439. Chapter 439

She tells Alex to go be with her girlfriend.

She tells her to never let Maggie go.

And she won’t. She won’t. God, god, she won’t.

But she also will never let her sister go.

Not when her eyes are burning like this, not when her jaw is set like this.

Not when her skin is the only thing keeping her from ripping apart at the seams.

And her skin is less Kryptonian-on-Earth now than it is even when she solar flares.

Alex won’t let Maggie go.

But she’ll never let her little sister go either.

So she nods, tears burning her own eyes, when Kara tells her to never let Maggie go.

She nods, but she also reaches out her hand to grab Kara’s wrist.

Reaches out her hand to still Kara’s inevitable takeoff.

“Alex,” she chokes, because if she stays, she’ll break.

But that’s exactly the point.

Better to break with someone who can hold the pieces until you figure out how they’re supposed to be put together.

And Alex will do more than hold Kara’s pieces. She’ll protect each and every one of them with her life.

Kara knows, and Kara does the only thing she can do.

She sobs.

Sobs into Alex’s chest, falling forward and letting her sister catch her, letting her sister kiss her hair, letting her sister cry with her.

Cry with her, because a week ago, Alex’s lungs almost filled with water.

Cry with her, because a day ago, Alex almost accidentally killed her.

Cry with her, because tomorrow, the streets will still be cratered and smoking.

“Come on,” a soft voice tells both of them after a few long, long moments.

“I’ll take you two home.”

Kara shakes her head into Alex’s body as Maggie takes one of Kara’s hands and one of Alex’s hands into her own.

“No?” she asks Kara, and Kara just glances at Alex and sniffles.

“I can fly you both,” she offers, and Maggie tries not to be uncool in her reaction. She shrugs.

“As long as you’re not too tired.”

They’re in Alex’s apartment before Maggie can process height, height, so much height.

“Wow, Little Danvers, that was uh…”

“Need to sit down there, Sawyer?” Alex teases, and Maggie shakes her head like she’s getting water out of her ears, grinning faintly.

But then she looks at Kara.

She looks at Kara, and she forgets for a moment that she’s Alex’s little sister, not hers, and she strides toward her and offers her arms out for her.

Kara shrugs away from them and Maggie retreats, eyes downcast.

“It’s not you, Maggie,” Alex whispers as she takes Kara by the hand and leads her to her pajama drawer. “Out of your gear?” she asks Kara, who just nods numbly, like if she does anything even vaguely expressive, she’ll collapse in on herself all over again.

Maggie turns away while Alex helps Kara off with her suit and into pajamas, taking the opportunity to call and check in with Jessy the pizza guy to make sure he and his boyfriend are safe, and to ask if he could possibly bring them over some pizza.

“Okay,” Alex kisses the back of her neck, and Maggie leans into her effortlessly before turning around.

“Does that feel a little better?” she asks, and Kara shrugs as she collapses onto the couch, asking with her arms for Alex to tuck her in, for Alex to hold her.

Alex complies and Maggie sits on the floor next to the couch. “I ordered you pizza, Little Danvers,” she tells her, and Kara smiles faintly.

“Thanks, Maggie.”

“Anytime.”

The three of them let silence rise between them. Silence and pain and comfort and love.

“He – all of them, actually – they were all I had left. From my home. I mean, sure, Daxam wasn’t anything like Krypton, but he – they – knew my language, and my history, and my people. Even if their views of us were distorted, they… they had views to be distorted. Here, anything… anything anyone knows about Krypton is from Fortress of Solitude database or from… me. Just me. I feel like I lost them all again. Again. How many times am I going to have to lose them?”

She squeaks at the last sentence, and Alex draws her closer to her body, soothing her with kisses to her hair and she’s proud of her, none of this is her fault, there’s no shame in surviving, she loves her, she loves her, she loves her, and she’s sorry. She’s so, so, so sorry.

“Kara,” Maggie says tentatively, eyes seeking Alex’s for permission. Alex’s heart starts to heal slightly as she nods. “Kara, hey, listen. It’s not the same. Not even a little bit the same. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I… did Alex tell you about when I was a kid?”

Kara sniffles and wipes her nose on Alex’s sweater and Maggie smiles.

“Your parents kicked you out for being a lesbian.”

Maggie nods and hovers her hand over Kara’s blanketed knee. Kara nods and Maggie gifts Kara her touch.

“I lost everything, Little Danvers. Not like you did. Not at all. But there have been people – people in my family, my close family – who’ve died since then. One when I was sixteen, some when I was in college… I only found out through the grapevine. No one in my family reached out, no one told me the funeral details. It was like I was the dead one, they just… I was dead to them. So I couldn’t say goodbye, not properly, to… anyway, Kara, it’s not the same, but one thing I do know? I know it changes you. I know it makes it hard to believe you can ever really be… whole.”

She glances up at Alex, because Alex, now, is crying.

“Your sister is helping me figure out how I can be whole again, Kara. And she can help you, too. And the thing is, you’ll never be whole. Not really. But you’ll become a new shape. Each time you have to go through it again, Alex is gonna be there for you. Hell, me too, if you want me to be. And each time, you’ll become a new shape, making a new meaning of wholeness for yourself. And it’s exhausting, and it’s awful, but the one thing it’s not, Kara? Is alone.”

“But I feel alone. I always feel alone. Except for Alex.”

Maggie nods through tears. “So do I, Kara. So do I.”

“Do you think… do you think we can be alone together?”

There’s a knock at the door that makes them all jump until Maggie grins softly and says, “Pizza,” while she hoists herself to her feet.

“And yes, Kara. We can be alone together as long as you need.”

Kara nods and snuggles closer into her big sister, hoping that when her other big sister – her new big sister – comes back with the pizza boxes, she’ll want to cuddle with them, too.