper punch, Maggie showing him how to align his fist, James helping him rotate his hips properly.

Winn begs for a break – “I finally did it right! Gotta go off on a high, right?” and collapses onto her couch with a slice and a bottle in his hands. He watches Maggie wrap her wrists, James steady the bag, and Maggie dig into it with perfect form, with perfectly dispassionate passion.

Of course Alex is in love with her.

Winn cheers her on around mouthfuls of pizza and gulps of beer and she grins and punches harder.

But her punches become less about form and more about rage after a while, and James and Winn exchange glances. Winn changes tactics.

“So how’s she doing? Your woman?” he in between Maggie’s blows and James’s soft encouragement.

Maggie freezes and James gently reminds her to relax her shoulders, and her nearly clips the side of his face with the force of her next punch.

“Not great.”

Jab, jab. Uppercut.

“I mean, of course she’s great. She’s amazing. I just… It’s never hurt me this much.”

Jab. Uppercut. Jab jab. Kick. Hook. Hook. Kick.

“What’s never hurt you this much?” James asks, eyes on Maggie’s, hands bracing the bag.

She slams into it until she can’t anymore.

“I love her. I love her. I love her like I’ve never loved anyone, and watching her hurt? It… it makes me want to… to murder people, you know, but… but sometimes there aren’t any people to murder, sometimes it’s just… brain chemistry or something, you know, and I can’t do anything about it, at all, so it’s helpless, I’m helpless, and I just… I love her. You know? I just love her so much.”

She rests her forehead on the bag for a moment, panting, sweating, staring at nothing in particular. At anything but James or Winn’s face.

The boys glance at each other, James with a soft smile on his face, because god, Alex has long deserved someone who loves her like this.

Winn swallows a gulp of pizza – he’d stopped chewing while Maggie was talking – and stares at her for a long moment.

“You know what makes everything better, Maggie?”

She grunts and halfway turns her face in his direction.

“Pizza.”

“You know I can still toss you in lockup for fun,” she deadpans, but she tugs off her wraps and grabs a slice, collapsing on the couch next to him anyway. James follows suit and settles on the floor in front of them.

“You know Lois almost died. A lot. When Lucy and I were together. Hazard of being Superman’s girlfriend, I guess. And Lucy would really get… well, down. She’d collapse in on herself, kind of like Alex tends to do.”

“It’s not a coincidence they’re both soldiers,” Winn chugs his beer, and Maggie toasts him silently, thoughtfully, with her own bottle.

“And it was hard. Watching her going through it, and feeling like I couldn’t do anything about it. But what you’re doing right now, Maggie? Taking a night to take care of yourself, to make sure you have the boundaries you need? Letting yourself acknowledge when you have your own tough day, and do what you need to do for yourself? That’s just as important as taking care of Alex directly, Maggie.”

“The man speaks the truth, Sawyer,” Winn chimes softly, and Maggie exhales slowly, softly.

“I’m not abandoning her?”

She keeps her voice steady and she keeps her voice invulnerable, but the question itself almost tears her throat on the way out anyway.

“No.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Anyway, Alex told me she’s going to make her watch Not Another Teen Movie.”

“Alex hates that movie,” Maggie’s brow furrows.

James grins. “Kara hates it more.”

“That’s… unexpected.”

“The Danvers girls are unpredictable,” Winn declares, and Maggie grins.

“And lovable. Super, super lovable.”

The boys both sigh with soft, resigned grins, and all three of them drink – deeply – at the same moment.

“Yep. Yep, they are.”