393. Chapter 393

Alex is laughing, and Alex is reaching for her hand, and Maggie was laughing a moment ago, too, but then she pulls away.

Hard.

She doesn’t mean to.

She doesn’t mean to, and she doesn’t want to.

She wants Alex’s touch – she craves it like she craves oxygen, it’s physically painful to not be touching her skin at every single moment – but she pulls away.

Because his memory is wiped.

He doesn’t remember.

But other people might.

Be watching.

Other men who’ve decided they’re entitled to Alex’s body, to Alex’s love. Hell, other men who’ve decided they’re entitled to hers.

And if someone can go that long, watching both of them – a detective and a secret fucking agent, for god’s sake – without either of them noticing?

Well, you really can’t be too cautious, can you?

Because Maggie remembers.

Remembers the consequences of making her affection for women known.

But she was the one who suffered for that.

Only her.

But this time? This time was worse. Worse than her father kicking her out, worse than her mother letting him, worse than her aunt’s indifference and worse than her entire town’s disdain.

Worse, because this time, Alex was tortured. This time, Alex almost died.

So Maggie pulls away and she suppresses a scream, because she’s been reliving it all every night, every night, but god, please, not during the day, too.

Alex stops walking, and Maggie’s stomach sinks.

“Maggie?” is all Alex says, and Maggie wishes she had Kara’s ability to just take off.

Not that she’d leave Alex.

Not that she’d go anywhere without Alex.

So she has no choice. But to tell her.

She was going to tell her anyway.

But this was their first day outside the DEO med bay, their first day outside of Alex’s bedroom.

Alex had only just started smiling again.

She was going to tell her, just not… so soon.

But now she’s looking at her, with that look, with that face.

And Maggie knows that her bad habits – the keeping things from her, to protect her, she tells herself – are surfacing again.

Dammit.

“Maggie, what?” Alex repeats when Maggie forgets to respond.

“Not here, Alex, I – “

“Not here, what? You don’t want to tell me what’s wrong here or you don’t want to hold my hand here?”

“I – both, I – Alex, please, can we go somewhere? Somewhere private?”

But nowhere is private.

Nowhere is private, and she’s been coping with it. She doesn’t want Alex to have to, as well.

“Alright. Alright, come on, let’s go home. Can I put my arm around you?”

Maggie wants to say no. Wants to scream no.

But they’re safe.

They’re safe and she wants Alex. Wants her touch, wants her affection. Wants her warmth, wants her love.

Wants to feel her heartbeat, because she needs to remind herself it’s still beating.

“Yeah.”

Alex nods slowly, puts her arm around Maggie slowly.

Half of Maggie’s body melts in relief, and the other half stiffens in terror.

She tells her the moment they get inside.

She tells her everything.

Everything, and she tries not to cry, because this was about Alex, not her, not her, not her, and she’s sorry, she didn’t mean to make it about her, but Alex is cutting her off, kissing away her tears, framing her face with her hands because, “babe, this is about us. Us. You and me. Not just me alone. You’re allowed to be upset, you’re allowed to cry. You’re allowed to be scared.”

Maggie tries to tut. “I’m not scared.”

Alex smiles softly, and Maggie mirrors the action, grateful when Alex brings her forehead down to touch hers.

They stay there, breathing each other’s breath for a long, long moment.

“We’ll talk to Winn. About extra security measures. He’ll figure all of it out, if he hasn’t been doing it already. Okay? And in the meantime… in the meantime, or even after, if you don’t want to touch in public, we don’t have to, alright? It’s okay, Maggie, I don’t want you to be scared – “

“I don’t want you to feel like I’m… ashamed of you. Of us. Because I’m not.”

She says the first part broken. She says the last part fierce.

And Alex loves her broken. And Alex loves her fierce.

“Maggie, I know you’re not ashamed of me. Of us. You’re the one who taught me to… to be myself, Maggie. How could I ever think you’re ashamed of us?”

Maggie gulps and she blinks out burning tears. “I can’t lose you, Alex.”

“You won’t. You won’t, I promise you. I held on, remember?”

“You held on,” Maggie whispers, entire body quaking in Alex’s arms.

“It doesn’t matter how long it takes, Maggie. For you to feel safe. I’ll be here. The entire time.”

“You promise?”

“I promise. I love you, Maggie Sawyer.”

And that’s the perfect thing to say, because that will always, always, always make Maggie smile.

“I love you too, Alex Danvers. I love you so damn much.”