395. Chapter 395

She knows Maggie wants her.

Sexually.

She knows because they talk about it, and it makes Alex feel good. It makes Alex feel special.

Not like other people who’ve wanted her.

That made her feel wrong, and uncomfortable, and somewhat violated.

But this? Maggie?

Maggie makes her feel perfect.

Because Maggie never asks for anything more than Alex wants to give, and Maggie asks if it’s alright for her to think about Alex while she masturbates.

And god, is it alright.

Maggie tells her she’s perfect, and Maggie tells her she’s more than enough, and Maggie tells her she loves her, god, she loves her so damn much.

But Maggie is sexual. Very sexual.

And Alex… isn’t.

So when she’s late to one of their dates at the bar and she sees some new woman in town all up in Maggie’s space, the bottom drops out of Alex’s stomach.

It doesn’t matter that Maggie’s body language is screaming that she’s flattered, but totally not interested.

It doesn’t matter that Maggie is shaking her head, that Alex hears something about “my girlfriend” and “meeting me soon” and “yes, we’re monogamous, and happily so.”

It doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter, because that woman is looking at Maggie like she wants to give her sex.

And Alex?

Alex can’t do that.

She panics.

Of course she panics. She panics when she can’t be perfect, and this woman? This random woman, wanting to fuck her girlfriend? Or, who knows, get fucked by her girlfriend? This random woman, in this moment, to Alex, feels more perfect than she can ever be.

So she panics. And she runs.

She’s not sure how Maggie knows – she thinks maybe Darla points it out to her – but she’s barely back on her Ducati before she hears Maggie’s rapid, jogging footsteps, before she hears Maggie calling her name.

“Alex, hey, whoa, where you going?” she wants to know as Alex slams on her helmet and revs her engine.

“Danvers,” Maggie pleads, and Alex heaves out a labored sigh and rips her helmet back off.

“She was flirting with you!”

“I wasn’t flirting back, Danvers,” Maggie’s voice goes hollow. “I told you what I did to Emily was a horrible mistake, you told me you weren’t judging me, I – “

“What? Maggie, no, that’s not – “ Alex slips off her bike and puts her helmet on the seat, holding her hands up in surrender. “Maggie, that’s not what I meant, I promise. I know you weren’t flirting back, I didn’t think you were going to cheat on me, I just… I mean, you could. If you wanted.”

Maggie narrows her eyes, tilts her head, and blinks. “What?”

“You could. If you wanted. Go back in there and take her home. Or go back to her place. Or whatever. If you wanted.”

“If I wanted.”

“Yeah.”

“Danvers.”

“Maggie.”

“What the hell.”

“I’m just saying. I don’t want to limit you.”

“Limit me? Alex, what – “

“You know what? Forget it, okay, I – “

“No, Alex, you don’t get to do that. You gotta give me more than that, babe, I don’t understand – “

“She wants to have sex with you, Maggie! And she’s gorgeous, and she wants you, and she’ll do all kinds of things with you that I won’t do, and I’d rather you be happy than settle for someone who – “

“No.”

The force of Maggie’s single syllable cuts Alex’s tearful ramble off abruptly, and she blinks.

“No. Alex, please don’t finish that sentence. Okay? Because I’m not settling for you. I’m not settling. Because you’re not someone who… I don’t know, however you were going to end that sentence. You know what you are? You’re someone I love. Someone I’m in love with. You’re someone I want to have a lifetime of firsts with, someone I want to get a dog with. You’re someone I want to save the world with over, and over, and over, and you’re someone I want to laugh with and cuddle with and have game nights with your sister and her friends with. You’re someone I want to marry one day, Danvers. You. Just you. I don’t need to have sex with you to want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“But you… want to have sex.”

“With you, Alex. Not anyone else! You. And no, no, I don’t mean it like we should have sex, I don’t mean it like that at all. I don’t feel bad that we don’t have sex. Because I can get myself off, Alex, that’s not a problem, and the… the intimacy that we have? You and me? The kissing and the cuddling and the talking and the way you wear your glasses around me and nobody else and the way we brush our teeth together and the way you get up to swish around some mouth wash every morning so we can kiss without morning breath? That’s all the intimacy I need, Alex. You’re all the intimacy I need. You’re all the intimacy I want. You’re everything I want, Alex. Everything. Alright?”

A long silence.

A long silence of breath and tears and shaking fingertips reaching for shaking fingertips, trembling soul touching trembling soul.

“Understood.”

Her voice is soft and it’s cracked and it’s whole and it’s perfect, perfect, perfect.

Just like she is.