444. Chapter 444

At least when he sits by J’onn’s bedside all night, he’s not alone.

Because James’s father was wonderful, but James’s father is dead, and he stops by to make sure Winn eats, and he stops by to ask for updates her knows aren’t there and stays in silence and keeps his hand on Winn’s thigh.

Because Alex’s father tried to commit genocide in her name, and she falls asleep on Winn’s shoulder, her hand holding J’onn’s.

Because Kara’s father designed a virus that could kill an entire species – again with the genocide – and he evaporated along with the rest of her entire life, and she brings Winn and Alex and James blankets and settles in next to them to sleep.

Because Maggie’s father decided his daughter’s survival was less important than his comfort, and he disowned her on the spot when she was still a child, and she curls onto Alex’s lap and Alex, even in her sleep, strokes Maggie’s hair gently.

So at least he’s not alone when he sits at J’onn’s bedside all night, in those small moments where they can all catch the minimum amount of sleep that they need to keep functioning, to keep fighting.

He’s not alone, but god, is he still scared.

Scared because for the first time in his life – well, his life After, as he calls it in his head – he is part of a family.

Part of a family that loves him, being fathered by a man whose version of manhood doesn’t make Winn’s feel smaller or less important, whose importance and esteem doesn’t rest on bottled up rage, but on carefully savored memories and wisdoms.

Part of a family that believes in him. That comes back for him, every time. That accepts him, video games and fear of yelling and inability to use guns and all.

Accepts him for more than what they can get from him: a family that accepts him, that loves him, just for… him.

J’onn doesn’t need Winn to be like him.

He just needs him to be himself.

And Winn’s never had that. Never had any of this.

And it terrifies him, because if J’onn doesn’t pull through… he shudders, and he stirs the entire crew.

Alex shifts and kisses his shoulder sloppily. “He’s gonna be mmkay, Winn,” she murmurs groggily, because she has to believe it, she has to, she has to, she has to.

Maggie stirs harder at the sound of her girlfriend’s voice, and she burrows her head deeper into Alex’s lap. “I la you, bae,” she mutters, and Alex smiles and sighs happily, and Winn decides he should encourage them to sleep talk more often, because maybe, just maybe, then they won’t be able to scare him senseless anymore.

But the way they scare him? For fun, in love? Always in ways that they check in with him about?

He can’t lose that. Can’t lose any of this. And losing J’onn? Would be losing this.

They all jolt awake when proximity sensors start to blare, all jolt awake and murmur recovery wishes and love to J’onn, and scatter out of the room, to their own respective war roles.

And he does his surprisingly well.

He saves the world with Lena Luthor, and he knows everything would be empty if he didn’t have his Space Dad, his Papa Bear – J’onn would probably kill him, or at least fire him on the spot, if he heard his nicknames for him – to be proud of him.

And when he sees him, walking and himself and awake and conscious and healthy and alive, god, alive, it’s even better than seeing Superman.

And he runs; he can’t help it.

And he calls him Papa Bear; he can’t help it.

And he throws himself into J’onn’s arms; he can’t help it.

Just like he can’t help it later that night.

Later that night when Alex and Maggie took Kara home, and everyone else was trying to get some much needed sleep.

Trying and failing.

James is his first phone call.

J’onn is his second.

They agree, all of them, that tonight is a night to be together.

They converge on Alex’s apartment, expecting to find a weepy Kara and a lot of potstickers.

They find potsticker containers, but no Kara. Just a very naked, very entangled Alex and Maggie, asleep on Alex’s bed.

“Whoa!” Winn cries involuntarily, and he’s staring down Alex’s alien ray gun before he can blink. M’gann snorts and James studiously examines the ceiling.

“What the hell, guys?” Alex lowers her gun, and J’onn crosses his arms and averts his eyes, suddenly finding one of Maggie’s bonsai trees the most fascinating creature on the planet.

“I told you we should call them first,” he says, perhaps to the little tree, and James and Winn toss up their arms in belated agreement.

“Toss me my shirt, would you, Schott?” Alex asks, a sleepy snicker in her voice, and Winn tries to do it with his eyes closed. He misses by a long shot, and turns fully around when Alex groans and pads across her room to get it – and to collect Maggie’s shirt and underwear.

“Okay,” she calls. “Now what the hell are you guys doing here?”

“We thought Kara came home with you guys. We thought the gang would all be here.”

“She was, but Lena came to pick her up,” Maggie tells them, cobwebs still in her voice.

“I did, and now we’re back,” a new voice announces from the doorway, and Lena and Kara step inside. “We had a soothing evening, but she missed her sister. And, it seems, so did everyone.”

“Ms. Luthor,” J’onn greets, politely nodding as his girlfriend and his children try not to laugh at who won which bet about when Kara and Lena would finally get together. “Thank you for your invaluable role in saving the world.”

“The pleasure was mine, sir,” she inclines her head, and Kara beams, but tiredly.

“Can we sleep?” she says, and Alex and Maggie both immediately pat the bed between them.

Lena raises her eyebrows. “Kara stays here whenever she has nightmares, or when there’s a thunderstorm,” Maggie explains, and Lena smiles sympathetically, adoringly, at Kara.

“Okay, so Kara and Lena and James and Winn, we can all fit on the bed if you boys go sideways on the bottom,” Alex instructs, and M’gann grins.

“Got her trained in strategic tactics even in the bedroom,” she murmurs to J’onn, who groans through a grin.

“I’m not commenting on that,” Maggie chimes, face the picture of innocence, and Alex and Kara both blush deeply.

“And Papa Bear and M’gann – not sure if you’re comfortable being Mama Bear – “

“No one ever said I was comfortable with Papa Bear, Mr. Schott.”

“I know, J’onn, but I’m sorry, that’s just who you are! Our space parents – is that better? – can get the pullout couch! Just like a real family sleepover! Like with a real family!”

Maggie kisses Alex, Lena squeezes Kara’s hand, and J’onn covers Winn’s shoulders with his hands.

“It’s like a real family because we are a real family, Winn,” he tells him, and they all sleep the better for it.