407. Chapter 407

Her stomach lurches and her heart contracts and she wishes Lucy were here.

Wishes Lucy were here, because she’d held things down when Alex and J’onn were on the run.

Wishes Lucy were here, because she’d put a hand on Alex’s arm and tell her that of course she can do this, that she was born to do this.

Wishes Lucy were here, because she’d have something clever to say about J’onn’s recovery. That he’ll be alright. That she can’t afford to dwell on the fact that his body is inert but his mind is overactive: that he’s probably scared to death, actively being tortured inside his own skull.

Because Lucy’s a soldier, too.

And she’d know that Alex can’t think about it.

Can’t think about any of it.

And any of it includes her friend.

So she forces her attention to the present.

Forces her attention to the now.

The now, with the screaming and the dying and the sitting in here, thinking, talking, while Maggie is out there, while James is out there, while everyone else is out there, risking their lives.

Dying.

She was always trained to follow orders.

She was always trained to aspire to be the one giving them.

And she’s ready.

To give orders.

She’s good at it.

But she hasn’t got the faintest clue how J’onn does it.

Stays at his post, thinking, planning, cool, collected – safe – while his people, people he loves, his family, is out there.

Fighting.

Shooting and getting shot and killing and dying on his orders.

And now, on hers.

And she knows – she knows – that she’ll be, like her space father, in the thick of the fight sooner or later. She knows that it takes a special kind of bravery to think when all she wants to do is fight.

It’s what she loves so much about Maggie.

So much fight in her, but also, god, so much thought.

And that thought, ultimately, had been what saved Alex’s life just last week.

God, was it just last week?

Hell, at least this isn’t desk duty.

But it feels like it.

It’s a promotion, but nothing in her wants it to be permanent.

Because permanency means J’onn is gone. And she will not lose another father.

No. No, no, no, no.

Instead? Instead, she will do him proud.

She will live up to being J’onn J’onzz’s daughter. She will live up to being trained by a man who loves her endlessly.

She will live up to taking care of the little sister of a woman who loves her unconditionally.

She will live up to be being the girlfriend of a woman who loves her timelessly.

Acting DEO Director Alex Danvers.

She will live up to it all.